struggling with coming to terms with xabf
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 8
struggling with coming to terms with xabf
well this is my first time I have ever discussed this so here goes ,
I have been with my now xabf for over 3 years , we recently split cos of his drinking , to cut a long story short when I met this man he drank but not that much or so I thought .
I came to realise his drinking was getting out of hand , hiding his drink not being able to keep a job cos he would get drunk , spending all his money then coming to me when he needed well another drink he would tell me it was for other stuff .by the end we would constantly argue over his lies telling me he hadn't drank when I new him well by this point so I new , the lies were just beyond belief , he use to say it was me paranoid when really he was the paranoid one .
I was not allowed out and if I did he would be ringing me , I had a car at the time which I put him on my insurance little did I no he was driving round init drunk he would take it and have me walk round .
at the end he would call me for all kinds when he was drunk, spat in my face ,had me and the kids terrified. he was like a different bloke when he actually was sober ,do anything for anyone which I still cant get my head round .
we split about 4 weeks ago I had had enough I couldn't take anymore he was drinking allday by this time , im now struggling to come to terms with it all hurt cos of what hes done , I recently found out he is going with another girl im devasted did I mean that little , why do I feel so hurt I know I couldn't live like that but I tried everything to help him . why do I feel so hurt when I no hes not gonna change ?? im just after some answers to why uno !!
sorry for the long post just needed to get it off my chest
I have been with my now xabf for over 3 years , we recently split cos of his drinking , to cut a long story short when I met this man he drank but not that much or so I thought .
I came to realise his drinking was getting out of hand , hiding his drink not being able to keep a job cos he would get drunk , spending all his money then coming to me when he needed well another drink he would tell me it was for other stuff .by the end we would constantly argue over his lies telling me he hadn't drank when I new him well by this point so I new , the lies were just beyond belief , he use to say it was me paranoid when really he was the paranoid one .
I was not allowed out and if I did he would be ringing me , I had a car at the time which I put him on my insurance little did I no he was driving round init drunk he would take it and have me walk round .
at the end he would call me for all kinds when he was drunk, spat in my face ,had me and the kids terrified. he was like a different bloke when he actually was sober ,do anything for anyone which I still cant get my head round .
we split about 4 weeks ago I had had enough I couldn't take anymore he was drinking allday by this time , im now struggling to come to terms with it all hurt cos of what hes done , I recently found out he is going with another girl im devasted did I mean that little , why do I feel so hurt I know I couldn't live like that but I tried everything to help him . why do I feel so hurt when I no hes not gonna change ?? im just after some answers to why uno !!
sorry for the long post just needed to get it off my chest
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i am so glad you are HERE now. and i am glad you got out. it sounds pretty awful for you and your kids.
you have a lot of questions - some will be answered in time and some will not. and we have to learn to be ok with that.
take some time and read around our site....especially the section right above this forum - we call them stickies - you might see a little padlock next to the titles.
welcome. you are not alone!
you have a lot of questions - some will be answered in time and some will not. and we have to learn to be ok with that.
take some time and read around our site....especially the section right above this forum - we call them stickies - you might see a little padlock next to the titles.
welcome. you are not alone!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html
Sonya....the above link...clicking on it will take you to the stickies where there are dozens o articles that may help you with what you are going through, right now....
Sonya....the above link...clicking on it will take you to the stickies where there are dozens o articles that may help you with what you are going through, right now....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...find-them.html
The above link shows you where/how to find all the "Stickies".......It is good to familiarize yourself with them, as there is a lot of information in them......
The above link shows you where/how to find all the "Stickies".......It is good to familiarize yourself with them, as there is a lot of information in them......
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Sonya,
Glad you found us and I am sorry he has hurt you. It is very common for addicts to find another enabler to help him facilitate his drinking. I know it hurts but in time the pain will lesson.
I copied a post a while back from a sober alcoholic who posted on f&f. It his so true, so I want to share it with you. We all understand. Hugs!!
We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves. In other words, don't envy her, whoever she is. Pity her. And be grateful your time is at an end.
Glad you found us and I am sorry he has hurt you. It is very common for addicts to find another enabler to help him facilitate his drinking. I know it hurts but in time the pain will lesson.
I copied a post a while back from a sober alcoholic who posted on f&f. It his so true, so I want to share it with you. We all understand. Hugs!!
We alcoholics are rarely, if ever, capable of maintaining our end of healthy relationship while in active addiction. We just don't have the capacity for the honesty and self sacrifice involved to be a part of something greater than ourselves. In other words, don't envy her, whoever she is. Pity her. And be grateful your time is at an end.
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