Lossing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
Lossing
Good night.
I'm so missing and I can't stop it..
3yrs ago I met the most charismatic, interesting, beautiful woman I have ever met. We fell madly in love. At first I didn't notice much and later on as I did I ignored it. Which after read some of the pos,t is the norm.. We dated. Went out as a couple drank and had amazing drunk sex. We moved in together. Which by that time I had reservation, but played the love card in my mind.. After moving in 3mths go by and out of the blue after a couple of drinks she goes into a rage. What ensues is ugly, her words from someone who says they love me is disarming and demeaning. She apologies and we move on. This would become the norm in our relationship every 3wks or so. Each time become more intense, more vicious and nasty. Over the yrs she has belittled, embarrassed and shamed me. Flash back....She stopped drinking for 10 mths when she was pregnant with our son. And our relationship was beautiful. Maybe 2 arguments. None significant. (Which is what I refer to when she drinks and we argue).
I love her and always will. I am far beyond perfect. In the beginning I would always bring a bottle of wine. and a couple of mths after our son was born I would drink with her, saying ok well we will just have one or two. But she couldn't stop at one or two. I haven't been a big drinker so being supportive I stopped drinking.. And she went to a group, which i did everything i could to support here recovery. She drank straight thru thr group, 6mths. I've talked, cried, begged, yelled, left, come backand have left again. And non of it has worked. I haven't always been the pillar to my community. But when we met I was tired of making the same mistakes over and over. Our relationship, our life is all I wanted and needed. But her drinking has turned my shangrala into hell. I've held tight even when not in our home to our son. I'm afraid my greatest fear fill come true. That my son is caught in her rage or in her drunken death sleep he will hurt himself.. My past restraints me from taking my son with me. also we have several investments together and in the past in her rages have made poor decision that have almost lead us to financial ruin. In every aspect I LOSS. My son losses, financially I loss. And I loss my soul mate. But feel no sorrow for me. Im moving out again and I know that this is what's best for me. Abuse in any form, mental, emotional, financial, isn't pretty... My worry, my love, and my stress is leaving my son with her.. Can anyone help me. Please
I'm so missing and I can't stop it..
3yrs ago I met the most charismatic, interesting, beautiful woman I have ever met. We fell madly in love. At first I didn't notice much and later on as I did I ignored it. Which after read some of the pos,t is the norm.. We dated. Went out as a couple drank and had amazing drunk sex. We moved in together. Which by that time I had reservation, but played the love card in my mind.. After moving in 3mths go by and out of the blue after a couple of drinks she goes into a rage. What ensues is ugly, her words from someone who says they love me is disarming and demeaning. She apologies and we move on. This would become the norm in our relationship every 3wks or so. Each time become more intense, more vicious and nasty. Over the yrs she has belittled, embarrassed and shamed me. Flash back....She stopped drinking for 10 mths when she was pregnant with our son. And our relationship was beautiful. Maybe 2 arguments. None significant. (Which is what I refer to when she drinks and we argue).
I love her and always will. I am far beyond perfect. In the beginning I would always bring a bottle of wine. and a couple of mths after our son was born I would drink with her, saying ok well we will just have one or two. But she couldn't stop at one or two. I haven't been a big drinker so being supportive I stopped drinking.. And she went to a group, which i did everything i could to support here recovery. She drank straight thru thr group, 6mths. I've talked, cried, begged, yelled, left, come backand have left again. And non of it has worked. I haven't always been the pillar to my community. But when we met I was tired of making the same mistakes over and over. Our relationship, our life is all I wanted and needed. But her drinking has turned my shangrala into hell. I've held tight even when not in our home to our son. I'm afraid my greatest fear fill come true. That my son is caught in her rage or in her drunken death sleep he will hurt himself.. My past restraints me from taking my son with me. also we have several investments together and in the past in her rages have made poor decision that have almost lead us to financial ruin. In every aspect I LOSS. My son losses, financially I loss. And I loss my soul mate. But feel no sorrow for me. Im moving out again and I know that this is what's best for me. Abuse in any form, mental, emotional, financial, isn't pretty... My worry, my love, and my stress is leaving my son with her.. Can anyone help me. Please
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear Don
If you read some of the other posts on these pages, you will see that yours is a common problem. Now is NOT the time to give up hope. You have reached out for help, and that is the beginning.
Depending on where you live, there may be legal help for you to rectify this problem and provide a safe home for you and your son.
