My friend
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Hehe, thank you! It is good to know that somebody is holding up the mirror for me and checking. At the moment I must say I am doing much better than in a long time. I felt like there were some bad vibes between me and him and I cannot stand that (generally speaking, I need peace around me, with everybody). I felt like there was bubbling something under the surface but since we had some easy going conversation and joking around, this bad feeling has gone and I feel pretty good about it now. I managed to stop that little wheel turning inside my head. I do not plan to switch it on again 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Littel update!
First of all I want to apologize that I am only in my own thread active but I read a lot and learn a lot on the whole board and from all the active members.
I am good (actually a bit shaken by some major personal changes coming up) and my friend is doing good too. He broke his own personal record of staying clean in over 20 years, the longest time he ever managed (and don't worry, I do not count, he told me so and he was not even sure on what day exactly he is now and I think that's a good sign).
He is less moody and it seems to me that also psychologically he is doing much better. We actually had some time to talk and some things surfaced that I think he should have gotten professional help already a long time ago. I decided though to not say anything about it. I know that he was an in-patient a couple of times and tried therapy.
Anyway, as it seems he is doing so well in his new found sobriety that he has no intention to get back drinking. Fingers crossed that he can keep it up.
I am glad that I mainly could let go and chill it over the whole situation. I am much calmer now and the last couple of weeks we had a really good time together, mainly meeting in our work-like situation and still having a bit of private time to spend together.
First of all I want to apologize that I am only in my own thread active but I read a lot and learn a lot on the whole board and from all the active members.
I am good (actually a bit shaken by some major personal changes coming up) and my friend is doing good too. He broke his own personal record of staying clean in over 20 years, the longest time he ever managed (and don't worry, I do not count, he told me so and he was not even sure on what day exactly he is now and I think that's a good sign).
He is less moody and it seems to me that also psychologically he is doing much better. We actually had some time to talk and some things surfaced that I think he should have gotten professional help already a long time ago. I decided though to not say anything about it. I know that he was an in-patient a couple of times and tried therapy.
Anyway, as it seems he is doing so well in his new found sobriety that he has no intention to get back drinking. Fingers crossed that he can keep it up.
I am glad that I mainly could let go and chill it over the whole situation. I am much calmer now and the last couple of weeks we had a really good time together, mainly meeting in our work-like situation and still having a bit of private time to spend together.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,671
GOOD BFT. Addiction is a secretive and dangerous adversary to the recovering person. Little voices that take note of something that might become useful later on- just in case I relapse and need insurance. Remember to keep your boundaries. Many get clean, sober for a while and think the world is great, normal. Then they do they nasty. Try not to gey too personally involved in the journey. Sage advice for ANY in recovery- no matter if it is drugs, sex, gambling - suicide...do not get involved in intimate relationships with others until I have come to terms with my own sh&t. Otherwise is am just involving another person in my thoughts and that can set up dependency- which is what addiction is.
Stay safe and good for you. Support offered. PJ (:-)> (beard)
Stay safe and good for you. Support offered. PJ (:-)> (beard)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Thank you PhoenixJ! He is exactly following your advice. We had a couple of serious conversation in which a lot of things surfaced. He caused a lot of (emotional) harm to other people by being selfish and just trying to fill the void in his own life. I would have been his next "victim". Then many things happened (my guardian angel or the stars in my favour, who knows?) and it never came thus far.
I feel that from his side there is still more. Sometimes I get a glimpse of it but he knows his monsters and backs off. He is keeping the distance HE needs to keep. With any "normal" person this would be very weird but since I did all the reading here, I learnt that he is just avoiding to cause other harm until he gots his own sh#$t together, as you said so nicely :-)
I feel that from his side there is still more. Sometimes I get a glimpse of it but he knows his monsters and backs off. He is keeping the distance HE needs to keep. With any "normal" person this would be very weird but since I did all the reading here, I learnt that he is just avoiding to cause other harm until he gots his own sh#$t together, as you said so nicely :-)
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,671
It is a hard one BFT. We are social animals. I have kind of set up my own trekkie shields dealing with others. Part is it is also not isolating myself from my own feelings. Take care of you.
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