BitingTheBullet

My AH in an effort to appease me, not help himself, started attending AA. He did this exactly one year ago as well and was somewhat succesful in that he was sober for 6 months. However this time he is going to one meeting per week and attending only the beginner portion of the meeting not staying for the regular meeting. I feel like if he was serious he would stay for the regular meeting. (He did last year.) I don't want to grasp for straws, but my children think its good- or a step in the right direction. I told them it would be if he attended both meetings. As it is I am not sure he is even attending he could be just leaving the house.

Am I wrong? is attending beginners only enough? I know everyone is different on how many meetings per day/per week are needed but from AA's perspective do they recommend attending both beg. And reg?

I know in Al Anon I attend both beg. And reg. Trying hard to detach. Increasing my al anon meetings to every other day.

AnvilheadII

i have never heard of a beginner's meeting before a regular meeting. there ARE beginner's meetings, but they run the full time. most meeting start with a series of readings, and then the chair opens the meeting, possibly picking a topic. meetings are usually 1.5 hours. at least where i come from. add in some travel time to and from and maybe a bit of chit chat with other members, and you're looking at a good two hours.

it sounds like he's just leaving the house.....trying to make it appear like he's "trying".

MIRecovery

All I can share is what I know. For the first 1.5 years I attended 6 meetings per week. Now at 7.5 years sober I attend 3. Almost without exception the people I know who have long term sobriety attend multiple meetings weekly.

LexieCat

I've been to groups that had a beginner's meeting before the main meeting.

Here's the deal--it isn't the meetings that get you sober and keep you that way. It's working the steps, commitment, involvement, dedication to one's own recovery. Looks to me like he's going through the motions to make a show of effort without actually doing anything other than plunking his butt in the chair for an hour or so.

Under the circumstances, I doubt that going to a "regular" meeting would be any more helpful.

MIRecovery

Over about 3 years as I was cutting back my meetings I asked my sponsor how you know how many meetings is appropriate. He said keep cutting back until you drink and then you will know.

This brings up something that is more important than meetings. Does he have a sponsor and is he working the steps?

AnvilheadII

gosh back in the day, they were just straight up....this is how it is....if you wanna get sober and stay sober do >>this<<.

do 30 in 30.

take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.

keep coming back

you need to get to a meeting when: a) you wanna b)you think you should and most especially c) when you don't wanna.

here are the rules:

1. don't drink
2. go to meetings
3. follow instructions

and the instructions are...

1. don't drink
2. go to meetings
3. follow instructions

and the instructions are........

there was no touchy feely, namby pamby bs.....just the facts. if you want what we have, and are willing to go to any lengths to get it....then you are ready to take certain steps.

BitingTheBullet

Exactly!! to all of you! He is just making a token effort. I get that, I do feel bad for being a downer to the kids who are hopeful.

dandylion

Anvil.....did you walk to the meetings in two feet of snow with holes in your shoes and a very thin coat?

Sorry, everyone for the hijack.........