If you read some of the other posts on these pages, you will see that yours is a common problem. Now is NOT the time to give up hope. You have reached out for help, and that is the beginning.
Depending on where you live, there may be legal help for you to rectify this problem and provide a safe home for you and your son.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by FreedomCA 
If you must leave your son with her, practice acceptance and let go and let God.
I myself am not sure what the appropriate agency to contact would be, but there are others here who WILL know. Please read your replies to this thread and then act on the recommendations.
Bear in mind that your wife/GF is an adult and is responsible for herself and her decisions, no matter how poor they may be. And again, your son is A CHILD, and has no say and no defense. Please take steps to protect him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
I'm not sure what country you're in but is there a child protection agency you could contact to intervene so at least your son is in a safe space? Do you have a family member that cN help? I'm sorry that you are unable to take him.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I agree to not leave your son in the hands of a raging drunk.....
See a lawyer! Talk to two or three of them before you select one.....
As honeypig says...that is a common problem that many on this forum have faced...
Keep posting, here, as that will attract others who have had your same experience to share their experience and info. with you......
See a lawyer! Talk to two or three of them before you select one.....
As honeypig says...that is a common problem that many on this forum have faced...
Keep posting, here, as that will attract others who have had your same experience to share their experience and info. with you......
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
When you say your "past restrains you" from taking your son, what do you mean? Do you mean it emotionally restrains you (not wanting to take a child from his mother) or is there some kind of legal restraint that prevents you (e.g., a probation condition)?
Either way, you can't simply leave the child in the hands of a raging, irresponsible drunk. If there is some reason you truly can't take care of the child, please call child protective services. They won't necessarily take the child away immediately, but they can open an investigation and provide services and monitoring. If your partner refuses all help, then yes, there's a chance she will lose the child, but the child will be placed in a safer setting.
ETA: You are legally responsible for continuing to provide financial support no matter what you decide.
Either way, you can't simply leave the child in the hands of a raging, irresponsible drunk. If there is some reason you truly can't take care of the child, please call child protective services. They won't necessarily take the child away immediately, but they can open an investigation and provide services and monitoring. If your partner refuses all help, then yes, there's a chance she will lose the child, but the child will be placed in a safer setting.
ETA: You are legally responsible for continuing to provide financial support no matter what you decide.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Don,
Welcome and I am sorry for the pain your SO has caused you, it hurts. I agree with the posters that say do not leave the child in the hands of an addict. Addicts cause much pain for their loved ones. Go on th the forum of adult children of alcoholics. Read the pain that these kids lived with, you would never want your child to go through that. You are the only hope this child has to wind up "healthy".
Please try and hit an alanon meeting. There is nothing you can do for her, but if you want to do the work, a lot of help for you. Education is power. Keep posting, asking questions. There are a lot of people who have walked in your shoes before you. There is always a way!! Hang in there!!
Welcome and I am sorry for the pain your SO has caused you, it hurts. I agree with the posters that say do not leave the child in the hands of an addict. Addicts cause much pain for their loved ones. Go on th the forum of adult children of alcoholics. Read the pain that these kids lived with, you would never want your child to go through that. You are the only hope this child has to wind up "healthy".
Please try and hit an alanon meeting. There is nothing you can do for her, but if you want to do the work, a lot of help for you. Education is power. Keep posting, asking questions. There are a lot of people who have walked in your shoes before you. There is always a way!! Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
As a child who was raised in an abusive household, I beg you not to leave your son with an emotionally unstable, raging alcoholic.
My sister turned to drugs. I was fortunate enough to be saddled only with depression and suicide ideation from time to time.
I don't know if your past constraints are actual barriers when it comes to gaining custody of your son, or if these constraints are actually the products of the warped thinking that happens when you live in an household in the throes of addiction.
When I was a child, I didn't have the power to pick up and leave, and I longed for a rescuer to save me. You have the power to rescue you and your son. Don't let your pride get in the way.
My sister turned to drugs. I was fortunate enough to be saddled only with depression and suicide ideation from time to time.
I don't know if your past constraints are actual barriers when it comes to gaining custody of your son, or if these constraints are actually the products of the warped thinking that happens when you live in an household in the throes of addiction.
When I was a child, I didn't have the power to pick up and leave, and I longed for a rescuer to save me. You have the power to rescue you and your son. Don't let your pride get in the way.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
