BoxinRotz

I just want everyone who is reading here and struggling with an active alcoholic to know that you can't help people who are in active alcoholism. You can't change them. You can't strong arm them. You can not make deals with them. If you find yourself in the company of an active alcoholic, just know that you deserve better than being placed in limbo searching for the right cure, the right words, the right things and/or behavior to make them better. Any solution for exiting active alcoholism lies within the alcoholic. You will never be their hero. You will never save them. You will never be the one who saw them to the finish line and made them stop. Only they can do that. Alcoholism is a fight with one self and you have no control over another human being. If we did, these forums would not exist.

You deserve peace in your lives. You deserve to enjoy a quiet life without stress in your personal home life. You deserve to be happy and healthy. You deserve to have healthy people in your life. You deserve a healthy partner. You deserve mental stability in yourself. You deserve to be the best you that you can be.

Don't fight another human's fight and make it yours. You only get one life to live.

torquemax777

Awesome! Needs to be a sticky!

Hevyn

Thanks for a valuable post, Boxy. I was once where you are. I was so sure due to our special relationship & closeness I could get my husband to stop. I was convinced he'd do anything not to lose me. All the long talks, the pleading, the threats - fell on deaf ears. It was a tragedy - but would have been even worse if I hadn't let go.

hopeful4

Well said!

honeypig

Hevyn, this was me too. I mean, he cried at our wedding, he was so overcome that we were getting married, and he loved me so much, and our lives were just going to be a dream come true, and it was magic and a miracle that we found each other after all the pain and hardship we'd been through (we married late, a first marriage for me at a few months shy of 36 and a 2nd for him a few months shy of 42).

Like your situation, in the end, it was not magic, it was not a miracle, and neither of us was a special snowflake. We were just 2 more people doing the dance of codependence and alcoholism, caught up in a web of lies and fear.

Words cannot express my gratitude for the sources of support, inspiration, growth and healing I've found, including but not limited to SR and Alanon!

Hevyn

Honeypig, my heart goes out to you for enduring that. My husband was devastated when I finally left - yet never did get sober!

I agree - it's knowing we aren't alone that makes it possible to bear the hurt & confusion.