Struggling with the "disease concept" of alcoholism
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Along w/what Anvilhead said--I quit smoking cigarettes for good shortly after XAH and I got married (had quit in the past, sometimes for a year or more, but always started back again). Many years after I'd quit, probably in the range of 8 or 10, I was cleaning out my closet, getting rid of clothes I didn't wear. I was checking the pockets of a coat and found a pack of cigs. First thought that flashed in my head? "I could smoke these and no one would ever know!"
Now, I never considered myself particularly addicted to smoking, didn't have a terribly hard time quitting any of the times I'd quit, just always came into a situation where I thought oh, who cares? and started again. All it took for me to quit for real was some concerted effort and persistence plus some distraction and mind games w/myself, NOT the move-heaven-and-earth upheaval that an alcoholic undergoes when quitting. But yet, what was the first thought into my noggin when the opportunity to smoke (an ancient, crusty, disgusting pack of) cigs arose again?
Again, like Anvil said, the whole thing was fleeting, but boy, it kind of freaked me out...I guess I find it amazing that ANYONE ever gets sober and stays that way, you know?
Now, I never considered myself particularly addicted to smoking, didn't have a terribly hard time quitting any of the times I'd quit, just always came into a situation where I thought oh, who cares? and started again. All it took for me to quit for real was some concerted effort and persistence plus some distraction and mind games w/myself, NOT the move-heaven-and-earth upheaval that an alcoholic undergoes when quitting. But yet, what was the first thought into my noggin when the opportunity to smoke (an ancient, crusty, disgusting pack of) cigs arose again?
Again, like Anvil said, the whole thing was fleeting, but boy, it kind of freaked me out...I guess I find it amazing that ANYONE ever gets sober and stays that way, you know?
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by honeypig 
Along w/what Anvilhead said--I quit smoking cigarettes for good shortly after XAH and I got married (had quit in the past, sometimes for a year or more, but always started back again). Many years after I'd quit, probably in the range of 8 or 10, I was cleaning out my closet, getting rid of clothes I didn't wear. I was checking the pockets of a coat and found a pack of cigs. First thought that flashed in my head? "I could smoke these and no one would ever know!"
Now, I never considered myself particularly addicted to smoking, didn't have a terribly hard time quitting any of the times I'd quit, just always came into a situation where I thought oh, who cares? and started again. All it took for me to quit for real was some concerted effort and persistence plus some distraction and mind games w/myself, NOT the move-heaven-and-earth upheaval that an alcoholic undergoes when quitting. But yet, what was the first thought into my noggin when the opportunity to smoke (an ancient, crusty, disgusting pack of) cigs arose again?
Again, like Anvil said, the whole thing was fleeting, but boy, it kind of freaked me out...I guess I find it amazing that ANYONE ever gets sober and stays that way, you know?
Now, I never considered myself particularly addicted to smoking, didn't have a terribly hard time quitting any of the times I'd quit, just always came into a situation where I thought oh, who cares? and started again. All it took for me to quit for real was some concerted effort and persistence plus some distraction and mind games w/myself, NOT the move-heaven-and-earth upheaval that an alcoholic undergoes when quitting. But yet, what was the first thought into my noggin when the opportunity to smoke (an ancient, crusty, disgusting pack of) cigs arose again?
Again, like Anvil said, the whole thing was fleeting, but boy, it kind of freaked me out...I guess I find it amazing that ANYONE ever gets sober and stays that way, you know?
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Hi Aliciagr, thank you for your reply. I'm so pleased for you and your husband, that he's making progress. AVRT 100% endorses any medical, psychological or psychiatric treatment that an addicted person may require in order to deal with any conditions and issues, once the drug or alcohol is stopped. Alcohol and drug addiction may mask other conditions and they will arise once the drug is removed. There is no distinction between alcohol or drugs, I believe the brain reacts in similar fashions to both.
I'd expand upon the technique now, but as your husband is making steady progress and receiving professional guidance, I certainly wouldn't want to rock the boat. If this current positive position should alter, then please PM me and I could provide you with my experience and you could run it past your husband's professional advisors. But hopefully, you've turned a corner.
Yes, absolutely, the brain is resilient and almost self-correcting. As your husband continues to abstain from his drug, his neural circuits will re-route and the cravings will lessen and even if they do arise, he'll be in a strong position to resist. Hugs to you both, I think it's wonderful how this part of SR is filled with folks trying to help their loved ones.
I'd expand upon the technique now, but as your husband is making steady progress and receiving professional guidance, I certainly wouldn't want to rock the boat. If this current positive position should alter, then please PM me and I could provide you with my experience and you could run it past your husband's professional advisors. But hopefully, you've turned a corner.
Yes, absolutely, the brain is resilient and almost self-correcting. As your husband continues to abstain from his drug, his neural circuits will re-route and the cravings will lessen and even if they do arise, he'll be in a strong position to resist. Hugs to you both, I think it's wonderful how this part of SR is filled with folks trying to help their loved ones.
I feel like everyone wants to reach the same goal when recovering, but one thing I see as a similarity with therapy and what you described with your recovery is that both are seem to shift power internally to the individual. Even in the therapy that Ive been doing to deal with my emotions and coping skills..its a temporary educational endeavor as I see it. I will gain the skills I need and always have them to fall back on,. Reliance will be on myself. (It can be a little therapeutic too as I can whine as much as I want and know its ok since Im paying the therapist to listen to me.
)
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
Thanks again, everyone. These posts have helped me with my own dilemmas.
One thing that complicates it for me is that I have a sibling who has some cognitive deficits (possibly FASD from birth mom [sib is adopted], but no one knows for sure). These deficits aren't immediately visible - you have to know him for a while before it becomes clear that there's something not working . My sibling does lots of things which are obviously bad ideas with disastrous consequences.
I used to get angry with him a lot for being selfish and making bad choices until I finally figured out that he is literally not able to make better choices because his brain doesn't work the way most people's brains do. There's no point in getting upset with him because he has no control over his own deficits.
I was trying to apply this to ex as well - he can't make better choices or behave more sanely because he has a disease and he has no control over the deficits the disease creates, so being angry with him is pointless.
But it seems that it's not the same - he could maybe get his disease under control, whether through 12-Step or Smart Recovery or whatever might work for him, but he's prioritized the disease over everything else, including his own self-respect. So I can be angry because for the last however many years, nothing has been as important to him as drinking and denying (except possibly his child, but I'm not even entirely sure about that).
I hope that makes some sense!
One thing that complicates it for me is that I have a sibling who has some cognitive deficits (possibly FASD from birth mom [sib is adopted], but no one knows for sure). These deficits aren't immediately visible - you have to know him for a while before it becomes clear that there's something not working . My sibling does lots of things which are obviously bad ideas with disastrous consequences.
I used to get angry with him a lot for being selfish and making bad choices until I finally figured out that he is literally not able to make better choices because his brain doesn't work the way most people's brains do. There's no point in getting upset with him because he has no control over his own deficits.
I was trying to apply this to ex as well - he can't make better choices or behave more sanely because he has a disease and he has no control over the deficits the disease creates, so being angry with him is pointless.
But it seems that it's not the same - he could maybe get his disease under control, whether through 12-Step or Smart Recovery or whatever might work for him, but he's prioritized the disease over everything else, including his own self-respect. So I can be angry because for the last however many years, nothing has been as important to him as drinking and denying (except possibly his child, but I'm not even entirely sure about that).
I hope that makes some sense!
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