Another Daughter
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
Another Daughter
is getting married and once again I am not invited to her wedding. Take note all you slugging family life out with active alcoholics cos you may end up like me.
My kids doted on me..then exah came along and I lost most of them. I have missed graduations, weddings, grandchildren I have never seen, Christmases, birthdays and it makes me feel utterly worthless.
I sat sobbing in the bathroom so my sons can't hear me with the facet on and had a mental picture of her as a child, me holding her hand as she came down the stairs in her new dress saying "Do I look pretty mom?" and me saying "Yes sweetheart . You are beautiful." The day she got into veterinary training... I cried I was so proud of her. All the memories of her childhood. It's all ashes now. Exah doesn't care. He found out about the wedding and his attitude was stuff them..get on with your own life. It's only me gutted. I should never have stayed.
My kids doted on me..then exah came along and I lost most of them. I have missed graduations, weddings, grandchildren I have never seen, Christmases, birthdays and it makes me feel utterly worthless.
I sat sobbing in the bathroom so my sons can't hear me with the facet on and had a mental picture of her as a child, me holding her hand as she came down the stairs in her new dress saying "Do I look pretty mom?" and me saying "Yes sweetheart . You are beautiful." The day she got into veterinary training... I cried I was so proud of her. All the memories of her childhood. It's all ashes now. Exah doesn't care. He found out about the wedding and his attitude was stuff them..get on with your own life. It's only me gutted. I should never have stayed.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I am sorry your mumma heart is hurting again Ladybird. I know that pain and there is none other like it. One of my cubs has been causing me some aches and tears too.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Do something special just for you.. even if it is just for a few minutes. We did the best we could , with what we knew how to do, under the $hittiest of circumstances. Try not to let the guilt eat you up.
*Tender Hugs*
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Do something special just for you.. even if it is just for a few minutes. We did the best we could , with what we knew how to do, under the $hittiest of circumstances. Try not to let the guilt eat you up.
*Tender Hugs*
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You are not worthless...not even the smallest bit...not even in the ballpark!!
I feel your pain and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that your daughter is getting married and hasn't invited you
I hope that, in time, she will realize how hard you tried to keep everything together and will come around.
I'm sending up many prayers for healing and peace! Hugs to you
I feel your pain and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that your daughter is getting married and hasn't invited you
I hope that, in time, she will realize how hard you tried to keep everything together and will come around.
I'm sending up many prayers for healing and peace! Hugs to you
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,642
I'm so sorry Ladybird, I know you are so hurt and I wish that wasn't so.
You did the best you could with what you had/knew at the time. You have 8 children. Leaving is not that easy and I know you had your reasons for staying so please don't beat yourself up.
I think your message is important though. If you are staying in an alcoholic relationship for whatever reason, the line of communication needs to be wide open with children. No covering up, no secrets, no smoothing over what is going on.
I grew up in such a household and it was never unclear what was going on there. My Mother never tried to hide anything, she protected us, of course, however there was never any question that he was drunk and what a horrible choice that was.
I absolutely do not blame her for staying, not for a minute. She stayed because financially it was the obvious option. Shortly after we all left home she left too.
Perhaps, with time, your kids will see the broader picture.
Have you ever discussed this with your children? I don't know how to mend this, but have you ever sat down and talked to them or sent them a letter?
You did the best you could with what you had/knew at the time. You have 8 children. Leaving is not that easy and I know you had your reasons for staying so please don't beat yourself up.
I think your message is important though. If you are staying in an alcoholic relationship for whatever reason, the line of communication needs to be wide open with children. No covering up, no secrets, no smoothing over what is going on.
I grew up in such a household and it was never unclear what was going on there. My Mother never tried to hide anything, she protected us, of course, however there was never any question that he was drunk and what a horrible choice that was.
I absolutely do not blame her for staying, not for a minute. She stayed because financially it was the obvious option. Shortly after we all left home she left too.
Perhaps, with time, your kids will see the broader picture.
Have you ever discussed this with your children? I don't know how to mend this, but have you ever sat down and talked to them or sent them a letter?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I feel your pain! I lost my kids at 13 and 15 to a man (my daughter's father) who bought their love with dirty money while I made an honest living and paid him child support. My children do not call me and say, Hey mom. How are you? Happy Birthday. Happy Mother's Day. Merry Christmas. Nothing.
I really do feel for you.
I really do feel for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Ladybird, I too am so very sorry. I have great empathy for your situation.
My ex husband was not an alcoholic. He was a work alcoholic, he was a selfish, self absorbed, absent father. He would rather be golfing or off fishing than at home with his 3 beautiful daughters. As he climbed the corporate ladder, he discovered superficial women who liked men with a large amount of disposable cash in their pocket. I will never forget my 16 year daughter blurting out “Dad is nothing but a he-wh*re , and me telling her to hush, that is not how we talk.
Fast forward 30 years, and my youngest is getting married in September to a drug selling , addicted drug addict. Absent father , still has plenty of disposable cash, is giving daughter her dream wedding, and I am I attending therapy, trying to figure out if I can even attend this over the top sh*tshow of a wedding. The straw that has broken the camels back for me was when ex husband said to me, he has suspected all along, that soon to be son in law has a drug problem, but YET, you gave your blessing for her to marry him, ex husband is the king of idiots!
What I want to share is you cannot beat yourself up . You did the best you could. You stayed in a bad marriage, I left a bad marriage, and yet we both have arrived at today, with unfavorable results.
Everyday , I remind myself, I kept a roof over their head, they were never hungry, their clothes were clean, our home was clean, I kept them safe from harm, encouraged them to always seek knowledge, and never put yourself in a situation where a judge gets to decide your fate.
Yes, life is sad today, be gentle with yourself, our children are now adults, we have served our purpose, we got them To adulthood , nobody caught on fire, nobody bled out, they are now adults , and can live as they see fit. Big hugs to you .
My ex husband was not an alcoholic. He was a work alcoholic, he was a selfish, self absorbed, absent father. He would rather be golfing or off fishing than at home with his 3 beautiful daughters. As he climbed the corporate ladder, he discovered superficial women who liked men with a large amount of disposable cash in their pocket. I will never forget my 16 year daughter blurting out “Dad is nothing but a he-wh*re , and me telling her to hush, that is not how we talk.
Fast forward 30 years, and my youngest is getting married in September to a drug selling , addicted drug addict. Absent father , still has plenty of disposable cash, is giving daughter her dream wedding, and I am I attending therapy, trying to figure out if I can even attend this over the top sh*tshow of a wedding. The straw that has broken the camels back for me was when ex husband said to me, he has suspected all along, that soon to be son in law has a drug problem, but YET, you gave your blessing for her to marry him, ex husband is the king of idiots!
What I want to share is you cannot beat yourself up . You did the best you could. You stayed in a bad marriage, I left a bad marriage, and yet we both have arrived at today, with unfavorable results.
Everyday , I remind myself, I kept a roof over their head, they were never hungry, their clothes were clean, our home was clean, I kept them safe from harm, encouraged them to always seek knowledge, and never put yourself in a situation where a judge gets to decide your fate.
Yes, life is sad today, be gentle with yourself, our children are now adults, we have served our purpose, we got them To adulthood , nobody caught on fire, nobody bled out, they are now adults , and can live as they see fit. Big hugs to you .
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