Axbf seeing other people
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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It's funny as I read through this forum how similar all of the stories sound. Mine is not unique. I'm still in the process of truly understanding and accepting that he's not going to change, despite all of the promises.
I think I understand intellectually now that it's over, but it will take some time for my heart and spirit to catch up. But yes, I'm looking forward to focusing on myself now! And today I'm in a much better mood than I have been in months. This was really the work of my HP helping me to move on and worry about myself.
I think I understand intellectually now that it's over, but it will take some time for my heart and spirit to catch up. But yes, I'm looking forward to focusing on myself now! And today I'm in a much better mood than I have been in months. This was really the work of my HP helping me to move on and worry about myself.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Originally Posted by Seeker21 
It's funny as I read through this forum how similar all of the stories sound. Mine is not unique. I'm still in the process of truly understanding and accepting that he's not going to change, despite all of the promises.
I think I understand intellectually now that it's over, but it will take some time for my heart and spirit to catch up. But yes, I'm looking forward to focusing on myself now! And today I'm in a much better mood than I have been in months. This was really the work of my HP helping me to move on and worry about myself.
I think I understand intellectually now that it's over, but it will take some time for my heart and spirit to catch up. But yes, I'm looking forward to focusing on myself now! And today I'm in a much better mood than I have been in months. This was really the work of my HP helping me to move on and worry about myself.
And yes you can understand it intellectually but still need to grieve the hopes and dreams and that it painful and takes time. Be easy on yourself this is tough stuff.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: New South Wales
Posts: 4
thank you
Originally Posted by heartcore
It is in the nature of an addict/alcoholic (& I'm one, so making a sweeping generalization here) to always seek the "do-over."
So, if you have set expectations & boundaries, it is so much easier to "start-over" with an "innocent" who has not built any expectations or boundaries. They think you're just "fun"!
The consolation (& this has sustained me, because I have experienced both sides, & also had the frustrating & heart-breaking experience of loving & losing an alcoholic) is that the new "partner" gets exactly the person you so carefully rejected (but perhaps a little more furtive & self-protective). If the ex hasn't changed, their new one gets the unchanged ex (that you already decided was not your apt mate).
Maybe, she has different values & will accept this damaging/damaged being without question. Whatever. That's so sad, really.
You did the work. You kept your part of the deal.
Because you are honorable in the making of important deals.
He broke the commitment.
It has taken many years for me to be in a place to say this, but - I don't want to give my life over to a person who can't keep a simple agreement, especially one which was a compromise on my part in the first place (because you wouldn't even have needed negotiate this recovery period of there hadn't been a crisis which required recovery!!).
In the end of all things, you can only keep your side of an agreement.
If he re-partners, she gets a guy who can't or won't keep promises. She drew the short straw. He freed you entirely from the whole pile of mistrust.
It hurts. It's clear. It hurts. It's clear.
Something else more fair awaits you.
So, if you have set expectations & boundaries, it is so much easier to "start-over" with an "innocent" who has not built any expectations or boundaries. They think you're just "fun"!
The consolation (& this has sustained me, because I have experienced both sides, & also had the frustrating & heart-breaking experience of loving & losing an alcoholic) is that the new "partner" gets exactly the person you so carefully rejected (but perhaps a little more furtive & self-protective). If the ex hasn't changed, their new one gets the unchanged ex (that you already decided was not your apt mate).
Maybe, she has different values & will accept this damaging/damaged being without question. Whatever. That's so sad, really.
You did the work. You kept your part of the deal.
Because you are honorable in the making of important deals.
He broke the commitment.
It has taken many years for me to be in a place to say this, but - I don't want to give my life over to a person who can't keep a simple agreement, especially one which was a compromise on my part in the first place (because you wouldn't even have needed negotiate this recovery period of there hadn't been a crisis which required recovery!!).
In the end of all things, you can only keep your side of an agreement.
If he re-partners, she gets a guy who can't or won't keep promises. She drew the short straw. He freed you entirely from the whole pile of mistrust.
It hurts. It's clear. It hurts. It's clear.
Something else more fair awaits you.
I copied this and pasted it to my daily reminders.
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