The Holidays Are Here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
The Holidays Are Here
Ok friends, the holidays are upon us. We all know that these days can be some of the worst for those of us with an alcoholic family member. Last year at this time I was married to an alcoholic. Thanksgiving and the week leading up to it were horrible. Christmas was the same. We all know how the holidays tend to go when your family is living with active alcoholism. What are you going to do this year to be good to yourself during the holidays? I'm now divorced after 21 years of marriage so this year is definitely going to be different. Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my sister and little niece. Monday, happy hour with a friend. Tuesday, a movie with my other sister. My son and I are going to make pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes on Wednesday while we watch a holiday movie. Then we are spending all day Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in a long long time. My life is much more full and satisfying than it was last year and I plan to celebrate that this holiday season. Love and peace to all of you. Without the guidance I received here, I don't know that I would be in this better place now. Thank you very much.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Congrats Westexy. I hope you develop some great traditions and ride through any sorrows that show up.
I'm attending a Thanksgiving at a friend's who is putting together a semi-orphan's thanksgiving.
I'm really struggling with whether to travel to visit friends in Mexico for Christmas or stay with family. My mom has Alzheimer's and although she doesn't really know me I am clinging to her as she gets closer to the end. As hard as it has been, it has also been a magical time.
I'm attending a Thanksgiving at a friend's who is putting together a semi-orphan's thanksgiving.
I'm really struggling with whether to travel to visit friends in Mexico for Christmas or stay with family. My mom has Alzheimer's and although she doesn't really know me I am clinging to her as she gets closer to the end. As hard as it has been, it has also been a magical time.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
You sound great, my friend. It's amazing how I also used to dread a drunk husband during the holidays. I am blessed being divorced and don't have to worry about him ruining another holiday.
Hugs to you and enjoy your serenity, you deserve it.
Hugs to you and enjoy your serenity, you deserve it.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The holidays can be tough, no doubt. For me, Thanksgiving is a pretty "fraught" sort of time. Two years ago, XAH moved out the day after Thanksgiving. Ten years ago, a few days before Thanksgiving, younger sis was diagnosed with brain mets of the breast cancer she'd just finished dealing with; it would kill her in less than 5 months.
I come from a big family, 7 kids, and with one thing and another, we just don't all come together any more for the holidays--brother living in Canada, one sister dead, another portion of the family alienated ever since I "came out" about childhood sexual abuse by my stepfather/their father. It does make me sad sometimes when I remember the bustling kitchen, the lack of places to sit, the driveway jammed w/cars...we will only be 7 people this year.
In addition to that, I work at a bakery, and the next few days are going to be intense--the workload is heavy, tempers fray, mistakes will be made. You'd never think there could be that much drama involved in getting the rolls and pumpkin pies out the door, would you? But behind the scenes, my friends, it's not all chocolate croissants and buttercream frosting, I assure you!
So some baggage is included, no doubt. But one of the things I've learned here and benefited from tremendously is the practice of gratitude. It has stood me in good stead many, many times in the past years, and I'm going to fall back on it again this year. While much is gone for good, much remains, and there is always the opportunity to start new traditions and try new things.
First of all, I have FOUR WHOLE ENTIRE DAYS OFF, starting on Thursday. One of my co-workers is looking for extra hours, and I gladly gave him mine from Thursday and Friday. I am so looking forward to this time off!
I am going to my sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner, have been assigned the salad as usual (apparently I am the veggie sister!) as well as to bring one of our lovely pumpkin pies from work. Here's a pic--pumpkin in the foreground, pumpkin turtle cheesecake in the back:
And after that, I am going to spend the next 3 days finishing up my winterizing (going to seal up the biggest cracks in my old farmhouse w/that foam-in-a-can stuff) while making sure to get in some relaxation and rejuvenation, likely involving some time w/my spinning wheel and crochet hook, which have been sadly neglected through the summer. I still have to get through Christmas at work, and winter here can be tough in its own right. Gotta fill up that well so I have reserves when they're needed.
Wishing all here a happy and grateful Thanksgiving! Meanwhile, at the bakery, we have our work cut out for us!
