idontgetit508

Woke up
Showered
Did nails
Dressed nicely
Had a job interview as a pilates studio receptionist
My therapist suggested 2 much going on give the sales a break and get a self soothing job. I agree of course don't quit my job I have now until i score a job without high pressure.
About to go to interview gang of females arrive at my apt.
Ex abf child mother's
I heard you been around my daughter you drunk just like him. Come out I'll off you. I don't want him but no drunk bitch will be around my kid and according to his family you met my kid a lot. You are the reason he will never see his child. Profanity, complete pyscho. Did not engage
He is more scared of me than the police. Watch this you drunk.....
Pyscho chick: Am i at the right address??? She drives a lincoln right as it's here.
Ex ABF: Yes, that's her he is drunk i can here as her speaker phone is loud and my window was cracked. She is pyscho, tapped, crazy, does not leave me alone. Do what you want to her.

Due to what happened with the police i have fear of them. Since i live rhode island/mass line it's very small I have a friend that went to school with her k-12. They are not friends but not enemies and my friend barked.
Best friend:Listen she left him, she does not drink, or do drugs. She never met your daughter ever as respectfully you did not want her 2. I can tell you all the money, presents, birthday cake, and halloween gifts were from her wallet He is a drunk mess and she left. I moved to Florida but you need to leave the premises now. She does not believe in calling cops nobody is going to hurt you but if you don't leave now I have no choice but to call my brothers they wont hurt you, but you and your friends will be on there way. Just like he hurt you she has the same story minus a kid.
Child's pyscho mother: So she is not a drunk and never met my kids?
Best friend: NO she is just like you once again minus the kids.
Child's pyscho mother: Now, i feel stupid as the family said she is nuts and so did he. He is a loser and a drunk and I'm married she can have him.
Best friend: The same way he talks about her is exactly how he talks about you except even worse but we wont get into that. The same way the family talks about her they talk about you worse to her. Everyone is drunk.
Child's pyscho mother: Ok, im leaving. I'm not hurting her this is typical he preys on girls w no kids, and good jobs to get his liquor and get them to buy my daughter's gift.
Best friend: Did you leave yet or am i caling my brother's.
Child's pyscho mother: Yes, i left im sorry i understand her pain tell her im sorry.
Of couse i power dialed why would you want me hurt, and why are people saying false things about her. No answer so i just sent texts probably 50 as my ptsd was in fight or flight.
My mom said let's move you out of there we found an apt i move in on the 15th he will not know where I live.
Do I want to get a restraining order on her.
No, because we have no relations it would cost me 350 and she left and believed the smear campaign. I understand if she was with him for 4 years I feel sorry for her.
Is it restraining order on him time? I have pages of screen shots of your you know the deal awful names.
If i have a weak moment and call i'll land in jail however, im petrified of the police i think i would not have a weak moment this could be my saving grace.
I called the pilates place today I scored 100% on the online assesment I said if the owner has empathy please tell her to call me. I'm going to say I'm very sorry i got caught up in a relationship with someone addicted to alcohol. I'm not going to say she showed up I'm going to say he showed up and we have a restraining order and I could not leave. This ended over 6 months ago. I understand this is lies but it was never a relationship. I am moving and he violated the restraining order. I wanted to work for you bad as I took pilates at your studio before and not only would I like to pay for some classes this will help me get grounded.
She offers holistic therapy maybe she is an empath like me.
I have locked myself in my house and my brain has a full time prosecutor and is lacking a defense attorney. No Tv on, no journaling laying in bed reliving yesterday.

If the pilates studio doesnt call back it was not meant to be. I just know calling 24 hours later saying I was sick or had a flat isnt working with employers anymore. I understand lying isnt right but there was never a relationship and I was powerless to leave my home. Day 99 ruined i did not go looking for this. One week new apt, everywhere is hiring for self soothing jobs or cashier, retail jobs where I'm not selling mortgages.

Trailmix are you there I don't want to go inpatient over a drunken indian and a pyscho family and a gang of crazy girls who all deem me crazy.

Back to al-anon, self soothing, or restraining order time. Please help I had that job.

This is a drunk narc omg!!!!!!!!!!!!He has a harem. Now im mad

PuzzledHeart

If it's not too late, please don't say that.

You had an unavoidable emergency and were unable to contact her. Fortunately this was a one time occasion and will not happen in the future. If she hasn't made a decision yet, you would still like to be considered for the job.

