Hayfmr

Bipolar STBEXAW has been on a long term binge. Everyone has tried to get her to go get help and she has refused till yesterday. She quit drinking a couple of days ago and wants to go to treatment. Asking for help . Is helping her get into a treatment program enabeling her? I didn't think so but someone told me it was. They feel she needs to do all of it herself. If she was capable I would agree but she is not. Whats everyone here say? My thoughts were helping make the phone calls and most likely driving her to the treatment.

biminiblue

Are you legally separated?

I guess a lot of it depends on your financial entanglement. WA is a community property state so legal financial separation would be a deciding factor for me - and if you have counsel, I would check with him/her on this.

If I were legally protected, then no I wouldn't call or get involved. If there is going to be a financial implication, I'd be 100% involved.

Hayfmr

No, just in the divorce process. Community property state.

biminiblue

yeah, I edited my post above...I'd call my lawyer on this.

dandylion

Hayfmr.....If it were me...I would help her get to treatment......

atalose

My first thoughts are......you make the phone calls, you find a facility and you drive her to the place. Sadly and unfortunately and ultimately YOU become HER reason should she fail. Not true but a boat load of blame to come your way.

My other thought is, why is she not capable of making her own phone calls, talking to the screeners and taking control over her sobriety?

SmallButMighty

Several times when I was still married my AXH would tell me he needed help and want me to help him find the fixes...which was me trying and him doing nothing except sulking... I researched, I read, I looked into treatments and programs... I drove myself nuts trying to fix his problem for him. Of course none of it ever worked. Even when he did drag himself to AA he didn't engage and of course failed at staying sober.

If your STBXAW isn't capable of making the calls, she isn't ready to do the work to get and stay sober.

If she is willing to get herself set up for treatment, and then needs a ride I'd be willing to get her there. Mostly because if she is drunk she shouldn't be driving and risking other people's lives.

Good luck to both of you.

AnvilheadII

Everyone has tried to get her to go get help

so surely in all that, she had to be given information regarding treatment?? Tell her to call Milam, or Highline (they have a special program for women, Res 12), or even Schick Shadel.

Eauchiche

I hope I didn't blow it with somebody, but the alcoholic daughter of a couple of friends of mine left me a message several months ago asking me to find her an AA meeting. It's not like this is her first time in a program, either.
I didn't return the call. I figured if I suggested a meeting and she didn't stay sober, she could blame me for falling off the wagon again.

NYCDoglvr

I volunteer at AA Intergroup answering phone calls from people seeing meetings, both in New York and other parts of the country. When someone reaches out for help in finding a meeting it's always appropriate to provide the information.

Eauchiche

Thanks NYC
I know I have a lot to learn and a long way in my program. To be honest, this particular girl scares the "chips" out of me, and I would rather not get mixed up with her.

biminiblue

Eauchiche, I think she could have found a meeting. I wouldn't feel bad about not wanting to get involved. Finding AA is only an internet search or phone call away. ((hug))

With that said, I have the local intergroup phone number and a list of several meetings in my phone so I can text it to anyone who needs it. I've done exactly that for a couple of drunk and or sketchy people who asked. I don't volunteer to get any more involved if I have any doubt about my safety.