jessieandme2003

Hello all.

Things are going well for Jessie and me, we are living quite happily since separating and filing for divorce from my AH 5 months ago.

Had a good week of progress...
- the lawyer tells me the final papers should be ready for us to sign this week
- my ex called to pick up the last of the things he asked me to keep a while, and he picked them up yesterday
- i got a letter from the post office showing he finally submitted a change of address

Things are finally progressing towards closure! He was living with a new girl and her two sons within a few weeks of choosing to leave home rather than stay sober, and now she is pregnant. I have every reason to believe that his feeling secure there now ensures me he will finally let go of me. (We had tried this all last year but he wouldn't let go, went a little crazy, and promised sobriety to not lose me. That didn't last, we split again, but I was afraid we'd go through that cycle again.)

So just as I am feeling good about the progress and nearing closure, I am telling his Mom the progress (we've chosen to stay very close as she's certainly as hurt by him as anyone.) and she says "So, do you feel sad about it?"

Now why did she say that? We never talk like that. She said it all soft too, gentle like. We always talk very firmly about getting this guy to stop harassing me, to let go of me, good riddance, and such.

It bothered me. Made me uncomfortable. Guilty. Like a loser. Made me note the part I do hate of all this - failing at a marriage. It may have been only 2 years, but it was a nearly 6 year relationship. I hate those feelings of how I couldn't figure out a way to fix it or be happy in it.

Darn.

Who'd have thought something that innocent, a person trying to be sure I was emotionally ok, would set me back into my failure feelings?

But I was able to simply say "....Nope." It was true, I wasn't feeling sad.

Until a few minutes after hanging up that phone and dwelling on what she asked!

So... today I am taking Jessie pumpkin picking and focusing on me and her and being happy and celebrating one important thing:
I was told here at the start of my journey of recovery to "picture your life the way you want it and take steps towards it everyday." Today, at that pumpkin patch, is going to be just what I pictured. :-)

Gabe

Hey Spunky,
It's okay to feel sad about the end of a relationship, even if that ending is for the best. We have to grieve before we move on. Don't look at it as failure. Look at it as a lesson learned. Then take that lesson and move onto the next good thing. Sounds like that is just what you're doing. Good for you.
I'm glad your picture is coming to life.
Have a great day at the pumpkin patch.
Hugs,
Gabe

Ann

I agree that part of moving forward is finishing the grief process and that can include sadness for what might have been and wasn't. It's called closure, and as you finish the final arrangements, closure is a natural thing right now.

Keeping happy with Jesse and staying focused on all the good things in your life will help you move ahead to wonderful new beginnings.

Your ex-MIL sounds like a very wise lady.

Hugs
Ann