desperatesister

Sister is roaming the streets of our community telling people that I stole all of her money and saying horrible things about everyone in our family. I know she is trying to create issues everywhere as part of her manipulation to get us to help just to get her to stop. She showed up at my husbands office today and screamed at him. He gave her a phone to use to do a phone interview for rehab--they said she needed to call back when she is sober. He told her to leave his office after she kept screaming. So then she went to a friends restaurant went in ordered food and a drink, took her shoes off and went to sleep on the table. When it was time to pay she said I was coming to pay for her.....😳I am getting texts and phone calls everyday with some drama. I keep telling people I am not responsible for her and to call the police. At this point I just want her to move on and stop showing up at places my family would be at....she ran into kids from my daughters school (they wear uniforms) and asked them for money??? Ugh I just want it to stop. 20 years of it and I am done!! She is homeless and has nothing. When will she be tired and hit bottom!!

LexieCat

What she is doing would more than likely be considered harassment under SC law. If she is convicted, she could be ordered to stay away from you and your family as a condition of probation. I'd suggest calling the police and giving them a detailed report.

Seren

Hello sister,

I would certainly continue to encourage people to call the police when she shows up, doesn't pay for meals, harasses children, etc. Eventually, she might actually get arrested. Unfortunately, my experience in the same state has not been all that positive regarding protecting people from drunken harassment. It is a pretty unbelievably high standard here to place an order of protection...we tried to protect my MIL from my stepson who would stop by her nursing home (for heaven's sake), use her shower and crash and bug her for cash. The only recourse we had was to have the nursing home staff alert us when he arrived. Our local magistrate would never put an order in place.

I hope you have far better luck!

LexieCat

I looked at the protective order requirements for SC and it looks as if it only applies to people in an intimate relationship--spouses, child in common, cohabitating, etc. So that's why I didn't suggest that route.

However, when someone is convicted of a criminal offense, judges generally have broad discretion to impose any conditions of probation they deem necessary and appropriate. A pretty typical condition for anyone convicted of something like harassment is to have no contact with the person harassed or members of his/her family. That's why I suggested a charge might be an effective way to address it. Violation of a condition of probation can result in jail time. In addition, no contact can often be made a condition of bail at the time of initial arrest, so that might give you some immediate relief. The court can also usually order, as a bail condition or as a condition of probation, alcohol treatment if appropriate.

Just an idea. You might want to call your local prosecutor's office to find out. You and your family are being harmed. If there's a criminal charge that will help keep you safe and hold the offender accountable, it's worth considering.

atalose

You are doing all that you can by informing people that you are not responsible and to call the police. Now add another sentence to that and tell them to stop calling you regarding her because it is hurtful not helpful.

Another thing you can do if these people can’t respect your wishes after telling them to stop calling you is don’t answer their calls anymore.

PhoenixJ

Prayers.

desperatesister

Last night my phone started ringing at 1:15 until 1:45 in the morning. Then there was banging on the door and door bell ringing until 2:15. I didn't answer the door. The police brought her to my house. I waited until everything's by was quiet and went downstairs to make sure all was ok. I am so tired of all of it and feel like it will never stop. I just want her to leave me alone and go away.
It makes me feel horrible to have her out in the cold and I know she knows it. So this is her way of getting what she wants. I will not cave this time. Thank you all for keeping me grounded and helping me to stay the course.

Ariesagain

Not to be all annoying Yankee on you, but it was about 50 degrees in South Carolina last night. Where I live, that's picnic weather.

Tell the police she can't come to your house. They can take her to jail where she's not on the streets.

Her addiction is counting on your embarrassment to get you to cave and enable her.

This is a rough road. I'm sorry.

desperatesister

You are right and I know it. I am not going to cave. Just need reaffirmation from time to time. Thanks!

hope778

My RAH's aunt sounds very similar to your sister. She is an addict and alcoholic. Has caused problems for many many years. When I first started dating my now husband I couldn't quite understand why his family members were cutting her out of their lives one by one. Now I unfortunately understand. I cut her off a short time ago.

I've seen my MIL go through what you're going through. Counseling and therapy over the fact that she's had to cut her own sister off over this. She causes issues, shows up at work places, constantly asks people we know for money, we then have to hear from those people, sob story after sob story. We always tell people - stop calling us in regards to her. We just tell them, she's lying to you, believe it if you will, or call the police. We don't interact with her anymore at all.

I'm so sorry anyone has to experience this. It's not right. Just know you're not alone, for what it's worth. Detachment has been key for us.

Refiner

"We just tell them, she's lying to you, believe it if you will, or call the police. We don't interact with her anymore at all. "

Yep, that's all you have to say.

desperatesister

I spoke to the police today. Last night she hired a cab to bring her to my house and then didn't have the money to pay him. That was when she was ringing my doorbell at 1:45 am. They put her in jail for non payment of the taxi.but she will be out soon and it will start all over again. I am staying strong. I will not cave. I am tired.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

Bekindalways

Courage to you. This sounds beyond hard.

Seren

I am just so sorry for all the sleeplessness and drama that your sister has been bringing into your lives and the lives of others!! I hope you have been able to get some additional rest. Your sister has many options other than family. She just has to want to search them out.

I thought I would offer up that there are at least 7 homeless shelters, some catering specifically to women, in Charleston including The Beacon, The North Charleston Interfaith Shelter, and One80Place.

MUSC Center for Drug and Alcohol Programs and Shalom Recovery Services also are available in Charleston.

There is also a Salvation Army Shelter on Dorchester Road, in North Charleston.

I should add, that doing a quick search on the AA website...there are 77 meetings (77!!) of AA that occur throughout the week in Charleston!

If she seeks, she will find...

You and your whole family will be in my prayers!

redatlanta

Really sorry for all the drama here - but eventually the police will handle this situation once they know YOU won't. Sounds like they are being considerate to her to try and "help" her rather than handle how they would if she had no family, or nowhere to go. PD are loathe to have to deal with this type of issue.

They will get real tired of it soon enough. For your friends - maybe would be best to tell them to call the police should she enter their businesses or show up at their homes. My guess is she will eventually be sentenced to a Court ordered facility once they have arrested her enough (and once she gets a Bench Warrant or several for failure to appear).

Stay strong.

53500

Desperatesister, good for you, not caving. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this but you're doing the right thing. It's good she was arrested for not paying the cab. Maybe she won't try that again.

Refiner

Yes - THIS! And I might add that it's not only the police, but also healthcare authorities or any other businesses or individuals that get hasseled, hustled, and manipulated by the addict. As soon as they realize there's no "landing spot" for the problem, they must take appropriate action themselves - NOT YOU. Stay strong!

NYCDoglvr

My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine how difficult this is. You are doing what's necessary and taking care of yourself. Stay strong and call the police when you have to. A big hug.