CarlottaMay

My partner is an alcoholic, drinks about a litre of vodka a day. sometimes will have days off it and say he's done with it. but doesn't go to meetings or engage with recovery. Recently been getting verbally abusive, we have 2 children aged 7 and 9. Children and I stay out of the house as much as possible. Partner spends day after day drinking on sofa or in bed. lost his job through drinking 4 years ago. Did go sober for 4 months last year after attending AA meetings. Property is in my name only. I work full time. I need to remove him from the home for his own good, as too comfortable where he is to need to change, and for well being of me and children. he won't go willingly, need to involve the police to do it. he has nowhere to go, loner. My chest constricts with tension at the thought of taking that action. He's been on and off the wagon for 4-5 years with promises to change and the years roll by but I feel his removal is imminent and it feels so painful.

Bekindalways

Oh my gosh this is so so very painful. You absolutely are doing the right thing.

He will probably wind up homeless but getting him out will protect you and the kids from the alcoholism. Further more he will suffer more direct consequences of his drinking which is good.

Do you have some support? Have you tried Alanon?

Big hug and let us know how it goes.

CarlottaMay

Thankyou Bekindalways. I have started going to Alanon, I don't have a sponsor yet.

atalose

So sorry you are going through this, the physical stress someone else’s drinking has on us is not good.

I think you need to find out first the process involved with getting him out. Since he’s lived there for a long period of time and I assume he receives mail there, you may to evict him through the court system. The police cannot make someone leave there own home just because they are drunk unless he physically assaults you.

CarlottaMay

Thankyou Atalose, I've been advised by the Domestic Violence officer that it is just a case of asking him to leave and if he resists involve the police. He will then be classed as a trespasser. No physical abuse but plenty of verbal and threatening behaviour. I am in the UK so the Law may be different here than where you are. I have tried reasoning with him and making suggestions in the past that he should find a flat to rent and that him living under the same roof as me and my children is becoming very detrimental to everyone, but he has become very territorial, classing it as his home, (understandably so). Legally it isn't his home but I know where he is coming from. It is his nest, where he hides away drinking, in relative comfort. I hate the expression, "it's for your own good, " but as Bekindalways alluded being in the home means he does not face any direct consequences of his drinking.

Bekindalways

It sounds like you have started taking the steps to make it happen. Congrats . . . . .hmmm, somehow saying that doesn't feel quite right as it is such a sad step to take but so so so necessary.

Are there other things you can do to make this easier for yourself? Go off on holiday for awhile and let the cops do it? I'm a bit short of ideas here as I've never been in this situation and live in the US.

FeelingGreat

hi Carlotta, you have a very clear idea of what needs to be done and why. How terrible for the children to be hearing verbal abuse in what should be a peaceful happy home.
Even though it's hard to just go ahead and take action, a clean cut without explanation or justification may be the best way to do it. I'm sure you've been advised about changing the locks and what to do with his belongings if he is removed by the police.
Have you been to your local station and asked them how they handle these things?

Remember that he's an adult and his fate is in his own hands, not yours. He has had many chances to stop, get a job, find accommodation. Your obligation is to yourself and your children, not to be driven out of your own home.