Do You Think We Grieve Our Alcoholics in the Same Way as a Death?
Soinlove
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
Very possibly, yes..
Interesting concept you bring up. Having experienced both this past year I have to say it is very similar...
My dad passed away last March after a two year battle with cancer-- it's a process: getting the news, trying all you can to fix it or make him better, coming to the realization that he's only getting more sick, grieving thru it all as you must give up any control, it is their life, all you can do is the best you can and be there, in the end as much as you try it is their fight. We did all we could, but in the end we had to honor his wishes & we had to let him handle it his way, even if that meant losing him. I'm not sure I'll ever get over his death, I still grieve for him weekly.. So so many great memories & years we had with him, but he handled his death like he did his life on his terms & in his way.
With my abf, it can often be so very similiar. We've been together 4 years now & are both 40... I have tried it all with him too when he releases -Not saying anything bc I didn't know what to say or do, getting angry, crying, sitting sad watching him from afar. Then there are 6+ months at a time that he doesn't touch a drop and life goes smoothly, we go places & do things & genuinely love life. Then nights like tonight happen out of the clear blue ( I came home at lunch and all was good, smokes, eye.. Then I work a little. late & get home to see him asleep already at 6 pm, a cup on the nightstand which turns out to be vodka & lemonade). I'm completely blind sided.. He's angry and irritable & I have no idea why . Life hasn't been perfect .. He's recovering from a knee surgery over the holidays- which are always hard for him to make it through anyway- & I've admittedly been kinda depressed myself, first year without dad & haven't been a peach to be around.
It hit me tonight that I truly have no control, this is his life & disease and he's going to handle it how he wants too despite what I say or think.
I'm sad& upset, but have decided not to express that, I choose to be in this..he knows how I feel & as strong as I am, can only handle so much. I also get to choose what I put my mind and body thru.. My love is unwavering, but I'm important too..
My dad passed away last March after a two year battle with cancer-- it's a process: getting the news, trying all you can to fix it or make him better, coming to the realization that he's only getting more sick, grieving thru it all as you must give up any control, it is their life, all you can do is the best you can and be there, in the end as much as you try it is their fight. We did all we could, but in the end we had to honor his wishes & we had to let him handle it his way, even if that meant losing him. I'm not sure I'll ever get over his death, I still grieve for him weekly.. So so many great memories & years we had with him, but he handled his death like he did his life on his terms & in his way.
With my abf, it can often be so very similiar. We've been together 4 years now & are both 40... I have tried it all with him too when he releases -Not saying anything bc I didn't know what to say or do, getting angry, crying, sitting sad watching him from afar. Then there are 6+ months at a time that he doesn't touch a drop and life goes smoothly, we go places & do things & genuinely love life. Then nights like tonight happen out of the clear blue ( I came home at lunch and all was good, smokes, eye.. Then I work a little. late & get home to see him asleep already at 6 pm, a cup on the nightstand which turns out to be vodka & lemonade). I'm completely blind sided.. He's angry and irritable & I have no idea why . Life hasn't been perfect .. He's recovering from a knee surgery over the holidays- which are always hard for him to make it through anyway- & I've admittedly been kinda depressed myself, first year without dad & haven't been a peach to be around.
It hit me tonight that I truly have no control, this is his life & disease and he's going to handle it how he wants too despite what I say or think.
I'm sad& upset, but have decided not to express that, I choose to be in this..he knows how I feel & as strong as I am, can only handle so much. I also get to choose what I put my mind and body thru.. My love is unwavering, but I'm important too..
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