darkling

I'm trying to get into "the habit" of being a regular/member of the community here. It's a work in progress. My excuse has been that my husband is due to be released from prison [within the next 6 weeks now] and I've been very active on a prison-support forum.

I've got a good chunk of sobriety thru AA as well as a chunk of Al-anon.

My AH and I just "observed" our 25th anniversary last month. Wasn't much of a celebration - him being in prison . . .

Things have been going good for us/our relationship and the plan is for him to parole back to our home - with the understanding that if he uses, we're done.

In 25 years, I've never given him an ultimatum because I wasn't sure that I could back it up. I was very, very sure I could back this one up when I made it a couple of years ago . . . But I miss him so much, haven't seen him in a year, TWENTY-FIVE YEARS! - blah blah blah.

There's some drama going on that I won't know the details of until Mon/Tues and it's possible I'm gonna need to enforce my ultimatum before he's even released.

I'm going from knowing I'm going to stay sober and that I'll be ok - to the extreme opposite.
So, I'm gonna hang out here and lurk if nothing else.


darkling

Bekindalways

Lurk away Darkling and soak up all the strength you can.

Keeping to your boundaries can be tough. As you probably know these boundaries are for you.

One day at a time . . . just do the next right thing.

LexieCat

You ARE gonna stay sober, and you ARE gonna be OK. The alternatives are not options--remember that. When we get sober, drinking is OFF the table.

And as for "being OK"--you will be. You might have challenges you did not anticipate or were hoping to avoid, but life is full of them. I'm having part of a lung removed for probable lung cancer tomorrow. Yeah, I've been a bit on edge. Not how I planned to spend my summer, and all of a sudden I've been thinking about a few what-ifs--what if I have to have chemo, too, what if it has spread to my lymph nodes, what if my life is a lot shorter than I'd planned for it to be, yada yada. But the one thing that has NOT crossed my mind as an option is to pick up a drink. And even if all the worst-case scenarios come to pass, I can deal with them, one crisis at a time. I'm not afraid anymore to ask for help/support when I need it.

If you feel shaky at all stay close to your AA peeps. Because as much as you need support for dealing with your relationship, your own sobriety is your number one priority. Without that, it all goes down the tubes.

Hugs!

darkling

Thank you! I do know that I have to be ok which means that I have to stay sober - my 2 purr-balls need me!
They rescued me 3 years ago when they were only 4 weeks old and they've kept me going since. No one else could possibly spoil them the way they need to be spoiled!

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, trying to not play the what-if? game . . . But hey! I'm still just so darned good at it! *sigh*
I should know something tomorrow.

I was really afraid of me and the purr-balls not having a roof - but an AA buddy covered that for us yesterday. The promises just keep surprising me and sober people continue to amaze me.

I love this program! I love being sober!
Yep, even tho it means I have to feel my feelings. It's so worth it.

Thank you all!


darkling

maia1234

D,
No matter what you do, do not threaten anything, if you don't plan on following through. You have had plenty of time to "survive" on you own and you can again. Do not fall back into the toilet and continue swirling with your husband. You got this my friend!!

darkling

Yeah, that's why I've never made any ultimatums/threats before. Never thought I could back it up if he "called my bluff." Problem is, that was 2+ years ago. Not feeling quite as strong right now. We've done alot of work on ourselves and on our relationship since then . . .

It's entirely possible I'll find out Mon/Tues that I'm wrong, that everything's ok, happy, happy and I've made myself sick all weekend for nothing. Man, I hope so! But realistically . . .

Not having much luck with switching channels in my brain this wkend. I've slept most of it. Not very productive, but the cats liked it.

aliciagr

Thanks for sharing Darkling. 25 years of marriage. congrats on that even though the circumstances were not the best. Im sure you do miss him, and I hope things have a good outcome. What you posted below caught my eye:


Make sure you make your own health and sobriety a top priority. Whatever happens, I think you have the power within you to be "ok" !
I lurk a lot too, but please post, and you might even try journaling. I do that a lot and its helped more than I ever thought possible.

darkling

I didn't realize how I wrote that til too late to fix it. The sober part will never be in doubt. Even when - or especially when - things suck, I know the one way I can make things exponentially worse is to drink. No. Not going there, no matter what. I have purr-balls to spoil for goodness sakes!

Sobriety has always been, and will continue to be, The Top Priority.
With that, anything is possible.
Without it, I have nothing.

thank you!