Onefortheditch

Hello everyone
Firstly this forum has been a source of support just reading.
I am with an alcoholic. He is 36. His dad dropped dead of it at 48. He is heading the same way.
He has children who come second. I come second. My kids come second
Actually we come past second.
First is beer
Then the pub
Then mates
Then coke (won't admit that but I know coke jaw when I see it)
Then this weeks addiction. Today is a new fast car he can drive whilst dui.
Even though the urge to drink prevents him working long enough to earn any money to buy it. I'm done. He's pathetic. He actually disgusts me.
People are making me feel guilty and he is trying all sorts of attention seeking behaviour when all I want him to do is chuff off.
Am I harsh

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome.

Not a bit harsh. We all know how it feels.

If you've read around the forum at all, you know there's very little you can do to change HIM. What are you doing for yourself and your kids while all this alcohol/drug-fueled drama is going on? Have you been to Al-Anon? How old are your kids?

Glad you're here.

Onefortheditch

I'm glad I'm here too. I wish I had joined earlier.
He has ruined every feeling I had for him. It's like dealing with a weak pathetic child. We don't have children together. Mine are old enough to stay out the way. His only want to see him when I'm here.
I could help if he wants help but no, everything is everyone else's fault. He is totally blameless apparently.
Just a night without arguing would be a treat. He's ruined my life.
Al-anon meeting next Wednesday. I don't want to be with him anymore but I have issues of my own to deal with ��

NewRomanMan

It's hard to live in the vortex of someone else's addiction. Do whatever it is you need to do for you. If that means leaving, so be it. Whatever you decide, we're all here for you.
Wishing you well.

LexieCat

Great that you're planning on going to Al-Anon. You will meet a whole lot of nice people who have been where you are. You'll get some great tools that will help you get focused on what you want for your life--just turning down the NOISE will help clear your head so you can make some good choices for your future.

And not to minimize what you've been through, he hasn't "ruined" your life. You still have a life. You can reclaim it and make it better than before. Seriously. Lots and lots of us have.

And even if your kids stay "out of the way," it's got to be harming them to have to live with all this chaos. Making good choices going forward can make their lives a whole lot better, too.

Onefortheditch

An hour ago he went "to the shop".
The shop is one minute away.
I ask him to just tell me if he's going for a drink but he won't. This is a daily occurrence

LexieCat

Well, does it really help for you to know? Most alcoholics don't announce their intention to drink (unless they want to make sure you know and that it's your fault they are, lol).

I think it's pretty safe to assume that he is, don't you?

Onefortheditch

He's been drinking since 10.30am today. That's still not enough. He has to sneak off to the pub aswell...

LexieCat

Are you married? Or just in a relationship? What's the reason you feel you can't leave?

Onefortheditch

He lives with me in my house. If I could leave I'd have gone but getting him out isn't easy. I've known him for years and he does need help but he won't admit it.
I'm most likely going to have to involve the police to get him out.

Smarie78

I have had to involve police to get my Abf out of the house when he was drunk and wouldn't leave. I never EVER thought I'd go that far but when someone pushes you far enough, you have no choice. If he doesn't admit he has issues there is nothing you can do. I am with an admitted alcoholic who KNOWS and ADMITS he needs help, and even then there is nothing I can do. It's all on them.

LexieCat

You might want to talk with a lawyer who specializes in landlord-tenant issues. I'm assuming you're not in the US--here the law varies from one state to another what is required to have someone removed. In some places you have to go through the same kinds of eviction proceedings as with an actual formal landlord-tenant relationship. Whose name is the lease/deed in? Yours alone? That should make it a bit easier--legally, anyway.

FeelingGreat

Hi OFTD, from the way you're writing about him there seems like no good reason why you can't ask him to leave. Is he paying his own way or are you also supporting him financially.
I second Lexie's suggestion that you find out where you stand legally on getting him out of the house.