Symptoms of the disease
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Symptoms of the disease
I've been No Contact with my husband and haven't read the text messages he sent. Now I just did... typical, "normal" symptoms of alcoholism.
Asking me to please get help for my problems, to go see a doctor, to look at what I'm doing to myself and DS10. To please call him, or he'll call the police. To please call. PS... he loves me so much.
This, from my husband, who refused a breathalyzer test when I asked, was belligerent, drove off when I called the police for help and support, and was drunk the last time I saw him several weeks ago.
We've lived in separate cities for 1 1/2 years, and he doesn't know where we're living now. Thank you, God, for how this worked out.
My symptom of this disease.... feeling like I need to DO something about those texts. Feeling like crap. In reality, he knows what he's doing. He's firing at me in attempt to hurt me. Posting here is my way of stepping up and telling this Family Disease of Alcoholism to back off. I'm not buying it this time.
Staying No Contact says all I need to, loud and clear. Yes, I've seen my doctor recently and I'm in good physical, mental and emotional health. AH knows this. He's requested that I see a doctor that he picks for me.
Leaving the texts in case I need them for documentation. Back to not reading them.
KTF
Asking me to please get help for my problems, to go see a doctor, to look at what I'm doing to myself and DS10. To please call him, or he'll call the police. To please call. PS... he loves me so much.
This, from my husband, who refused a breathalyzer test when I asked, was belligerent, drove off when I called the police for help and support, and was drunk the last time I saw him several weeks ago.
We've lived in separate cities for 1 1/2 years, and he doesn't know where we're living now. Thank you, God, for how this worked out.
My symptom of this disease.... feeling like I need to DO something about those texts. Feeling like crap. In reality, he knows what he's doing. He's firing at me in attempt to hurt me. Posting here is my way of stepping up and telling this Family Disease of Alcoholism to back off. I'm not buying it this time.
Staying No Contact says all I need to, loud and clear. Yes, I've seen my doctor recently and I'm in good physical, mental and emotional health. AH knows this. He's requested that I see a doctor that he picks for me.
Leaving the texts in case I need them for documentation. Back to not reading them.
KTF
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
He's the one who wouldn't take a breathalyzer, whose behavior required police intervention, and who was drunk on last sighting - but you're the one who has a problem? Sounds like projection to me.
You don't need to respond at all. He's a jerk.
You don't need to respond at all. He's a jerk.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
Oh, gosh! I had an alcoholic ex who was sure I'd fall back in love with him if only I got help for...shoot I don't remember...something about me rejecting love. After knowing me a month, he had all kinds of theories about why I wasn't head over heels. A traumatic illness, neglect by my parents, etc,etc, but...no. Really, I just didn't want to date an alcoholic.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
DS10 is homeschooling this year. Among the many the things we've done this past week:
Learned that yoga mats can make an improv base for carrying kayaks on my car. How to safely transport kayaks. Spent an afternoon on a mountain lake, explored an island covered with huckleberry bushes, identified and learned about local duck habitats, white-tailed ptarmigams and the importance of passive solar heat.
Learning how to play in new ways and incorporate math, language, communication and science into play.
We learned how to connect with others in very positive ways through group art therapy... fun, being true to ourselves, respecting and listening to others, healing from trauma.
DS10 also started a new book series, finished the first book in the series and he located a great small town bookstore (using a wifi connection and my old phone).... gave navigation instructions to me, asked the clerk for help, bought the second book and has started on that. Love of reading and life skills.
Learned that yoga mats can make an improv base for carrying kayaks on my car. How to safely transport kayaks. Spent an afternoon on a mountain lake, explored an island covered with huckleberry bushes, identified and learned about local duck habitats, white-tailed ptarmigams and the importance of passive solar heat.
Learning how to play in new ways and incorporate math, language, communication and science into play.
We learned how to connect with others in very positive ways through group art therapy... fun, being true to ourselves, respecting and listening to others, healing from trauma.
DS10 also started a new book series, finished the first book in the series and he located a great small town bookstore (using a wifi connection and my old phone).... gave navigation instructions to me, asked the clerk for help, bought the second book and has started on that. Love of reading and life skills.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I pray about it and have been talking with abuse counselors about NC and blocking/not blocking my husband's text messages. When he first relapsed I needed to block them for my own sanity.
There is no parenting plan and I've had sole custody of our son.
One day at a time...
I've kept my phone put away, ignore text messages and turn back to enjoying life.
There is no parenting plan and I've had sole custody of our son.
One day at a time...