I come from a big family, 7 kids, and with one thing and another, we just don't all come together any more for the holidays--brother living in Canada, one sister dead, another portion of the family alienated ever since I "came out" about childhood sexual abuse by my stepfather/their father. It does make me sad sometimes when I remember the bustling kitchen, the lack of places to sit, the driveway jammed w/cars...we will only be 7 people this year.
In addition to that, I work at a bakery, and the next few days are going to be intense--the workload is heavy, tempers fray, mistakes will be made. You'd never think there could be that much drama involved in getting the rolls and pumpkin pies out the door, would you? But behind the scenes, my friends, it's not all chocolate croissants and buttercream frosting, I assure you!
So some baggage is included, no doubt. But one of the things I've learned here and benefited from tremendously is the practice of gratitude. It has stood me in good stead many, many times in the past years, and I'm going to fall back on it again this year. While much is gone for good, much remains, and there is always the opportunity to start new traditions and try new things.
First of all, I have FOUR WHOLE ENTIRE DAYS OFF, starting on Thursday. One of my co-workers is looking for extra hours, and I gladly gave him mine from Thursday and Friday. I am so looking forward to this time off!
I am going to my sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner, have been assigned the salad as usual (apparently I am the veggie sister!) as well as to bring one of our lovely pumpkin pies from work. Here's a pic--pumpkin in the foreground, pumpkin turtle cheesecake in the back:
And after that, I am going to spend the next 3 days finishing up my winterizing (going to seal up the biggest cracks in my old farmhouse w/that foam-in-a-can stuff) while making sure to get in some relaxation and rejuvenation, likely involving some time w/my spinning wheel and crochet hook, which have been sadly neglected through the summer. I still have to get through Christmas at work, and winter here can be tough in its own right. Gotta fill up that well so I have reserves when they're needed.
Wishing all here a happy and grateful Thanksgiving! Meanwhile, at the bakery, we have our work cut out for us!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I am grateful for another holiday season without alcoholic drama.
But for me the holidays just don't seem the same since AXH and I split up. I guess because our family is divided now.
I used to put on a huge Christmas. I decorated and baked and cooked for days. I put as much effort into wrapping gifts as I did trying to find all the perfect ones for everybody. Bundling up, then going and harvesting a tree in the woods, bringing it home and decorating it lavishly as a family was a big deal for all of us... I miss all the happiness that those activities brought to all of us. Part of me still feels like the villain for being the one that decided to change all that. ( I know, I know....)
Three years ago, Xmas 2014, was our first Xmas broken up, the next Xmas season my dad died Dec.14, and last year was my first Xmas ever away from my family ( including my kids) as I have moved 3,000 miles away from them all. I haven't had much in the way of Christmas spirit these last few years. Even now, hearing Christmas music, which I used to love, makes me so sad.
This year I will also be apart from my own family, however, I have been blessed with two wonderful sets of new inlaws.( DHs parents are divorced and each remarried) I know I will be loved and warmly welcomed over these holidays... but I'm still nostalgic for the GOOD PARTS of the "old days"
I guess my best course of action would be to get on with making new traditions with my new husband and leaving the past back there were it belongs. I'm trying. I've been much better about it on a daily basis but the holidays still seem to be my big hang up.
It helps a bit when I remind myself how many Christmas Eves that Mrs.Claus had to haul out all the Xmas presents by herself because Santa was passed out on the couch....
I am wishing everyone here a HAPPY and HEALTHY holiday season, whatever their circumstances may be.
*group hug*
But for me the holidays just don't seem the same since AXH and I split up. I guess because our family is divided now.
I used to put on a huge Christmas. I decorated and baked and cooked for days. I put as much effort into wrapping gifts as I did trying to find all the perfect ones for everybody. Bundling up, then going and harvesting a tree in the woods, bringing it home and decorating it lavishly as a family was a big deal for all of us... I miss all the happiness that those activities brought to all of us. Part of me still feels like the villain for being the one that decided to change all that. ( I know, I know....)
