Update..............

Old 02-05-2017, 04:17 PM
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Update..............

Well I would like to say the divorce is proceeding- I guess it is slowly- AH is trying to get alimony from me - trying to get all of the equity out of the house - trying to get my boat - basically fighting me on everything - I do have an attorney - we are close to him being forced to sell the house with me as he can't buy me out as he has no job- he was surprised nobody would loan him money -- wth- to top it off my youngest got a job - recent grad and moves an hour away in the next 2 weeks- super proud of him but that leaves me alone in this rural river community with AH living across the street until the house is sold - I pay all of the bills here - I support myself 100% and the house - he lives for free at a very expensive house and has 2 boats and 2 cars that I helped buy- I know - concentrate on your self - I get that - but my anger is so deep - I want to walk away from the house and let him pay for it for a while- I want to move out of this neighborhood where I have to see him most every day- where all of his drunk friends and family won't speak to me and give me dirty looks- I actually flipped someone the bird today in traffic - now I am so ashamed - my chest hurts - I cry all the time - and I mean all the time - I am sick of myself - Maybe I don't deserve anyone like he said - maybe I will be alone forever - I have never lived alone and it will hit in 2 weeks and I am scared - I have no family here with my son leaving- very few friends as I gave them up for AH. I have really screwed my life up and am very ashamed to say the least. I sit here crying and just wanted to text ah and tell him I hate him but I won't- I need to get it together as my real estate is suffering and if I cant work I won't have a penny to my name - I don't have a Mommy and Daddy like he does to take care of me. I am a freaking mess and if I was my friend I would not want to be around me - I look like crap I am trying to read positive stuff and get back to my faith but I am in too sad and angry and messed up - Please send some positive thoughts to me - I know this is best I do - I am happy to have a alcohol free home but questioning why I always seem to get **** on.............always.... so much for being positive. screw it.................

Last edited by Redheadsusie; 02-05-2017 at 04:22 PM. Reason: forgot something and misspell
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Old 02-05-2017, 04:32 PM
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I don't know when but sometime your life will be so much better for this.

sending a big cyber hug
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Old 02-05-2017, 04:36 PM
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Aww redheadsusie - big hugs to you, you are not alone.

This is unfair - but seems to be frequently the case - addict is surrounded by people who take care of him while you are left on your own.

His mom and dad taking care of him are not helping him. Leave the property split to the lawyers (hope you have a good one)

I am having a hard time myself - my DS's birthday is coming up and XAH does not seem to care, very self absorbed, just called and said he won't be able to see him thy weekend. He basically left me with no help whatsoever, I am on my own with my little guy, working full time.

Screw 'em. Let 'me go. It will all catch up to them.

You are not alone I am feeling a bit lonely tonight myself, I wish I could sit with you in my kitchen and pour a cup of tea and have a pie
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Old 02-05-2017, 04:39 PM
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You are in a sober frame to make those choices and it is a chance to build a next chapter that works for you. Everything won't fall in place right away but your first choices will involve managing the sale and finding a new community. So many interpretations of community but somewhere you could meet others.
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Old 02-05-2017, 05:13 PM
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Hey Susie, I'm always so glad when you check in.

Hon, you have got to get OUT of that neighborhood. Give yourself the GIFT of being free of him and the toxic pool he lives in and with.

You deserve that.

But even beyond that, we NEED space in order to recover. We need TIME and DISTANCE from the emotional maelstrom of loving an addict. Only YOU can give yourself that. I hope you will choose to do that sooner rather than later.
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Old 02-05-2017, 05:18 PM
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This is unfair - but seems to be frequently the case - addict is surrounded by people who take care of him while you are left on your own.

