SaveYourHeart

Thanks everyone, yesterday was our 5 year dating anniversary, which I know isn't that big of a deal, but it would have been nice if he had acknowledged it. I don't want to hurt him, but I fear staying with him if hurting him worse that it will to leave him.

SparkleKitty

SaveYourHeart, you have to take care of yourself first. As does he.

AnvilheadII

never operate from what you THINK the other is thinking or feeling, or going to feel if you do X. sometimes we resist leaving, not because we are worried about how much THEY might be hurt or sad, but by how little and that's hard for us to accept.

you are a separate being. you are responsible for your own happiness and well lived life.

velma929

i once worked with a colleague who opined that somehow, everyone was entitled to unconditional acceptance - in marriage, work, everything.
He was a dry drunk.
You don't have to leave. I stayed with my AH, but he never got better. I kept hoping he'd have some kind of epiphany that never came.

I remember someone posting here years ago, frustrated with the idea that she should leave her alcoholic boyfriend before getting further entwined. Doesn't he deserve to be happy, she asked, even if he's an alcoholic?

My husband was an okay plumber, a great carpenter, a genius computer programmer. One thing he never was, was happy. You know when someone dies, and someone clumsily tells the bereaved, "He's in a better place"? I hope my late husband is, because he was never happy here. My staying with him didn't make any difference at all.

atalose

And what about you? Is staying with him hurting you worse? Causing you hurt and disappointment? Or would you rather those things continue so YOU don’t hurt worse by ending it?