Three years ago, Xmas 2014, was our first Xmas broken up, the next Xmas season my dad died Dec.14, and last year was my first Xmas ever away from my family ( including my kids) as I have moved 3,000 miles away from them all. I haven't had much in the way of Christmas spirit these last few years. Even now, hearing Christmas music, which I used to love, makes me so sad.
This year I will also be apart from my own family, however, I have been blessed with two wonderful sets of new inlaws.( DHs parents are divorced and each remarried) I know I will be loved and warmly welcomed over these holidays... but I'm still nostalgic for the GOOD PARTS of the "old days"
I guess my best course of action would be to get on with making new traditions with my new husband and leaving the past back there were it belongs. I'm trying. I've been much better about it on a daily basis but the holidays still seem to be my big hang up.
It helps a bit when I remind myself how many Christmas Eves that Mrs.Claus had to haul out all the Xmas presents by herself because Santa was passed out on the couch....
I am wishing everyone here a HAPPY and HEALTHY holiday season, whatever their circumstances may be.
*group hug*
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
We, happily, don’t embrace Christmas much, and havent for many years, the result of living away from family.
We don’t exchange gifts with each other, although I am eying a new water pik as a “present” for me and spouse.
I know, it’s pretty pitiful.
But...I must say, it is very freeing not to buy into some of the more egregious holiday stuff.
When I worked, I would observe colleagues spinning themselves into a tizzy trying to make the holidays picture perfect.
So glad I don’t.
Before I get labeled Ms. Grinch, which actually would make me snort, I am cooking Thanksgiving for mom and mil.
Havent cooked a turkey in a while. Hope it goes well.
We don’t exchange gifts with each other, although I am eying a new water pik as a “present” for me and spouse.
I know, it’s pretty pitiful.
But...I must say, it is very freeing not to buy into some of the more egregious holiday stuff.
When I worked, I would observe colleagues spinning themselves into a tizzy trying to make the holidays picture perfect.
So glad I don’t.
Before I get labeled Ms. Grinch, which actually would make me snort, I am cooking Thanksgiving for mom and mil.
Havent cooked a turkey in a while. Hope it goes well.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
My daughter(22yr old) is back living with me,while she transitioned into a GREAT new job and my house is close to her work. I was going to skip on doing anything this year(breakup,1st yr sober,blah) as I've never been big on holidays anyways. However...She asked me if we could decorate for x-mas this year after we have thanksgiving together. I was very taken back at her request,but I guess being sober for a while does have it's effect on our loved ones wanting to spend time with us. She offered to buy all decorations and the tree.. I'll add I make about 4x what she does,but she thinks she's going to buy as of now. I can still be a sober smartass!? So, I've got my maid coming by Tue and having a tree delivered by one of my employees on Thursday. He'll have dinner with us and help me decorate(make some money),since he's going to be alone this year. She's already invited a few of her friends and I'll invite those of mine that might not have anywhere to go. Maybe even a few from AA,but I try to keep my personal life away from AA,so not sure about that.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 37
Wow, SmallButMighty! In reading your post, I just realized I don't remember a Christmas Eve in at least the last 15 years when Santa Claus wasn't passed out. Amazing what I have accepted as normal.
That said, I suppose this will be another "normal" holiday. AH up until now has managed himself in front of extended family, and I have no reason to think that he won't again this year. Although the drama leading up to it is expected. The threats to not participate, cancel it, the "your family" statements, etc. I guess that's another "normal".
Fortunately, I love the holidays - the smells, the sounds, spending time with family, the decorations, the hectic schedules, and the overall excitement. I look forward to this time of year. Although for some reason the past few years "The Little Drummer Boy" song brings me to tears. Still trying to figure that one out, but I'm pretty sure it's something about the hopefulness.
That said, I suppose this will be another "normal" holiday. AH up until now has managed himself in front of extended family, and I have no reason to think that he won't again this year. Although the drama leading up to it is expected. The threats to not participate, cancel it, the "your family" statements, etc. I guess that's another "normal".