So true what Natalie wrote and you too red headed Suzy. I was married over 30 years and when it was all said and done, I did some simple math and guess what? I made less than a dollar a day putting up with sh%t. But you know what, I laughed out loud about that and I'm okay with the division of money and property.
I moved to a completely new town, have been here a little more than a year and today when I was grocery shopping, I ran into 3 people I know! I've joined an inexpensive gym too. I bought 7 skirts at goodwill for 25 dollars and they look great.
All of this was very very debilitating and sadness permeated me. Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I no longer feel that way, but boy oh boy it took time and work to change my perspective. It's hard losing your standard of living, your way of life, uour partner, and your community.
You will survive and thrive, just not as fast as you want to.
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Old 02-05-2017, 05:52 PM
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honey, making changes mean your life will CHANGE. think about this phase of your life like a shower after a week camping off the grid. you need to rinse all the OOK off of you.....which leaves you naked and wet.....and CLEAN.

learn to be ok being by yourself. learn to be fully independent. there are still a bajillion people on the planet, they didn't all leave.
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Old 02-05-2017, 06:37 PM
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Susie,
(sorry for how long it is)

Congratulations!!! You must be so proud of your son getting a degree, getting a job and moving out. That is a mothers greatest "accomplishment", when your child succeeds. Hon, you had a lot to do with it, you son also lived in that alcoholic crazy home. He had your strength to persevere!! You say that your son is leaving you, would you want him to stay? You know that answer to that. You want him to reach out and challenge the world. He will be ok and you will too.

I know that you are complaining about living across from your ah. But could you imagine if you he was still in your home? Count your blessing that he is there and not living in your peaceful home. He is not running up the heat or electricity while he doesn't work everyday. He is not eating your food that you paid for. He is not drunk around you and causing you more stress. He is not messing up your home and there is peace for you and your son right now.

You are blessed that you are working and can support yourself. Once the divorce settlement goes through, he will have to get a job or find other enablers to pay for the gas to his boats, cars and or insurance on them. They feel sorry for him because of the stress of his divorce, but I can guarantee you it will only last so long before people will get tired of him. I understand that you paid for them, hopefully they will be sold and you can split some of the proceeds.

We all understand that the easy way would be to walk way, but you have not worked as hard as you have to do that. You are not taking the easy way out and just living with an addict. You deserve more, and you filed for divorce. Eventually when you things settle down, you are in the business, put the house up for sale and get the heck out of the neighborhood. I know it is hard to be patient, but it will all fall into place. Just keep moving forward.

You have learned to not engage with your addict, why would engage with other addicts? Don't lower to their standards. Hold your head up with pride. You have a job and work hard. Raised good kids and are a brave women and mom. Just because addicts don't respect you, who cares. Smile and walk way with pride. You know that they are losers, so why do you care what they think of you.

Hon, you say you have never lived alone, I would disagree. You have been living alone a lot longer then you want to admit. You will finally have peace in your home, it will be your own home.

Spring is coming and that is a Real Estate agents busy time. You need to get your hair cut, do a mani and pedi if you can. Go to Good Will and buy a new sweater or pair of pants. Put a little make up on. Try and go for a walk in the park, away from your home. These are all easy and inexpensive pick me ups.

And if all fails, keep reading on this forum about the women and men who have it a lot worse then you. We hear your pain, but you are blessed, Susie. Find those little blessing each day .... sun shining, car starts, see a friend, hear a great song on the radio, get a call from you kids. So many blessing, be thankful for everything you have. We Care!! Hugs my friend, this too shall pass.
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:14 PM
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So very good to hear from you Susi and so sad to hear you are hurting.

Please as Maia says, do something to take care of yourself no matter how small. Also do the next right thing to get yourself legally and physically separated from this man.

Big hug. Keep posting!
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:46 PM
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You are all so wonderful.. I am very grateful for all of your wisdom and support more than you know. It makes me feel not so alone. I am proud of my son yes and I know his new job and being on his own is great for him ! I will get out of this neighborhood and start rebuilding myself - I know it! I will try to be kind to myself and wish everyone here peace and happiness too- With thanks- Redheadsusie
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