The pain and depression is getting worse. Help!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by HURTINGDINA 
I cried with the puppies for a bit. One sleeps on that cheating, lying chit's side of the bed all the time.
My houndies are steadfast and loving friends and have gotten me thru many bad times. It's also good to have the responsibility of feeding, walking and loving them--helps to take the focus off of whatever I'm feeling unhappy about.
It's a good thing you have dogs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Minor hijack here for a reminiscence about the calming and peace-providing qualities of animals:
When I was a kid on the dairy farm where I grew up, things were often not very good. My stepfather was abusive and my mom is an ACOA who never sought help, so there wasn't much peace or safety to be had. One of the good memories I do have I think of as "Letting the Cats Cover Me." This is when I was about 10 or 11.
When the evening milking was done, my mom and stepfather would go up to the house. My siblings and I all had various chores to do, and I was often the last one in the barn b/c of the particular work I did. One night everyone else had gone to the house, and after I finished my work, I went up and down the walks and in between the mangers, turning off all the lights. I stopped when I was done and stood in the dark, in between the mangers, smelling the hay and the cows, hearing the soft grinding as they chewed and the jingle of their neck tags.
It was winter, and cold, but for some reason I decided to lie down in between the mangers--probably b/c it seemed peaceful and I was in no hurry to get to the house. I lay down on my back on the cement and closed my eyes, just listening. Suddenly I felt a light touch on my arm and then delicate footsteps onto my chest. It was one of the barn cats, who curled up on me and began to purr. Soon another one came, then another one.
Before long, I had about a half dozen cats lying on me. The warm weight of them and the sound of their purring was just like heaven. I'm sure they were there b/c I was a softer, warmer spot to sleep on than the cement, but back then it felt like they were my protectors and saviors. It was such a deep feeling of peace--in fact, as I think back on it now, it was very much akin to the sensation of "being rocked in the arms of the Universe" that I had on my first full night alone after XAH moved out.
I continued to do this when the opportunity arose, and depending on how many barn cats we had at any given time, I could be covered by 6 to maybe 10 or 12 cats. I am definitely a dog person, have always been so, but "the cats covering me" was just a magical thing that is still so very clear to me, 45 years later...
OK, turning the thread back over to its original purpose! Thank you for your indulgence.
When I was a kid on the dairy farm where I grew up, things were often not very good. My stepfather was abusive and my mom is an ACOA who never sought help, so there wasn't much peace or safety to be had. One of the good memories I do have I think of as "Letting the Cats Cover Me." This is when I was about 10 or 11.
When the evening milking was done, my mom and stepfather would go up to the house. My siblings and I all had various chores to do, and I was often the last one in the barn b/c of the particular work I did. One night everyone else had gone to the house, and after I finished my work, I went up and down the walks and in between the mangers, turning off all the lights. I stopped when I was done and stood in the dark, in between the mangers, smelling the hay and the cows, hearing the soft grinding as they chewed and the jingle of their neck tags.
It was winter, and cold, but for some reason I decided to lie down in between the mangers--probably b/c it seemed peaceful and I was in no hurry to get to the house. I lay down on my back on the cement and closed my eyes, just listening. Suddenly I felt a light touch on my arm and then delicate footsteps onto my chest. It was one of the barn cats, who curled up on me and began to purr. Soon another one came, then another one.
Before long, I had about a half dozen cats lying on me. The warm weight of them and the sound of their purring was just like heaven. I'm sure they were there b/c I was a softer, warmer spot to sleep on than the cement, but back then it felt like they were my protectors and saviors. It was such a deep feeling of peace--in fact, as I think back on it now, it was very much akin to the sensation of "being rocked in the arms of the Universe" that I had on my first full night alone after XAH moved out.
I continued to do this when the opportunity arose, and depending on how many barn cats we had at any given time, I could be covered by 6 to maybe 10 or 12 cats. I am definitely a dog person, have always been so, but "the cats covering me" was just a magical thing that is still so very clear to me, 45 years later...
OK, turning the thread back over to its original purpose! Thank you for your indulgence.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OMG, honeypig! That is the most beautiful thing I have read in a long, long time.....and, I so totally relate.....
thank you for writing about that....
***I, also, beg forgiveness for joining the hijack...I couldn't help it.....
thank you for writing about that....
***I, also, beg forgiveness for joining the hijack...I couldn't help it.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
You go girl - sounds like an excellent workout.
Speaking of bed...
What helped me is getting rid of all the old mattress and bedding. As weird as it is - made me feel "cleaner". I also went through everything and packed all old pictures and cards in the box and shipped to his new location - I did not want to keep them, but felt like destroying them was not up to me
Dina - your ex is spiraling down, you have to let him do so and get out of the way of distraction. And stay strong when he tries to come back.
Speaking of bed...
What helped me is getting rid of all the old mattress and bedding. As weird as it is - made me feel "cleaner". I also went through everything and packed all old pictures and cards in the box and shipped to his new location - I did not want to keep them, but felt like destroying them was not up to me
Dina - your ex is spiraling down, you have to let him do so and get out of the way of distraction. And stay strong when he tries to come back.
Originally Posted by HURTINGDINA
Everyone has had wonderful and insightful comments and suggestions.
Thank you from deep in my heart.
I cried with the puppies for a bit. One sleeps on that cheating, lying chit's side of the bed all the time. Must miss him, that is pretty sad.
I am affirming....because my words and thoughts are powerful {thank you**
I went to the gym, did the treadmill on my highest speed so far and used 3 arm machines {first time**. I was exhausted and but so pleased with myself.
I am so grateful for this site and all of you . "We" turned this day around!
Thank you from deep in my heart.
I cried with the puppies for a bit. One sleeps on that cheating, lying chit's side of the bed all the time. Must miss him, that is pretty sad.
I am affirming....because my words and thoughts are powerful {thank you**
I went to the gym, did the treadmill on my highest speed so far and used 3 arm machines {first time**. I was exhausted and but so pleased with myself.
I am so grateful for this site and all of you . "We" turned this day around!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Love this thread all!
Dina, I hope between the grieving you do today, you seize opportunities to make things better for yourself and your kids. Everyday you get through brings you a bit closer to healing.
Dina, I hope between the grieving you do today, you seize opportunities to make things better for yourself and your kids. Everyday you get through brings you a bit closer to healing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by honeypig
My Indian name would not be Dances With Wolves, but it WOULD be Sleeps With Dogs! Every night I am attended by a big soft warm heavy basset hound on my right and a little black Demon Terrier on my left (yes, under the covers, at least in winter--when it's warm they like more space). This is referred to as being "dogged in", and to me, it is one of the most desirable situations possible!
My houndies are steadfast and loving friends and have gotten me thru many bad times. It's also good to have the responsibility of feeding, walking and loving them--helps to take the focus off of whatever I'm feeling unhappy about.
It's a good thing you have dogs!
My houndies are steadfast and loving friends and have gotten me thru many bad times. It's also good to have the responsibility of feeding, walking and loving them--helps to take the focus off of whatever I'm feeling unhappy about.
It's a good thing you have dogs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by HURTINGDINA
and i pathetically still love him.
I am frozen in place
I am frozen in place
I second all the other suggestions about finding ways to occupy yourself while you wait for time to pass, and for your emotions to readjust themselves.
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