Fortunately, I love the holidays - the smells, the sounds, spending time with family, the decorations, the hectic schedules, and the overall excitement. I look forward to this time of year. Although for some reason the past few years "The Little Drummer Boy" song brings me to tears. Still trying to figure that one out, but I'm pretty sure it's something about the hopefulness.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I'm filled with peace going into this holiday season and looking at keeping this powerful, healing balance in my life each day.
Shopping: spending a good amount of time in festive, energetic places with happy people. The amount of money I spend doesn't equate to joy, so the shopping experience has changed up to what I'm receiving through interactions with others... listening to music in the stores... yes, there will be dancing!,,, enjoying the presence of other families out having fun... avoiding/side-stepping around those who are in a negative mode, and gratefully accepting bonus fun activities. Last year that included painting ceramic ornaments and a Santa plate. This year it's been free photo set-ups for posed pictures.
Went to the mall yesterday and spent $0. Had a blast! Then spent even more time at a large specialty store that was decked out for the holidays with decorations, music and happy employees. Spent $2 for games for DS10 to play while there and received more than that in some free rides.... plus they're going to have Santa days when we can take our own photos.
I bought some presents two months ago for no particular reason, but it never worked out to bring them to the people I bought them for... now it's obvious these gifts are meant to be for the holidays and I've also greatly enjoyed having the anticipation of giving them!
Very different than many past very stressful years, when trying to please others rather than putting myself first.
I can even vocalize what gifts I'd like, if I'm asked... which I've really struggled with before. This is a HUGE move forward for me and I'm grateful to recognize that.
Shopping: spending a good amount of time in festive, energetic places with happy people. The amount of money I spend doesn't equate to joy, so the shopping experience has changed up to what I'm receiving through interactions with others... listening to music in the stores... yes, there will be dancing!,,, enjoying the presence of other families out having fun... avoiding/side-stepping around those who are in a negative mode, and gratefully accepting bonus fun activities. Last year that included painting ceramic ornaments and a Santa plate. This year it's been free photo set-ups for posed pictures.
Went to the mall yesterday and spent $0. Had a blast! Then spent even more time at a large specialty store that was decked out for the holidays with decorations, music and happy employees. Spent $2 for games for DS10 to play while there and received more than that in some free rides.... plus they're going to have Santa days when we can take our own photos.
I bought some presents two months ago for no particular reason, but it never worked out to bring them to the people I bought them for... now it's obvious these gifts are meant to be for the holidays and I've also greatly enjoyed having the anticipation of giving them!
Very different than many past very stressful years, when trying to please others rather than putting myself first.
I can even vocalize what gifts I'd like, if I'm asked... which I've really struggled with before. This is a HUGE move forward for me and I'm grateful to recognize that.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 249
Two years ago when I kicked AH for the first time were tough because I was still holding on to the idea that maybe kicking him would “wake him up” and seek help. I was scared because I didn’t have a job nor money and had no idea how I was going to take care of my son.
This time I am looking forward to spending the holidays with my family in Toronto and keep things very low key. I have no plans other than just enjoy the company of my family, who is drama-free, no alcoholism and no stress, at least not the type of stress drugs and alcohol can bring to a family.
This time I am looking forward to spending the holidays with my family in Toronto and keep things very low key. I have no plans other than just enjoy the company of my family, who is drama-free, no alcoholism and no stress, at least not the type of stress drugs and alcohol can bring to a family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
It is so good to hear from all of you. I don't really get into the busy-ness of the holidays, but I am very happy to spend time with friends and family and eat, eat, eat. I don't enjoy the excessive darkness of this season so I'm focusing on brightening things up with fires in the fireplace, candles, music and outings to pretty places. I would love to find a nice holiday concert to attend.
SmallbutMighty - Holidays definitely seem to change as I age and most definitely will change with the new family structure. I feel you and I see many of my friends working to accept their new normals whether it's not seeing family, being single, family in hospital during the holidays, etc. Congratulations on your new family. It feels good to be surrounded by good people, blood relative or not.
