gnc13

Hi all,

My AHBF is in rehab- now 12 days in... We had a very, very rough relationship and if you have read any of my previous posts you have an idea of that.

I enjoy going to AlAnon, I do, and I know they can't give advice, but sometimes that's what I need. I have been seeing one counselor for over 2 years now. She knows everything about our relationship and everything that has gone on. In fact, she was so proud of me for leaving , I have been hesitant to inform her that I went back to the relationship. It is actually causing me anxiety and intrusive thoughts sometimes. I have learned how to counter them from before (when the relationship was very bad) but I am sad that I have to do that all over again. Part of me knows that it is because I put myself through the emotional damage again...

Here I stay, by his side while he is in rehab, but so many parts of me feel like breaking free... But then the other part of me says, no... You love him, you guys talk about the same goals and dreams... Trust the process.

Here I am again, stay or leave, whats best for Me, I don't know... More reading I do... I was in such a happy, healthy place getting back to me, before over a month ago when I let him back in...

I'm a mom of a child with him, so that makes the situation harder... Trying to be kind to myself today. =/

Sorry for the pity party post.

SparkleKitty

Can I ask, what do you think it means that you are reluctant to tell your therapist the truth about this?

gnc13

Fear, shame, guilt … Almost as if I am doing something wrong..

And you know I would have had NO problem expressing everything to her had the behavior not turned out to be exactly as it was... exactly what she said would happen

dandylion

gnc…….

I have actually seen this situation, written about, many times on this forum....usually, it is in relationship to a person's parent---where the person went back to the partner, and hid the fact from their family....because the family felt that the relationship was not a healthy one....
Sometimes, I think people stop posting....because they are reluctant to admit that they went back to a partner....

gnc….don't let your pride (or a feeling of embarrassment or shame)...keep you from getting the help that you need. Your own self and your welfare is the most important thing, right now. Yes...therapy can feel hard, at times...because self examination takes courage and can feel threatening when facing difficult issues...

gnc...best to be honest with your therapist....She can handle it....her job is to help you...not to judge you....

dandylion

gnc….(I just now read your last post)….

lol...I think it is similar to telling your own Mother that she was "right" about something that she warned you about.....
But, if it turns out that your mother WAS right....then, the thing to do is to gunny up and say...."Yes, you were right, Mom"...…
that usually takes the sting out, right there.....
Better to do that than to torture yourself by trying to hide it....


I am going to dedicate the following song to you (note the title)…..

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...CF5E&FORM=VIRE

gnc13

It truly does feel like telling my mother she was right.. .LOL But it always feels good to be open ..

I will be open with her next week when I see her

Thank you for the song, I will listen to it on my lunch.

Silly as it sounds I am deathly afraid of being honest with her... lol more of fear of disappointing her. While her job is not to judge and to support, I almost feel like that person who gets all this advice then just doesn't listen and ends up getting hurt the way they would have avoided if they just listened in the first place.

dandylion

gnc…..that feeling that you are having ...sort of like she "is your mother"....is called transference, in therapy circles.....not a bad thing--just a normal thing...lol....

I am sure that she realizes that people aren't always ready or able to hear or to act on advice....at the time....

(hope you like the song)….

atalose

I agree with dandylion, you might not be ready to able to hear or act on advice at this time. If anyone will understand that it will be your therapist.

In al-anon we say, we are as sick as our secrets.

You can’t get better by keeping secrets from the person trying to help you.

Always remember freedom lies right on the other side of your fears.

trailmix

It doesn't sound silly actually!

Sometimes people ask for our advice, I'm sure people in your life ask for your advice. Sometimes, when we don't follow that advice you might get an "i told you so" from the advice giver. Hopefully these would be few and far between.

For me, when I am asked for and I give advice, I let it go. It either resonates with you or it doesn't, for whatever reason. I realize that you have your own ideas, intelligence, experience and bias.

Now, I'm not counsellor but yours has years of experience of this. Please keep in mind that if everyone followed her sage advice her business would need a revolving door. You would come in, tell her what you are going through, she would give her wisdom, you pay on the way out and out through the revolving door - Next!

Remember that she is there to listen and to give you the tools to help you with whatever you are going through. She probably already knows you are back with him.

Don't worry too much about this, it's really quite normal that you are feeling hesitant I think and the reality of telling her will be much much less dramatic than you are conjuring in your mind.

hopeful4

It's not silly! I took YEARS to split from my XAH. I am positive it drove my therapist nuts LOL. That's ok, they understand. You are human, give yourself some grace.

You see it here on the forums as well. Lots of times people go radio silent b/c they have went back to a bad relationship that they know is not right, and don't want to tell anyone here (said from personal experience LOL).

Thing is, we are here to support you through your decisions. They are yours to make. To walk this walk with you, not to judge you.

Sending you a big hug. Go, tell your therapist what is going on so she can help you as well.