Abusive AH
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
anvil... you are so funny!!!! Yea, Gone with the Wind!!!
Ct,
Glad you got the attorney appointments. Make a list of all your questions and go in prepared. You can ask around here if you don't know what you "need to know". Every step of the way, the ladies and men on this forum will help you.
The business was only in his name but the checking accounts were in both. I ran the books so I knew what was going on, as I am sure you do too. We just split everything evenly, except his drug money that he denied having. I wanted 1/2 of that also, but lost out. oh well, I tried.
Do everything discreetly, as long as possible. You don't want him to start wondering whats up and start questioning you. Anything important make copies or get the originals. Mortgage papers if you own property together. Titles on cars, insurance info so you have policy numbers. You just have no idea what he will do when he realizes that you plan on divorcing him. It will be "you are not getting anything, blah, blah blah". I am sure you have heard it before.
Let us know how you are doing. We are all here for you!!
Ct,
Glad you got the attorney appointments. Make a list of all your questions and go in prepared. You can ask around here if you don't know what you "need to know". Every step of the way, the ladies and men on this forum will help you.
The business was only in his name but the checking accounts were in both. I ran the books so I knew what was going on, as I am sure you do too. We just split everything evenly, except his drug money that he denied having. I wanted 1/2 of that also, but lost out. oh well, I tried.
Do everything discreetly, as long as possible. You don't want him to start wondering whats up and start questioning you. Anything important make copies or get the originals. Mortgage papers if you own property together. Titles on cars, insurance info so you have policy numbers. You just have no idea what he will do when he realizes that you plan on divorcing him. It will be "you are not getting anything, blah, blah blah". I am sure you have heard it before.
Let us know how you are doing. We are all here for you!!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ok, technically the running time for GWTW is 238 minutes, but that includes the overture, intermission, Entr'acte and exit music. but then you have to consider travel time, seat selection, return commute so yeah, still five hours!!!!
just happens to be my all time FAVE movie....followed by The King and I and Cat Ballou. lol
just happens to be my all time FAVE movie....followed by The King and I and Cat Ballou. lol
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Seren 
Hello CT, Welcome to this side of the boards!
I second what Lexie said. What you may want to do is open your own checking account at a bank that is *not* the one you currently use. Make photocopies of important papers--tax returns, business papers, bank statements-- as well as your original birth certificate and passport, and keep them in a safe deposit box at the new bank that he does not know about or have access to. Then start squirreling away money to that account.
Is there anyplace you can go when he starts raging? Any place where you can get some sleep at night?
I second what Lexie said. What you may want to do is open your own checking account at a bank that is *not* the one you currently use. Make photocopies of important papers--tax returns, business papers, bank statements-- as well as your original birth certificate and passport, and keep them in a safe deposit box at the new bank that he does not know about or have access to. Then start squirreling away money to that account.
Is there anyplace you can go when he starts raging? Any place where you can get some sleep at night?
As for a place to go...if need be, I will go to a hotel. We live in an urban area, there's no problem there. Additionally, AH knows that if he's drunk, HE is the one who will find a place to stay.
He has not "raged" since Sunday, when we argued over his passport....and he hasn't been drinking. It's been pretty quiet around here. If he's not drinking, or angry over something...he's pretty much "normal". Otherwise, he's a real PITA and as I mentioned in pervious posts, verbally abusive.
Today we had a long conversation about me fighting for my sobriety and how he is contributing to my struggles. We talked about him moving out for 6 months, so that I can feel safe and not be triggered by him continuously.
Surprisingly enough, he listened (instead of speaking over me) and "said" that he understood and he is willing to consider a separation if it will help me avoid another relapse. He also said that he is serious again....not going to drink. :::sigh::: Without sounding like I was telling him what to do in regards to his drinking, or deciding to stop again...I tried to explain that it's not just about not drinking...it's about "working" at changing the way he lives is life and working a program... Then I told him that our counselor is the one he should be utilizing for which course of action will work best for him. Needless to say, this was "the good side" that shows up, when he knows that the s*** is hitting the fan.
We decided to think about him leaving and we plan to speak with our counselor about it at our session next week. The fact that he's willing to even consider moving out (without a fight) was reassuring.
In the meantime, I am still meeting with attorneys this week and get a perspective on legal matters, options, check-list preparations...as well as setting up a bank account, get paperwork in order and any other steps the attorneys suggest.
Whew...what a day!
Thanks so much Seren!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Hi CT and a belated welcome.
It sounds like you are working hard on a plan. Plans are highly recommended around here so good on ya!!
Let us know how it goes.
It sounds like you are working hard on a plan. Plans are highly recommended around here so good on ya!!
Let us know how it goes.
!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
It will be a little tricky coming up with an excuse for being out for a long period of time
ummmmm, why?
when all else fails and if you feel the need to lie/deflect/cover up, tell him it's a special presentation of Gone With The Wind. then you're covered for a good FIVE hours! lol
ummmmm, why?
when all else fails and if you feel the need to lie/deflect/cover up, tell him it's a special presentation of Gone With The Wind. then you're covered for a good FIVE hours! lol
Tricky because we run the business out of our home...he's always here. It's not such a huge deal that I'm out, I'm running errands all the time...but these meetings could take some time.
It's not a big deal...I will figure out... No doubt the least of my worries at this juncture
!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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If you're going for a free initial consult, it probably won't last over 20 minutes or so--any longer, and you can expect to pay for the attorney's time. Not to say it wouldn't be money well-spent, just that most lawyers can only afford to give away a short period of time.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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I'm really impressed by what you're accomplishing. It sounds like you've got a realistic assessment of your husband (occasional good intentions but no follow-through). Planning for life on your own makes a great deal of sense right now.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
If you're going for a free initial consult, it probably won't last over 20 minutes or so--any longer, and you can expect to pay for the attorney's time. Not to say it wouldn't be money well-spent, just that most lawyers can only afford to give away a short period of time.
My biggest concern is with the business account and my lack of access. If AH suspects that I am still considering divorce, he could easily transfer funds to his home country. From what I understand, that could make things very difficult for me.
AH overheard a phone call that came into my cell on Monday. The woman on the other end of the line introduced herself from xxx from attorneys office. Needless to say, I had some damage control to do because I knew he heard everything. Yesterday I told him that I had contacted an attorney to see if I could have him removed from the home...him flipping out like he did on Sunday scared me, as his actions were threatening my sobriety. Then I told him that the attorney advised me that I didn't have the right to remove him without any proof of any form of abuse. He seemed to buy it so...I think that any fear he may have had of me moving forward with a divorce as been removed. Let's hope so...just need to get through the meetings tomorrow without throwing up any red flags.
Wish me luck
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972
It sounds like you've got a realistic assessment of your husband (occasional good intentions but no follow-through).
Thanks for your support!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
The fact that he's willing to even consider moving out (without a fight) was reassuring.
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Originally Posted by firebolt
Careful here, it sounds like you have your bases covered. I could bet this had something to do with hearing you on the phone with the attorney, and like you said above, he's making nice cause he's feeling the $h!t hit the fan. In my experience, that doesn't last. Take care of yourself and good luck with your consults!!
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