Honeypig - Those pies! I worked in a bakery when I was in my teens and I wish I had been more conscientious at the time. I would be making all kinds of crazy baked goods for the holidays. I'm happy that you were able to give some hours to a co-worker. Four days off is a very good thing.
SmallbutMighty - Holidays definitely seem to change as I age and most definitely will change with the new family structure. I feel you and I see many of my friends working to accept their new normals whether it's not seeing family, being single, family in hospital during the holidays, etc. Congratulations on your new family. It feels good to be surrounded by good people, blood relative or not.
Honeypig - Those pies! I worked in a bakery when I was in my teens and I wish I had been more conscientious at the time. I would be making all kinds of crazy baked goods for the holidays. I'm happy that you were able to give some hours to a co-worker. Four days off is a very good thing.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Honeypig.....those pies look AMAZING! They are a work of art, it would be hard to cut one up I believe.
My family has gotten smaller. It's the holidays that I miss my XAH's family, which is expanding. My sister is not going to be in town, so it will just be me, my kids, and my parents. However, I am thankful that we will all get together, and that we have each other.
I am struggling financially this holiday season, so that's a challenge. However, I am so happy to have time off of work coming up. I am excited to put up our decorations (I have a cute little house and great decorations LOL). I am going to do all I can to just slow down (if that's possible) and enjoy the moments. Christmas movies (I watched the Elf last night, it's just as funny every single year), make cookies, do a craft or two, go to the events in my town, and just have some fun!
My XAH has a hard time holding it together around this time of year, so that always gives me some anxiety. However, I am not going to let that ruin any of my time!
My family has gotten smaller. It's the holidays that I miss my XAH's family, which is expanding. My sister is not going to be in town, so it will just be me, my kids, and my parents. However, I am thankful that we will all get together, and that we have each other.
I am struggling financially this holiday season, so that's a challenge. However, I am so happy to have time off of work coming up. I am excited to put up our decorations (I have a cute little house and great decorations LOL). I am going to do all I can to just slow down (if that's possible) and enjoy the moments. Christmas movies (I watched the Elf last night, it's just as funny every single year), make cookies, do a craft or two, go to the events in my town, and just have some fun!
My XAH has a hard time holding it together around this time of year, so that always gives me some anxiety. However, I am not going to let that ruin any of my time!
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Thank you for the thoughtful post and all the stories of how everyone is dealing. Looks like everyone has a nice plan in place. Thanksgiving had always been a wonderful holiday for me. My mother hosts every year and we have about 20 family members come to the house. We eat all of the traditional foods plus a few of the special dishes I grew up with my aunts making. The last three Thanksgivings however have been a little bittersweet even if I still find the joy. 2015 was the first year addiction came into my life. It was actually Thanksgiving week when I experienced his first full blown relapse. I didn't know at the time that it was normal for him to disappear when this happens so I was left that week thinking he just walked out on me. I didn't know that he spent that week on the streets drinking. I have memories and even photos of myself at that Thanksgiving dinner that year where I could see the pain in my face and in my eyes. What I also didn't know was that this would continue onto the next couple of years and I would be around for it.
This Thanksgiving he is missing again. I am doing my best to be present in my own life and embrace it all despite. Doing my best not to let my mind wander too far into what I wait to be revealed this week. I have done much better in letting go, but I would be lying if I didn't say it always felt like waiting for news. My hope is that wherever he is God is protecting. In the meantime, this week I am helping some colleagues with work obligations and enjoying being of service due to my more open capacity. I will be going to my therapist on Wednesday which will be nice because I haven't seen her in a while. Then I will head to the grocery store to get ingredients for a dish I am making before going to my parents that evening. I am trying to find a good book to read otherwise maybe find a good movie to watch with my mom.
Thursday sleep in, take a long walk in the neighborhood with my dog, hit an alanon meeting, and await the hordes of family. We began a Friday tradition of going to the mall in the evening with my brother and his wife and then dinner and catching a movie. Overall it should be a good week. I am down but will be doing my very best to find joy in it all.
