Having to say goodbye

Old 04-27-2017, 07:48 AM
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Having to say goodbye

I think one of the reasons I posted the vent the other day regarding SIL was bc I had suspicions she had found me on here somehow- still don't know how. Now I know the truth.

Dear Lisa;

I don’t know how you found me on here. I only know that you did and that you are sharing every private thought of mine with Charlie. This was supposed to be my safe place. While I realize this is a public forum, I never in a million years would have thought you would find it and then stab me in the back by revealing my special space. I am a people pleaser. I kept all of the bad happening in my marriage inside my own home and didn’t let others know the truth. This was my only place to share things deep in my soul without hurting others. By reading my personal thoughts and then sharing them with Charlie, you have taken more away from me. But you are always seeking out what others do instead of looking at your own faults. I remember when I first started dating Charlie- you were so shocked that you had asked so many people about me and not one person could tell you anything bad about me. You were in shock that I was a good person and nobody had anything bad to say about me. How sick in the head are you that you only try and find out the faults of others? Your only focus is trying to find the bad. I am so opposite. I always try to see the best in others. I overlook faults and hope for the best. That is a large part of why I am in a forum for families of an alcoholic. So have you finally found some dirt on me?? How bad of me to post anonymously to people who have no clue who I am or who you and your brother are. How awful I am sharing intimate details of my marriage to people that I will never speak to or see in person. I had typed up a long email to send to you- but I know it won’t do any good. After I post this- I am done. I will no longer waste my time on what you are Charlie are doing. It is a waste of my time. It is a waste of my emotions. I will no longer allow y’all to get in my head. My kids will know that I loved them enough to get them out of a violent situation. I will educate them about alcohol and let my younger ones know they are at a strong risk of becoming alcoholics themselves. I will do everything in my power to stop the cycle of addiction with them. They will be forever changed by what has been done to them bc of alcohol- but I can only keep them in therapy and hope from this day forward we can heal and move forward with love and healing.
Here is some more good stuff for you to read. I just don’t care anymore about your feelings. I will not keep the ugly inside to spare you bc I AM NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM YOU ARE!!
1. Did you know that the family counselor reported my family to CPS bc of the brutal attack on Abbey?? I took the kids to family therapy again this week and when they described what happened- he was under obligation to report it. So YES- IT IS THAT BAD!! You can try and warp it any way you can. But Charlie is an ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC and now I have to answer to child protective services. Try and sugar coat that one. So now there will be NO CONTACT between Charlie and the kids. This is not me trying to keep him away from the kids bc I am vindictive, or a witch, or a bad person. This is bc HE IS THE BAD PERSON. And so are you!! So you can go around and spread lies to others. I don’t give a crap. I know the truth. YOU know the truth. And HE knows the truth. He admitted he is still drinking. He admitted he has been drinking with you AND that he has drove with you after drinking. Your own dad died in a drunk car crash when you both were the same age as my younger kids. You are both sick. But I already knew that.
2. I don’t know why I am sharing this story- but it just keeps popping up in my mind. I was molested as a child. By someone that was supposed to protect me. When I learned that a child molester moved close to where we lived- I was concerned. I finally told Charlie about what happened as a child. I never said WHO- bc I am dumb and still protecting that person. I have only told 2 people in my whole life. It took guts and courage and complete trust to share this awful secret from my past with Charlie. But anyway- while I was pregnant with Josh- Charlie basically was disgusted by me. You both have warped views on body image and so if someone is chubby- we are disgusting. SO when it took a long time to lose the weight- he basically denied me any intimacy bc I was apparently a big fat pig. So one night- we were in the pool and I was trying to get intimate. I was begging for love and affection. And you know what he said to me?? “GO F_CK THE CHILD MOLESTER NEXT DOOR!” Yes- I shared one of the most horrifying experiences someone could ever go thru and he used it as a way to hurt me to the core. I should have left then. I was an idiot. But I felt I should forgive and try and repair the marriage. Fast forward 8 yrs. And here I am.
SO there you go. You want to read all of these good, gory details of my life. You are sick. You are horrible. You are screwed up. NOT ME!! So go and report this post to him. Keep on looking at the faults of everyone else instead of your own. Keep drinking to hide from your own issues. I will not let you or Charlie screw my kids up anymore.
You have taken away so much from me. This place was supposed to be my safe place. A place to seek comfort and support from others that have gone through what I am going through or dealing with it right now. So I hope you are happy. I hope you go drink that beer tonight with Charlie and hide away from all of the pain and suffering you are causing others.

Soon you will be back in ******** with Rich. You get to “escape” and not have to deal with some of the destruction you have caused. Charlie is a grown man. You didn’t make him do the things he has done. I don’t blame you for his actions. But if you are not part of the solution- you are part of the problem. So just keep on being his drinking buddy. You can’t try and warp any of this to make me look like the bad person here. I am done being nice.