You don't want somebody to hire you because they pity you. You want them to hire you because they see you as competent and qualified for the position. She may be an empath, but she also has a business to run and the last thing she wants is to hire someone, as nice as she is, who may bring trouble to the studio.

Even if you don't get this job, there will be others.

idontgetit508

I already said it to the receptionist. It's ok I wont say it again. It was not meant to be I could not leave my home sometimes my honesty gets me in trouble. What about the drunken indian is it restraining order time? Nothing personal if anyone on here is native im really tired of hearing he is native it's in our blood. WE all die young. I try so hard not to act victim like.......as im a survivor...........at least i gave the common courtesy of missing the interview in the midst of anxiety some things come out wrong w ptsd. Oh well. Who knows give it to god. Start my 100 days of happiness tomorrow again

idontgetit508

i apologize calling and apologizing for missing the interview some people are serial applicants that blow companies off. I had enough dignity and respect to apologize for disrespecting her time. Maybe this had to happen to wake me up. I'm not worried anymore im quite mad but when im mad i make lemonade

PuzzledHeart

I used to be like that too - I'd go TMI at a drop of a hat. Experience taught me that spilling my romantic troubles to an employer was generally not a good idea. All it meant was that my co-workers knew me for my dating life when they should have known me for my work. When I switched jobs, I kept mum about my private life.

However, when it did happen (my ex-fiance called off the wedding so I had to call my boss and tell him I wasn't coming in), BECAUSE I didn't unload everything on my boss, he ended up being extremely understanding and bent over backwards to make sure that I was OK. I asked for a month off and he didn't even flinch.

idontgetit508

Yes, it is a struggle PuzzledHeart and being an empath you think everyone will be an empath as well but in reality you get the crazy card or the boot. Im working on zipping it. Is a restraining order a good idea or remaining no contact better. My brain would like to tell me a restraining order sounds good as I wont power stalk but my heart is telling me im 2 soon in no contact that i could violate and get myself in jail. What happened to me yesterday was not my fault correct nor did i deserve it. This is a sick game to fall into there trap and webs of deceit and go down with them. What are your feelings anyone out in this big wild world please im not strong enough yet to give advice i wish i would. Is getting cops involved a good idea or he could get really drunk and not care it's a just a piece of paper and my safety is on the line. Rightfully, im scared of both the cops, her, him and the family.

PuzzledHeart

I have to admit, I'm confused. Isn't the restraining order meant to protect him from contacting you, not the other way around? How many days has it been since he's contacted you?

That said, I can understand why you're so reluctant to involve the cops.

I can't give your any more specific advice about your situation, but I can tell you one thing - I wish when I was younger I spent more time listening to my gut. My family, as much as I love them, spent so much time drilling into my head that I had to be "nice" that I wasted way too much energy ignoring the gut feeling that Persons A, B, or C were bad news.

Unemployed? How could I be so judgmental? I'll go out with him anyway. Taking drugs? Well, he's in pain and I should acknowledge that. Good Lord, I wish I had taken some of the empathy that I had shown others and funneled that empathy towards myself.

I'm much better about it now. And I'm in a much more loving relationship that makes me realize with horror how much I was willing to settle for scraps.

idontgetit508

He isnt contacting me at all. I did make contact just to ask why he would send someone over to hurt me. No response. Usually i have experience w dating narcissits which us as empaths attract. I agree im 34 i should not even be on this site i should be doing cartwheels and having a im free party. Yet, still i think i did something wrong, I could have tried better, or he might be dead. My mo has said I shop for men at loser's are us but my dad was a deadbeat who left her barrefoot. I guess the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. If i treated myself the way i treat toxic people I could be the president of the United States. I could be a Gloria Alred rape avocate. Not a lot of people like her but I had the pleasure of her giving me 22 mins of her time and she called me and was a normal person who said I believe you, im so sorry for what you went through I handle higher profile stuff than this but I have a friend that can get you justice. I called her office in NYC in tears and in 2 minutes had her on the line.

I'm going off topic here. I know when you leave a narc that's when they are dangerous that you will expose them for who they really are. I say remain no contact, sleep at my mother's and grieve this craziness. He is a coward didnt apologize and she said he is drunk now at noon time. Getting a restraining order adds more fuel to the fire and then i would most likely have to face him in court at some point. That delays NC im out of here in 1 week. Keep cool, al anon is kind of hard the stories are sad i kind of left feeling hopeful but depressed as well. I might just study the book im not sure I got a lot of trauma going on and being an empath I want to save evryone in al anon. Ty for reading

trailmix

Hi Idon'tget it,

Well that was quite traumatic, i'm sorry that happened to you.