This Thanksgiving he is missing again. I am doing my best to be present in my own life and embrace it all despite. Doing my best not to let my mind wander too far into what I wait to be revealed this week. I have done much better in letting go, but I would be lying if I didn't say it always felt like waiting for news. My hope is that wherever he is God is protecting. In the meantime, this week I am helping some colleagues with work obligations and enjoying being of service due to my more open capacity. I will be going to my therapist on Wednesday which will be nice because I haven't seen her in a while. Then I will head to the grocery store to get ingredients for a dish I am making before going to my parents that evening. I am trying to find a good book to read otherwise maybe find a good movie to watch with my mom.
Thursday sleep in, take a long walk in the neighborhood with my dog, hit an alanon meeting, and await the hordes of family. We began a Friday tradition of going to the mall in the evening with my brother and his wife and then dinner and catching a movie. Overall it should be a good week. I am down but will be doing my very best to find joy in it all.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by searching4shay 
I look forward to this time of year. Although for some reason the past few years "The Little Drummer Boy" song brings me to tears. Still trying to figure that one out, but I'm pretty sure it's something about the hopefulness.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Ahhh...the holidays. I've been out of my alcoholic relationship since 2013 so I no longer dread them....actually I didn't even dread them at the end, I just got used to thinking of them as "just another day". To be honest I sort of feel that way now - and it's not a negative thing, it's just I don't place some sort of uber importance on what I am or am not doing for a holiday. I have plans to go to a male friend's family thanksgiving and I got invited to my ex's family celebration which I politely turned down (he sobered up after I left and we remained cordial but are two different people.....I digress....but just a thought for those thinking "if only he got sober...."). My family is far away and both my mother and father are passed, so I guess I've gotten kind of used to spending the day with friends or wherever....I've even spent a couple VERY RELAXING holidays alone and really it was "just another day".
All that said I have to change my holiday attitude starting this Christmas! After cancer, three surgeries, three egg retrievals, one failed implantation....I have a surrogate who is pregnant with my daughter!!! It's a REAL MIRACLE and I am so happy I can't even begin to explain. Her due date is December 24th....maybe that's my higher power's way of making sure Christmas is no longer "just another day"....LOL. Anyone curious can read my story but this little girl is truly a miracle and this Christmas is set to be the best one of my life. So I guess yes I do have big plans for Christmas - and if you'd asked me back in 2011 when I was enmeshed with my XRAH deep in codependency I never would have seen in coming.....oh and I forgot I also purchased my first house and have a beautiful nursery set up for my daughter....so I guess it is a truly Happy Holiday!
EDIT: I should explain....right after I left my XRAH I diagnosed with a very early cancer involving the reproductive system (it was stage 0 - so VERY EARLY). I had a surgery to get rid of the cancer cells but my fertility was at risk so due to my age and the surgery I went to a fertility doctor before the surgery (even though the OBGYN said I didn't need to). Well the OBGYN made an error during the surgery and I spent 9 months in pain in and out of the ER waiting for a specialty doctor to reverse the error. In the meantime I did three egg retrievals and used donor sperm (I'm in my 40s so this was necessary I had no kids and wanted them badly and had sacrificed them for my relationship...very codie). I then got the surgery to fix the error on the first surgery, it was successful but I was very damaged and chances of carrying were slim. I only had two viable embryos so I tried implanting one in me and it failed. My mom then passed....yes I had a bad year. I used the small amount of money she left me as an inheritance to get a surrogate to carry the one remaining embryo...a little girl....and the miracle happened!!! Here I am expecting a daughter.
All that said I have to change my holiday attitude starting this Christmas! After cancer, three surgeries, three egg retrievals, one failed implantation....I have a surrogate who is pregnant with my daughter!!! It's a REAL MIRACLE and I am so happy I can't even begin to explain. Her due date is December 24th....maybe that's my higher power's way of making sure Christmas is no longer "just another day"....LOL. Anyone curious can read my story but this little girl is truly a miracle and this Christmas is set to be the best one of my life. So I guess yes I do have big plans for Christmas - and if you'd asked me back in 2011 when I was enmeshed with my XRAH deep in codependency I never would have seen in coming.....oh and I forgot I also purchased my first house and have a beautiful nursery set up for my daughter....so I guess it is a truly Happy Holiday!