To those of you on this forum- I apologize for this post. I am so sad that I have to leave. I cannot be here anymore bc I know this space has been compromised. I can’t make a new profile bc then I can’t be honest about what I am going thru for fear that my details would be recognized by others. I have received so much support and guidance from the short time I was here. Thank you for being there for me in my time of desperation. I really appreciate it. I do know that I have some misplaced anger towards her. But knowing she found me on here and then shared these details is pretty unforgivable.

Last edited by DesertEyes; 04-27-2017 at 09:10 AM. Reason: Removed identifying information
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:31 AM
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I hope in time you will reconsider this decision and come back to us, but I understand.

I hope that you will maintain some other kind of support for yourself, be it Al-Anon, therapy, Celebrate Recovery, etc.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:38 AM
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Echoing SK's wishes for your continued recovery.

Hoping you find the strength and clarity you need to work through to peace and healing.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:48 AM
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My heart just breaks for you. This should be a safe place for all, how shameful to do this to someone.

Tight hugs. Please get face to face help.
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Old 04-27-2017, 09:39 AM
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Hi, abb. Sorry for what has happened.
That being said, I am pretty sure there are posters to this site who have changed some details of their story for the sake of privacy.
You should probably contact one of the site administrators, Dee, Anna, or DesertEyes, in a private message to make sure, but they might be able to help you create a new profile and have advice to keep it private.
They are good people who give a lot of their time to keeping this site the awesome place that it is, and I hate to see you have to leave.
Just a thought. Good luck and hugs.
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Old 04-27-2017, 10:07 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear they invaded your space. There may be private forums out there - if anyone knows of one hopefully they can PM you....or if you made a good friend on here maybe you can keep in touch via PM. I hope the best for you and that things get better soon!
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:28 AM
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There are some great private facebook groups, and you can always PM a mod here to change you handle. Hang in there - I'm so sorry.
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Old 04-27-2017, 02:35 PM
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I'm so sorry your safe space has been invaded. It's as if she found your diary and gave him a photocopy. What a horrible intrusion and betrayal of trust. I'm shaking in anger.
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Old 04-27-2017, 02:41 PM
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Awful as it is you can come back with a different name cos I did when the same happened to me. Or carry on. If she is still reading, let her. I wish I'd kept my former username here now and let my exah carry on reading. (( huge hugs ))
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Old 04-28-2017, 07:20 AM
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I am sorry your rotten sister in law chose to make things even harder for you. What wretched thing for someone to do to someone else.

I understand you don't feel safe enough to post anymore, but there is still a lot of support to be found. Please don't stop at least READING the posts here. There is still so much valuable information to learn. At any given time there are several people at exactly the same point we are whether it be newcomer in pain or old-timer with wisdom to share... getting and giving advice that will apply to what ever you are going through.

Hang in there abbcc. Don't go too far away....

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Old 04-28-2017, 08:48 AM
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That sucks. Empathy and compassion and support to you. Stay safe- be well. Pj
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Old 04-28-2017, 09:42 AM
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Eff them and stick around. They BOTH sound like Narcissistic AssHats. I was going to say DEFINITELY the SIL is a Narcissist. But after reading some of those things your AH did and said to you, he sounds like one too. I am telling you, the BEST thing you can do with toxic N's is go NO CONTACT. I know that would be hard with your AH bc of the children, but at least do so with the N SIL. My sister is an N and I went ZERO CONTACT with her and my life is SO much better without her drama-infested, toxic, greedy, and manipulative selfish AssHattness.
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Old 04-28-2017, 11:53 AM
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You can always pm us abbcc . . .and keep reading.

Could anyone post a link for help for Narcissistic Alcoholics just in case the Sil is reading this ? Is there help for Narcissistic Alcoholics?
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Old 04-28-2017, 12:20 PM
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I think narcissistic alcoholics are the LAST ones who would be looking for help. Sort of goes with the territory.
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Old 04-28-2017, 12:32 PM
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I'm so sorry abbccj03. Hang in there. Sending strength & hugs your way.
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Old 04-28-2017, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
I think narcissistic alcoholics are the LAST ones who would be looking for help. Sort of goes with the territory.
Sigh . . . that is kinda what I thought.
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Old 04-28-2017, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
I think narcissistic alcoholics are the LAST ones who would be looking for help. Sort of goes with the territory.
but prolly know a jillion people that do need help
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Old 04-28-2017, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Is there help for Narcissistic Alcoholics?
Short answer is NO. I have never read that it is possible because they do not see themselves at fault for anything.
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