Alcohol, but don't forget hairspray and perfume
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Alcohol, but don't forget hairspray and perfume
I got to thinking how many shocking firsts I have experienced in sharing my life with an Abf. I grew up in a very "together" home where addiction did not exist nor any real life problem for that matter. Fast forward to me and peeking into a world I never knew existed.
Being partners with an A has showed me a side to this disease I never knew. I always thought it was the guy who had too many beers at the bar partying with his buds and liked to drink and drive. Or the mom that poured too many glasses of wine and overslept the next day missing her carpool (which yes, are all examples of potential A's as well). I just never knew the underworld of it. The darkside that most normal people don't know or will ever see.
Recently I input a boundary on my Abf that he was not allowed to drink (booze) in my home or bring it into my home. What I failed to tell him was that he could also not ingest other chemicals either. On more than one occasion I have found him surrounded by empty hairspray bottles and aerosol cans, cologne, lithium grease, bottles of mouthwash, and anything else that contained alcohol in it. I always heard of the mouthwash thing, or even vanilla extract, but the other things weren't as common.
This morning I noticed my hairspray empty (massive can) and later found him cradled on the couch with a near empty brut aftershave bottle.
It's hard to see someone that desperate. It shocked me the first time, no longer does it as much.
Being partners with an A has showed me a side to this disease I never knew. I always thought it was the guy who had too many beers at the bar partying with his buds and liked to drink and drive. Or the mom that poured too many glasses of wine and overslept the next day missing her carpool (which yes, are all examples of potential A's as well). I just never knew the underworld of it. The darkside that most normal people don't know or will ever see.
Recently I input a boundary on my Abf that he was not allowed to drink (booze) in my home or bring it into my home. What I failed to tell him was that he could also not ingest other chemicals either. On more than one occasion I have found him surrounded by empty hairspray bottles and aerosol cans, cologne, lithium grease, bottles of mouthwash, and anything else that contained alcohol in it. I always heard of the mouthwash thing, or even vanilla extract, but the other things weren't as common.
This morning I noticed my hairspray empty (massive can) and later found him cradled on the couch with a near empty brut aftershave bottle.
It's hard to see someone that desperate. It shocked me the first time, no longer does it as much.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He's pretty far gone. I know very few people who have resorted to that.
You don't honestly think he'd not do it if you only TOLD him he couldn't, do you? And would it make any difference if you did, and he did? It's not as if you'd kick him out or something...
You don't honestly think he'd not do it if you only TOLD him he couldn't, do you? And would it make any difference if you did, and he did? It's not as if you'd kick him out or something...
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Smarie....this remnds me of something that used to be very popular with teens, especially.....called "sniffing" or "huffing".
Sniffing or inhaling the chemicals in aresol cans or common household products is another way to get high...and, are very dangerous as well.
If you go to one of the websites about this practice....by googling "huffing"....you can educate yourself on the practice and the side effects.....One episode, even, can cause the heart to stop....because it blocks oxygen from entering the blood....
I ;am not saying this to just scare you....but, I think you ought to know what is going o n in your own home....
You could easily come home to more disaster than just a messy apartment.....or a drunk on the couch......
He is more likely to get help for himself if you kick him to the streets than allowing him to crash in your apartment.....
Sniffing or inhaling the chemicals in aresol cans or common household products is another way to get high...and, are very dangerous as well.
If you go to one of the websites about this practice....by googling "huffing"....you can educate yourself on the practice and the side effects.....One episode, even, can cause the heart to stop....because it blocks oxygen from entering the blood....
I ;am not saying this to just scare you....but, I think you ought to know what is going o n in your own home....
You could easily come home to more disaster than just a messy apartment.....or a drunk on the couch......
He is more likely to get help for himself if you kick him to the streets than allowing him to crash in your apartment.....
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Hi Smarie, it is indeed pretty horrifying.
I haven't read your other posts so don't know what you are doing for yourself. I hope it includes alanon, counseling, and a lot of self care.
I too come from a pretty together family but wound up with a meth addict. The reasons for choosing this guy certainly came out of my own family dysfunction.
I haven't read your other posts so don't know what you are doing for yourself. I hope it includes alanon, counseling, and a lot of self care.
I too come from a pretty together family but wound up with a meth addict. The reasons for choosing this guy certainly came out of my own family dysfunction.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Smarie, is it possible for you to have him sectioned? I don't know if a non family member or non spouse can do it. Might be worth finding out. He certainly sounds like a danger to himself and others. You might also consider calling the police to evict him. Embarrassing, but effective.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just to clarify, "sectioning" refers to involuntary commitment. It isn't called that everywhere.
The laws vary significantly from one jurisdiction to another as to the conditions required for involuntary commitment. It's usually extremely difficult to accomplish.
The laws vary significantly from one jurisdiction to another as to the conditions required for involuntary commitment. It's usually extremely difficult to accomplish.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
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Thanks all. I just got back from a meeting. I think Lexie or Anvil said it best that he is holding me hostage in my own home and the only solution is to kick him out. I'm trying to be strong and kick him out to the streets but I am really struggling on making that call. I've taken all chemicals and cleaners out of the house in hopes that he sobers up enough for us to go to a sober living and get him in there where he lived before.
He started crying and begging when I said that but the only other option I gave is not to ingest or drink in here. But then that only works if I stand guard and I can't do that. I'm praying for strength to get him out. I hate this.
He started crying and begging when I said that but the only other option I gave is not to ingest or drink in here. But then that only works if I stand guard and I can't do that. I'm praying for strength to get him out. I hate this.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
BTW, if he's sufficiently physically dependent that he's drinking cleaning products, he's likely to experience severe withdrawal. Alcohol withdrawal can actually kill a person, unlike heroin withdrawal, which is painful but seldom fatal.
I'd keep 911 on speed dial, and if by chance they have to take him away by ambulance, send his bag with him, and instruct the hospital that they CANNOT discharge you to his care--that they will need to make other discharge plans for him. And then stay out of it. My advice.
I'd keep 911 on speed dial, and if by chance they have to take him away by ambulance, send his bag with him, and instruct the hospital that they CANNOT discharge you to his care--that they will need to make other discharge plans for him. And then stay out of it. My advice.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
I would call the police and try to get him checked into locked detox unit. Last thing you want is to be dealing with his dead body - which, given how far gone he is, is more than a possibility. I am serious.
XAH eloped from rehab and was wandering the streets of my town, unbeknownst to me, where he was promptly picked up by police, deemed danger to himself/others, and taken to locked detox unit in local psych hospital (1 mile away from where I work, mind you).
He later told me that he was considering ringing my doorbell but decided not to. At least one rational choice he made.
XAH eloped from rehab and was wandering the streets of my town, unbeknownst to me, where he was promptly picked up by police, deemed danger to himself/others, and taken to locked detox unit in local psych hospital (1 mile away from where I work, mind you).
He later told me that he was considering ringing my doorbell but decided not to. At least one rational choice he made.
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