As puzzledheart mentioned, employers don't want to know the details of your life, but that's something you know now going forward. I'm sure you will find another job soon.

As for the restraining order. It's to keep him away from you. If you don't feel he is a threat then it's probably a waste of paper? He hasn't contacted you, as you mention. You will be busy now packing up your stuff for your move and it's a good idea to sleep at your Mother's until you move.

It's so very important that you stop contact with him, even with the other woman showing up, no contact means no contact. Again, that's not for him, it's for YOU. You shot that message out there for what? He didn't reply, he is for sure not going to apologize. Let it go, let him go, he is no longer part of your life.

As for the native thing, making derogatory references to anyone's race is just wrong, plain and simple. Call him a drunk if you must but please don't attack his race.

Yes, start over at day 100 again tomorrow, a fresh start. On the upside what you are doing is a good thing and now you get to do it for 100 days!

Hang in there.

idontgetit508

No,
im not attacking his race i apologize. That's what the family says when I have tried to help. He is native it's in his genes he cant help it. I'm irish it's in my genes im not racist or attacking his race. I'm looking for support here trailmix and you show me tough love. I appreciate that I dont want any enemies on here. I'm quoting what I have heard from the whole family it's in our genes we are natives we like our alcohol. He can't help it its predisposed. I put that in my first post. I have friends that are cambodian, black, native american that dont drink, caucasian. Im equally opportunity my family came from the inner city I was the minority being irish. All my friends were not Caucasian. I am no way, shape, or form racist against anyone. If someone thinks that I truly am sorry and did not mean to hurt feelings im here for support. Thank you it was not derogatory but yes I will call him a drunk from now on due to respect towards other ethnicities. Sorry for the miscommunication. I sincerely apologize
Overwhelmed and exhausted in MA not looking for enemies.
Sincerely,
Overwhelmed MA girl who is reaching out for support

idontgetit508

Once again miscommunication im sorry it came out wrong. I'm only human

idontgetit508

Yes, i just reread my post it seems racist for sure Not the intent. I understand why someone would take that offensively. Once again that's what I been hearing from the family all years in those words. Maybe i should have said it differently or not said that at all but when your in fight or flight sometimes miscommunications occur. I advocate when people dress up like Pocahontas for Halloween if anyone knows the real tale she was raped all the time. Her life was not peaches and cream people are representing a disney movie that exuberates not the facts of what she endured. I probably sound nuts now. I wish i could fall asleep. If i got some rest I would be typing more clearer and concise. I apologize no enemies 100 day happiness two feet on solid ground and keep fighting. Thank you and I'm sorry.

trailmix

Not to worry, water under the bridge now. I understand what you were saying, that you are tired of them using that excuse.

But that's what we are here for, support and you certainly didn't make an enemy!

trailmix

So day 100, going to hit an Al-Anon meeting? The reason I ask is because face to face support is really crucial right now.

Do you do any writing do you have a journal? If not it might be a good idea to write some of your thoughts down. If nothing else make a list of all the reasons you don't want to contact him. When that feeling comes up, grab that list and read it (carry it with you). If you still feel like texting, do the dishes (or pack a box, busy work). Promise yourself you will wait a half hour or hour then review why you want to do it and if it's worth it to you. Try to focus on yourself. Don't worry about if your text will get through to him, will make him apologize or think again or any of that, that's out of your control. Try to only concern yourself with what it will do to you. You are about taking care of you now, not him.

Your 100 days idea is great you know. You have goals you want to accomplish (moving, getting a new job) being in a better space. Really it should be a happy time for you and maybe you can focus on that a bit.

You will make new acquaintances as you go through your 100 days. When you get your new job you will meet new people. It will be a good thing and you are going to make it happen!

PuzzledHeart

I hear variations of that ALL THE TIME in my family. This is who we are. We were raised that way. Blah blah blah. Yackity yuk yuk yuk. It's usually when they're spouting off racist/homophobic crap.

Ugh.

idontgetit508

I'm sorry im the crazy rape girl. I never wanted this to hapen to me or even someone who wished death on me. Al-anon was traumatic the meeting was hard and when they heard my story one guy walked out i cant have the worse story out there we have no kids, not married 11 months slam dunk this should be a breeze.