EDIT: I should explain....right after I left my XRAH I diagnosed with a very early cancer involving the reproductive system (it was stage 0 - so VERY EARLY). I had a surgery to get rid of the cancer cells but my fertility was at risk so due to my age and the surgery I went to a fertility doctor before the surgery (even though the OBGYN said I didn't need to). Well the OBGYN made an error during the surgery and I spent 9 months in pain in and out of the ER waiting for a specialty doctor to reverse the error. In the meantime I did three egg retrievals and used donor sperm (I'm in my 40s so this was necessary I had no kids and wanted them badly and had sacrificed them for my relationship...very codie). I then got the surgery to fix the error on the first surgery, it was successful but I was very damaged and chances of carrying were slim. I only had two viable embryos so I tried implanting one in me and it failed. My mom then passed....yes I had a bad year. I used the small amount of money she left me as an inheritance to get a surrogate to carry the one remaining embryo...a little girl....and the miracle happened!!! Here I am expecting a daughter.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
Congratulations Aeryn! I doubt that you'll have to do anything to change your holiday attitude. My bet is it will change magically once that little cutie arrives. So happy for you. When my son was born, my attitude about every EVERY day changed.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
I am looking forward to Thanksgiving sans ex husband. He was not successful into guilting me to invite him. Note that he only invited me over to his mothers house after I mentioned that it is odd that he invites himself over but I am never invited to their side.
Me and DS are having another single mom with her daughter and her mom over for Thanksgiving. Then DS goes with XAH and I am doing a Thanksgiving tour of my friends houses😊 I am doing Black Friday thing and seeing a show or a two over the weekend. Oh, and running a half marathon!
Meanwhile, XAH assumed he is invited for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's funny how he assumes these things. I did invite him to get a tree with us - primarily because I don't want to haul it on my back haha.
Me and DS are having another single mom with her daughter and her mom over for Thanksgiving. Then DS goes with XAH and I am doing a Thanksgiving tour of my friends houses😊 I am doing Black Friday thing and seeing a show or a two over the weekend. Oh, and running a half marathon!
Meanwhile, XAH assumed he is invited for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's funny how he assumes these things. I did invite him to get a tree with us - primarily because I don't want to haul it on my back haha.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I really struggle at this time of year. For me it's much more about dealing with my FOO and the rampant, unchecked & merciless codependency.
What should have been a fairly simple conversation with my mom about T-Day this morning turned into a Master Class in Passive Aggressive Martyring & I had to HALT because I could feel my anger rising like fire inside. My sister is following directly in my mother's footprints so sometimes leaving them to deal with one another is just the path of least resistance for me - but this year my sister is going away for the holiday, ugh, no buffer.
This may not be a popular opinion but in some ways, the obviousness & outright dysfunction of addiction is sometimes a lot easier for me to deal with than this stuff - RAH stumbles but they don't even see the NEED for change in themselves - there is no real self-awareness at all.... yet they make constant judgments about him & his path. (esp my sister)
Christmas is easier because I have more time off from work so I can take things slower & build in breaks (read: time-outs) for myself. There are also a lot more activities & events to distract us from one another, lol.
What should have been a fairly simple conversation with my mom about T-Day this morning turned into a Master Class in Passive Aggressive Martyring & I had to HALT because I could feel my anger rising like fire inside. My sister is following directly in my mother's footprints so sometimes leaving them to deal with one another is just the path of least resistance for me - but this year my sister is going away for the holiday, ugh, no buffer.
This may not be a popular opinion but in some ways, the obviousness & outright dysfunction of addiction is sometimes a lot easier for me to deal with than this stuff - RAH stumbles but they don't even see the NEED for change in themselves - there is no real self-awareness at all.... yet they make constant judgments about him & his path. (esp my sister)
Christmas is easier because I have more time off from work so I can take things slower & build in breaks (read: time-outs) for myself. There are also a lot more activities & events to distract us from one another, lol.
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