Lossing
Good night.
I'm so missing and I can't stop it..
3yrs ago I met the most charismatic, interesting, beautiful woman I have ever met. We fell madly in love. At first I didn't notice much and later on as I did I ignored it. Which after read some of the pos,t is the norm.. We dated. Went out as a couple drank and had amazing drunk sex. We moved in together. Which by that time I had reservation, but played the love card in my mind.. After moving in 3mths go by and out of the blue after a couple of drinks she goes into a rage. What ensues is ugly, her words from someone who says they love me is disarming and demeaning. She apologies and we move on. This would become the norm in our relationship every 3wks or so. Each time become more intense, more vicious and nasty. Over the yrs she has belittled, embarrassed and shamed me. Flash back....She stopped drinking for 10 mths when she was pregnant with our son. And our relationship was beautiful. Maybe 2 arguments. None significant. (Which is what I refer to when she drinks and we argue).
I love her and always will. I am far beyond perfect. In the beginning I would always bring a bottle of wine. and a couple of mths after our son was born I would drink with her, saying ok well we will just have one or two. But she couldn't stop at one or two. I haven't been a big drinker so being supportive I stopped drinking.. And she went to a group, which i did everything i could to support here recovery. She drank straight thru thr group, 6mths. I've talked, cried, begged, yelled, left, come backand have left again. And non of it has worked. I haven't always been the pillar to my community. But when we met I was tired of making the same mistakes over and over. Our relationship, our life is all I wanted and needed. But her drinking has turned my shangrala into hell. I've held tight even when not in our home to our son. I'm afraid my greatest fear fill come true. That my son is caught in her rage or in her drunken death sleep he will hurt himself.. My past restraints me from taking my son with me. also we have several investments together and in the past in her rages have made poor decision that have almost lead us to financial ruin. In every aspect I LOSS. My son losses, financially I loss. And I loss my soul mate. But feel no sorrow for me. Im moving out again and I know that this is what's best for me. Abuse in any form, mental, emotional, financial, isn't pretty... My worry, my love, and my stress is leaving my son with her.. Can anyone help me. Please