Learning14

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Lots of GOOD, SOUND advice here.

Please QUIT GIVING HIM MONEY. No more.

Seek the legal route of getting your things back and be done with him. Don't call, don't drive by, nothing.

Lostnconfu

Thank you all for your consideration. Your replies are making me think that I am the problem. This hurts but it is what it is. The things are not worth it at this point. He can have them. I guess I will slowly start shopping for myself.

Ladybird579

Your replies are making me think that I am the problem.

No, not you but your reactions to him. We've all been there and done the same but once you see how pointless it is arguing or trying to get normal responses from an active alcoholic you can only focus on yourself and your own life and we can only control our own behaviour and ways of thinking.

Learning14

Most of us do or did/working on it have a problem. It's with codependency. The addiction isn't your issue, but the way you are reacting to it isn't healthy. It just isn't. It's up to you to want to change it and get better or keep going down the rabbit hole.

♥♥

AnvilheadII

Your replies are making me think that I am the problem.

it's about the amount of POWER you are giving to him.

the good news is you can take your power back.

Lostnconfu

Hey all! I am not sure why but about an hour ago, something clicked in me. I can't control any of this. Nothing. And no matter what I did, I know I did nothing to deserve this. I am thinking of how nice it will be to not have to walk on eggshells and be nervous about how he is going to react in public. I don't have to go back and apologize to waiters or cashiers for his going bananas. I don't have to be called names. And best of all, I get to maintain my dignity!! I work. I pay bills. I am responsible. I was the catch! And I am much better now. To the point I have an appetite. Maybe I was using my stuff as a way to force him to see me. AFTER ALL, IT'S JUST CLOTHES. I will buy more. Life is too short to feel rejected by an absolute, smelly reject.

CentralOhioDad

You go girl!!

honeypig

Lnc, a saying you might hear around here is this one: Let go or be dragged.

You were being dragged big-time. It's so great to hear that you've decided to turn loose of a problem that isn't yours to solve and a weight that isn't yours to bear. Stand firm--it's easy to look back and start to doubt. That's what we're here for at SR. Just stop back for a reality check any time you start to waver.

Spence7471

Lostnconfu,

You just figured out how you will find peace with all this... well done.

Somedays you will have a harder time believing that you are not part of the circus, but most days it is easy to realize that the drama is not yours to control... and that you can just walk away from it with your head held high.

NotAPeach

Girl. I'm glad you worked this out. If all you have at his place is clothes? Big whoop. Off you go to the shops! You will hear from him again, perhaps sooner than you think, so be ready. Be strong. You are right: You are the catch.

ScaryTime

Good work! Yes, YOU are the catch. He WILL contact you eventually, I would suggest no contact. Block him. Don’t let yourself go back to that craziness!
Good for you, stay strong!

hopeful4

Yes!!! Good stuff!!!!

AnvilheadII

from Honeypig's post about Let Go or Be Dragged.....

it JUST occurred to me, the butterfly isn't the only one engaged in a battle.....that rock sure doesn't look like IT wants to go anywhere!!!

i think often in our haste and glee to fix/save/rescue/redirect/encourage/motivate/threaten/impel/prod our chosen person to the place in life WE think THEY should be, we forget to ASK for their permission and concurrence FIRST.

Butterfly: Hey Mr. Rock, I would like to bind you up in my "love" and "concern" and bring you along to a higher state of consciousness. i want to help you FLY even tho you are rock.......

Rock: yeah well about that, i'm a rock, i've always been a rock, and i don't WANT to stop being a rock. if you roll me up a hill and let me go, i will roll right back down to where i am now. no matter how high in the sky you throw me, i will always fall back to earth. i like it here, so i'm gonna pass...

Butterfly: But you can't SEE what i can as i flit and fly about. the world is such a beautiful place where I AM.

Rock: It's not bad here either down on the ground. i like it. i'm not much of a flier, but you go right ahead......

Bekindalways

Wow Lostconf, I just read your thread. You have been through the mill. I don't know what brought you to the realization you had above but at one point I would have paid good money for a bottle of that . . . .irk.

Let us know how you get on. It is almost a certainty that he will contact you.

Hugs and courage to you beautiful lady!

honeypig

Anvil, just wanted to say thanks for the insights in your post--yep, that was certainly MY thought process regarding XAH! And unfortunately, I often still fall into that trap. Who made ME the Exalted Ruler and All-Knowing Overseer of All?

Quote on that subject attributed to the Dalai Lama: People take different roads seeking happiness, Just because they are not on your road doesn't mean they are lost.

Lostnconfu

Omg! I slept last night for the first time in I don't know how long and I slept WELL. I ate because my appetite is back and then I dozed off at 7:30. I slept til 1:30 AM and was up for an hour til I dozed back off and slept til 5:51 AM. I feel great and am focused on my fitness and self. Tonight, I resume going to the gym to workout. I feel pretty good! My sleep is no longer disturbed and I can eat. I had the best realization ever! Sweet!

Lostnconfu

I was going to watch tv last night on Hulu and realized that he was watching my Hulu!! The nerve! Lol! I deactivated it. As well as the Netflix, cable, and Amazon Prime. Problem solved!

Bekindalways

Oh dear I just experienced a bit of schadenfreude.

You're probably going to hear from this guy sooner rather than later.

Lostnconfu

I am never going back to that type of life. The apprehension was too much! I am so glad that I only have to be responsible for my own behavior. I do not have to worry about anyone else. I just feel... better.

Lostnconfu

UPDATE: Early this morning at around 2:45 AM, I received a call from an unknown number. I answered. And it was my ex. He said "Oh, so you want to act like you're sleeping now?" and I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Then a Deputy gets on the phone and starts telling me that he was giving me a notice that I was no longer welcome at my ex's home. I kept telling him that I had been asleep and had not been there. I told him I had not called, text, or seen him. And my last date of contact was last Sunday. The deputy kept replying that he wasn't saying I had been there or not. But he was putting me on an "official notice". Let me clear, I have had 0 contact with my ex. No calls, texts, nothing. Nothing, I have no idea what he is talking about! 15 minutes later, my ex called back and when I answered he said it was an accident! I just hung up. No words. No convo, no nothing. What in the heck is going on? I just assumed he would go away when I no longer contacted him at all. Not even about my stuff! I was at home in bed. Sleeping at the hour! I then had to take 2 hours off of work to talk to the police and let them know and prove to them that I was NOT there. Or close at the time! I was at my home. In bed. They told me he said I was parked across the street from his house. I am FINE with it being over. Really! Why is he doing this? Why can't he just leave me alone?