I've kept my phone put away, ignore text messages and turn back to enjoying life.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Text from my husband... info on Bipolar Disorder. Implication that I'm suffering from it.
I deleted it, yet I have to agree that some of the symptoms sound eerily like those often acquired when dealing with an alcoholic. What was missed was that I haven't had the euphoria or increased sex drive (granted, about 12 years ago I tried bargaining with increased sex if he'd stop drinking... that was one of MY phases of this family disease of alcoholism), I'd like to say I haven't tended to self-harm... but looking back that's exactly what I've done when I wasn't able to leave.
False sense of superiority? Oh yeah, definitely another long phase I went through... thinking I know more than my husband does about what he really needs! Still struggling with that. I'm pretty sure this No Contact thing is also a gift to him or he'd really be hearing some rapid fire, agitated speech from me about the drinking, which is really NONE of my business... or so I've been told... because in his active addiction it doesn't seem to hurt anyone at all... yeah... I'm irate tonight. Probably a really GOOD idea to let some pent up anger out in this safe place.
Paranoid? Yes, very. When I'm in the vicinity of active alcoholism I tend to believe impending disaster is right around the corner.
"Bipolar Disorder
People may experience:
Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm
Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority
Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia
Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness
Whole body: fatigue or restlessness
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking"
I deleted it, yet I have to agree that some of the symptoms sound eerily like those often acquired when dealing with an alcoholic. What was missed was that I haven't had the euphoria or increased sex drive (granted, about 12 years ago I tried bargaining with increased sex if he'd stop drinking... that was one of MY phases of this family disease of alcoholism), I'd like to say I haven't tended to self-harm... but looking back that's exactly what I've done when I wasn't able to leave.
False sense of superiority? Oh yeah, definitely another long phase I went through... thinking I know more than my husband does about what he really needs! Still struggling with that. I'm pretty sure this No Contact thing is also a gift to him or he'd really be hearing some rapid fire, agitated speech from me about the drinking, which is really NONE of my business... or so I've been told... because in his active addiction it doesn't seem to hurt anyone at all... yeah... I'm irate tonight. Probably a really GOOD idea to let some pent up anger out in this safe place.
Paranoid? Yes, very. When I'm in the vicinity of active alcoholism I tend to believe impending disaster is right around the corner.
"Bipolar Disorder
People may experience:
Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm
Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority
Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia
Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness
Whole body: fatigue or restlessness
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking"
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
"eu·pho·ri·a
yo͞oˈfôrēə
noun
a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
'The euphoria of success will fuel your desire to continue training'"
I have to admit, I'm working towards feeling this way... and sometimes hit on moments of intense joy or happiness. Not quite what I imagine as euphoria.
Now I'm getting a sense of the irrationality of when I used to try diagnosing what was going on with him.
yo͞oˈfôrēə
noun
a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
'The euphoria of success will fuel your desire to continue training'"
I have to admit, I'm working towards feeling this way... and sometimes hit on moments of intense joy or happiness. Not quite what I imagine as euphoria.
Now I'm getting a sense of the irrationality of when I used to try diagnosing what was going on with him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith 
There is no parenting plan and I've had sole custody of our son.
I see that you have sole custody, may I ask how you were able to achieve that? Let me know if you would prefer a PM.
Sending strength!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
1.Prayer
2. The nature of the disease - chronic, progressive, self-centered
3. Taking things one day at a time
When my husband is challenged, he'll fight to win beyond any logic. I've never said he's not going to have custody. It's a conundrum, so I pray for eyes to see, ears to hear and strength to embrace the Illogical.... this disease is illogical, recovery is illogical and there is great beauty and magic in LIFE that is illogical.
Through this I've also armed myself with knowledge. I pray... and am lead to domestic violence help centers and counseling. I get to use my voice and get feedback. I get to change my mind with no judgements. I've prayed, and found lawyers knowledgeable about family law (including addictions and emotional abuse) and are able to quickly proceed if I need letters, a restraining order or anything else.
When my husband has said "I have rights!", I've learned how to stay on my own side of the street, pray... and see where that takes me. I'm imperfect. What I say and do is imperfect. Sometime I accept the imperfection in him also, sometimes I get fired up and other times I hear a voice inside that says "walk away".
I used to argue or cave when he's relapsed. Now I walk away. To him, that's a sign that I'm mentally ill. This isn't something I'm doing "to him", it's for my sanity and health. I know my own truth and am becoming comfortable in speaking that. In this case, my silence speaks volumes --- his refusing to listen when actively using is nothing new.
Thank you very much -- each of you!!! -- for sharing your strength and support.