I keep trying no contact and failing miserably ill probably be thrown in jail for stalking. I wish I had one gf to come over and power off my phone it's the enemy right now. I dont have friends I have lawsuit lurkers "Hey did they settle, don't be acting all crazy, your about to be a millionaire.
Me: No, still nothing 3 years later typical look at the Brock turner case. Can we meet for coffee or chic filet i will pay i could use friendship.
Lawsuit lurker: My husband is on the other line let me call you back. Don't drop that there goal is to break you down. If you drop that you will regret it. Bye
Me: Number change against the lawsuit lurkers
It's me and my therapist who saved my life after my assault. If it was not for her i would not be here. That's not me looking for sympathy or pity it's facts.
Emails from the lawsuit lurkers: Your phone is off did they settle i block them or change my email.
Im struggling viciously with no contact i have not bathed in 2 days, i lost ten lbs or more, no appetite. I am failing........
I'm new to this im sorry and I have no supports but the therapist I'm not going to bother her she has three kids one with autism and a husband. She is fantastic.
Here's why im struggling:
Why exABF did you send a girl over to off me?
Why exabf are you being a coward and wont apologize?
Why exabf did you play me.
I saw abuse coming but not a death threat.
So i failed again miserably this morning with those questions.
I dont believe in inpatient for me not cause im stubborn because im doing inpatient out of my studio right now free of charge im sleeping my life away, reaching out for help on the net, calling al anon. Inpatient is very traumatic if you go voluntarily you are out in 72 hours. U meet a doctor once for 5 mins u get benzos which is booze in a pill, all types of diagnosis which makes me feel bad and more victim mentality. I saw a pysch before and told her I attract men with NPD she said thats cause your borderline. Excuse me? I made one statement that i attract narcs and im borderline. My therapist was like you are far from borderline. You dont manipulate, you dont attempt offing yourself all the time. You dont push pull you want to help people if anything you allow losers to stay much to long. You are far from borderline this is classic ptsd from not real friends, and repeated trauma. Not to mention inpatient is co-ed so you are with men and women. Lots of the females have just been assaulted i want to help them i cant. Lots of males use inpatient as a place to go when they are homeless. I dont need someone in inpatient hitting on me.
This is my thought it might sound crazy to you all but to me it makes logical sense my phone cost 49.99 my bill is paid until June 25th drive down the road and throw it in the ocean. My boss is giving me until the 15th or 16th to get it right. I have a ***** i can buy a new phone or downgrade to a cheaper phone with the same carrier and get my serenity. The laptop this is for support and jobs and talking to you. A drunk is going to get me for repitively calling from all different numbers and I could catch a charge. With no phone for 7-8 days ill get in the shower and get out of this impending doom or I can call my mom and ask her to hold my phone she is elderly and lawsuit lurks me. Is it ocean time that's the only way I see myself getting strong and starting off the 100 day challenge without inpatient and seeing my therapist Tuesday. Who is for it in the ocean cause I am? I'm tired of being deemed crazy but the justice system, a drunk, his child's mothers, narcs, and lawsuit lurkers. My head is spinning throw it in the ocean correct im not strong enough being honest. My boss isnt bothering me until after the 15th who is for team ocean????thanks

trailmix

I don't know about the phone. A phone is a good thing to have for safety reasons and what if your Mom wants to talk to you (or you to her)?

You control the phone, it's not the enemy. It's an inanimate object. It is no more threatening to you than the toaster or coffeemaker.

If you want to discontinue your service, well that's your call but I don't know that I would throw it in the ocean (it's dramatic but not very practical).

Your questions, you probably will never get answers from him and really, would it help? What possible explanation could he offer? Did he really send that girl over or did she come of her own volition?

Do you need an apology from him? Did he ever apologize for anything - I mean really, truthfully, from the heart apologize. You don't need that really - it's not meaningful at this point.

Play you? Maybe he is just a cruel person. Maybe he likes to play with others feelings. Maybe he is just and addict that got in to a relationship that was way, way over his head. He probably doesn't even know why/if he did play you. I don't know him so I can't say.

When you say you "failed miserably" with those questions today, do you mean you texted them to him?

A far more helpful approach would be to write them down for yourself and YOU answer them, to the best of your ability. You then get an understanding and you know, he's not going to answer.

