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I am doing okay. The day wasn't amazing but not as bad as I thought. Started off with a family member making a long trip to my neck of the woods and inviting me last minute to a place (that makes me feel super duper uncomfortable) so that I could see them. I initially said no, and then was guilted into a "maybe" (which didn't feel right and kind of made me mad) and I was actually considering going. I did not end up going however because I received many calls and texts from that person the morning they were expecting me which made me even more upset, it felt like I was being harassed. I ended up completely ignoring my phone because every time it rang or chimed I would feel more pressure and anxiety. It made me feel like a child, and like if I had gone they would think it was a tactic that could be used in the future to get me to bend to their will. I was so torn though, because one on hand I did want to see this person but on the other, the location and the pressure didn't make me feel good about it.

I ended up at my sister's which I was really excited about because my father wasn't going to be there. I've realized lately that's he's actually been highly abusive towards me, emotionally, mentally and physically, and right now I want nothing to do with him. Things were fine there. Nothing too crazy except my other sister kept talking about work like... all night (I am one to leave work at work) and things got a little heated when my father's newest girlfriend came up.

My dad has a track record of getting together with single moms who usually have some type of issue. My mom is an alcoholic, his next wife had mental health issues, the next seemed normal to me but my sisters and his mom hated her (go figure), and apparently this newest girl he met at a bar and the first time my younger sister met her she was tanked. My older sister loves her for some reason (we hardly know her, nothing to hate but we only see her on special occasions like a birthday) and was getting angry that my younger sister brought up how drunk she was, "but she's a good person, blablabla".

I wasn't saying much but found it interesting that my older sister would defend someone being so drunk and how she was unable to sympathize with my other sister and understand why it made her feel uncomfortable. It became more like an argument of, "you're wrong, she's a good person and this is why". My father seems to have this complex where he needs to be the "hero" and take care of people, often taking care of his partner's kids (which in his language means throwing money at them).

I haven't quite figured it out yet but it's like he needs to be needed. He wants to be the one people go to for help. Sometimes I think he gets a sadistic sense of pleasure from it, like it's the utmost form of control. He'll help you but you are subjected to his awful words and he'll make you feel like crap about it. His girlfriends tend to be submissive...

The experience gave me a lot to think about it. I've been processing Thursday this entire weekend. A lot happened!

Maudcat

Sounds as though you are working toward some enlightenments, Expanding, which, to me is always a good thing. The more I processed stuff that happened with my FOO, the greater understanding I came to have about my own behavior and choices. I'm now in my 60's and still coming to understand different things. It's a lifelong process, for sure.