KTF
2. The nature of the disease - chronic, progressive, self-centered
3. Taking things one day at a time
When my husband is challenged, he'll fight to win beyond any logic. I've never said he's not going to have custody. It's a conundrum, so I pray for eyes to see, ears to hear and strength to embrace the Illogical.... this disease is illogical, recovery is illogical and there is great beauty and magic in LIFE that is illogical.
Through this I've also armed myself with knowledge. I pray... and am lead to domestic violence help centers and counseling. I get to use my voice and get feedback. I get to change my mind with no judgements. I've prayed, and found lawyers knowledgeable about family law (including addictions and emotional abuse) and are able to quickly proceed if I need letters, a restraining order or anything else.
When my husband has said "I have rights!", I've learned how to stay on my own side of the street, pray... and see where that takes me. I'm imperfect. What I say and do is imperfect. Sometime I accept the imperfection in him also, sometimes I get fired up and other times I hear a voice inside that says "walk away".
I used to argue or cave when he's relapsed. Now I walk away. To him, that's a sign that I'm mentally ill. This isn't something I'm doing "to him", it's for my sanity and health. I know my own truth and am becoming comfortable in speaking that. In this case, my silence speaks volumes --- his refusing to listen when actively using is nothing new.
Thank you very much -- each of you!!! -- for sharing your strength and support.
KTF
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Also, I've found that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs... so when I get caught up in the whirlwind of alcoholism it's easier now for me to get through that.
When my husband relapsed this time, I immediately went no contact... and then broke it a week later. When I went back to no contact he sent a text threatening to call the police. I was SCARED. I called the non-emergency police number, they redirected my call to 911... and the 911 operator (after clarification of what was going on) said... "You don't have to call your husband." I went from tears... to laughter -- with her supportive laughter right alongside. This wasn't a legal who has custody issue... it was a one moment in one day and another bluff that in which I reached out to others instead of my ill husband.
When my husband relapsed this time, I immediately went no contact... and then broke it a week later. When I went back to no contact he sent a text threatening to call the police. I was SCARED. I called the non-emergency police number, they redirected my call to 911... and the 911 operator (after clarification of what was going on) said... "You don't have to call your husband." I went from tears... to laughter -- with her supportive laughter right alongside. This wasn't a legal who has custody issue... it was a one moment in one day and another bluff that in which I reached out to others instead of my ill husband.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Update...
My husband said yesterday... in a text...
That I can't just walk away without an explanation.
That I need to sit down and talk to him face to face or I can't expect him to support me.
At one time I bought into those kind of words, again and again. Now I can see.... I did give him an explanation. Alcoholism. That I need to put myself and our son first. That if he gets me into a face to face "conversation" he can and will likely badger me into putting what he wants first. That he hasn't "supported" us in any way in a very long time, and I was requesting my own funds to be transfered to me.
I'm not responding. I'm writing this here to strengthen my going forward in life instead of going back into unhealthy patterns I've repeated in the past.
My husband said yesterday... in a text...
That I can't just walk away without an explanation.
That I need to sit down and talk to him face to face or I can't expect him to support me.
At one time I bought into those kind of words, again and again. Now I can see.... I did give him an explanation. Alcoholism. That I need to put myself and our son first. That if he gets me into a face to face "conversation" he can and will likely badger me into putting what he wants first. That he hasn't "supported" us in any way in a very long time, and I was requesting my own funds to be transfered to me.
I'm not responding. I'm writing this here to strengthen my going forward in life instead of going back into unhealthy patterns I've repeated in the past.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
LIVING WITH AN ADDICT
People may experience:
Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm
Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority
Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia
Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness
Whole body: fatigue or restlessness
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking
Please, don't listen to his quacking. He's just trying everything out of desperation because this time you've removed his control. I get a mental image of him held aloft by one tiny foot by a giant, punching the air, threatening, bargaining, insulting, rationalizing. None of it working this time.
Stay strong in your faith, trust God to see you through. And keep reaching out. I loved your conversation with the 911 lady. It brought a tear to my eye.
Prayers for you today.
BB
People may experience:
Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm
Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority
Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia
Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness
Whole body: fatigue or restlessness
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking
Please, don't listen to his quacking. He's just trying everything out of desperation because this time you've removed his control. I get a mental image of him held aloft by one tiny foot by a giant, punching the air, threatening, bargaining, insulting, rationalizing. None of it working this time.
Stay strong in your faith, trust God to see you through. And keep reaching out. I loved your conversation with the 911 lady. It brought a tear to my eye.
Prayers for you today.
BB
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