That would be a good discussion to have with your therapist, what to do with those questions and how best to approach dealing with them.

PuzzledHeart

I'm not Team Ocean, for all the reasons trailmix articulated.

I'm Team You.

When you get the urge to contact him, what do you do instead? I tend to suffer from depression, and when the wild horses come barging in I have this whole of arsenal of tools that I use to rein them in. Exercise, therapy, music, meds. When one doesn't work I try another.

I get really super resentful sometimes that I'm going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. But I'd rather deal with it head on that run away from it if you get what I mean.

Everybody goes crazy every once in a while. I was on suicide watch in college. Every time I left campus I had to call the infirmary to tell them I was alive. Give yourself some slack - you've been through a hard time - but you're not running away from it. You're admitting when you've made mistakes and you try your best to move on. You're posting here and it counts for something.

I'm a big believer that the Karma Bus does eventually go around, but it not on anyone's timeline. It may come decades down the road, but it does come rumbling in.

idontgetit508

Ok,
Im heading to mom's she will control the phone. Yes, he did send her here as I heard it on speaker with him. She drives the lincoln right?
Yea that's her go get her.

I relapsed this morning thats okay i havnt slept or taken care of my self. I wanted answers he cant provide. Never will be able to. Could the family or him launched a smear campaign against me to her that set her off? quite possible i will never know but i seen them smear her to shreds. Enough about them they are drunks.

I might drop the lawsuit as I have a meeting in 1 month. In 3 years i have been smeared that im nuts, lost all fake friends, and told this was a blessing from God. This sounds like Anna Nicole Smith she fought and fought for her payout look at all the hangers on. She died of drugs and a broken heart. Our stories are different but she had fierce hangers on. She hung in and hung in, multiple trips to inpatient, drug overdoses with hangers on everywhere and docs loading her up on lethal meds combined killed her and her son. Its been three years my lawyer doesnt talk he lets me do the talking. What is that? His website says give victims a voice. Criminal said his attorney said you made this all up, we are going to need 10 years of therapy and doctors notes and ten years employment history. We believe you hallucinated this. Really da? You sound team rapist my lawyer was like give that to them. I said respectfully, I'm dropping im not the defendant give me 10 years of his therapy notes, his employment history, and his medical diagnosis.
DA: this is why I hate rape victims they never will cooperate sweres.
I guess since I had dna and camera surveillance I fought like im losing he couldnt drop it so finally officer walked w 3 years probation/3 years suspended no sex offender as i would not comply. I dont see a payout at all i see breaking me down until i off myself.

This is my biggest trigger........................................... .............more than the drunk with everyone saying stop playing victim, you deserved it. In all honesty my grandma passed right before and it wamy assualt of alzheimer's my doc prescribed me 3 mg of xanax a day. I didnt abuse it
it was prn short term. i took two before the assualt due to my rxed benzo script im an addict, i hallucinated, questions where did you purchase your xanax? At rite aid pharmacy you mean people at the pick up desk prescribed by dr. so and so here is there number. The questions are horrendous its breaking me down. I could go on. Tomorrow i start again..............i just went outside there are pollen handprints all over my car. I have not gone out in 2 days. Handprints everywhere I'm scared. Ty you all sorry for any miscommunication.

PuzzledHeart

I never got an apology from my abuser (physical), but honestly I would rather not have one because it would mean I would have to talk to her. And life's too short for that kind of crap.

Compassion about her situation gave me the answers I needed. Compassion does NOT mean that I have to reach out to her. My family used to go on and on about how I should forgive her and see her. My sister even said that we deserved the abuse. My sister even invited her to her wedding. Fortunately I had a good friend who was my Plus One who had my back, and when she wanted to hitch a ride with me going home all I needed was one look from him to justify my answer. Hell No.

I'm sure my extended family thinks I'm nuts and cruel and mean. I'm sure my sister talks about that in spades. Even a couple years ago, my cousin talked about how kind my abuser was towards her, and implied that this abuse stuff was in my head. And this woman was a social worker!

So at the end of the day, all I can do is take care of my side of the street. I keep active tabs on my depression, I surround myself with friends who are relatively stable, but are also open and honest when trouble hits the fan. I post here because it's good to have people who know where you are because they've been here too. I have a good husband and a teenage son who thinks I'm the most annoying person in the world. It took me a long time to get here, it wasn't overnight, and the struggle is still very real.

But I'm here and you're here and that counts for something, eh?