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Why would my rah try and sabatage our daughters recovery??

Old 10-06-2016, 05:29 PM
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Why would my rah try and sabatage our daughters recovery??

I've been separated from recovered alcoholic husband for four months and it's been a nightmare with the games that he's been playing. I never thought in a million years.
This man has fooled me for 30 years he is nothing like he showed me in 30 years my eyes are wide open now at how distructive and sinister he is.
It's been absolutely mind-boggling to me that any human being can be capable of the things that he has done .
There is just too many things that I can't even list here that are just gut wrenching.
He Went and got baptized on Saturday .he asked if I would be there to watch and of course like the fool I am I went and hoped that somehow he may have changed ...our two adult daughters were there as well with the same hope.he shared his prophecy tapes with us and how much it was real and true all to just sucker us in again.
By Tuesday he had convinced his friend at work that I wasn't going to give his latter back he got him so hostile towards me that he didn't even ask me nicely for the latter he went ballistic and sent text messages threatening me with all kinds of abuse ,threats etc you name it I took the text messages to the police in which they turned around and just said give him his ladder back.
When they asked him what type a ladder it was he said it was a 25 foot extension ladder and meanwhile it was an 8 foot aluminum ladder .
Even knowing that the police said give it to him and that he and my husband will be by in the morning to pick it up I said are you serious I have all kinds of threats from him and you want them both to come to my house to pick it up with me being by myself.

Our daughter Who has had a serious issue with addictions as well went out for supper with him on Tuesday night.
She's been sober since January of addiction to drugs and pills being the hardest to get off. Her addiction to the benzo was the hardest for her to quit but thank God she got off them in January after I went to her doctor and asked her to stop prescribing her these medications.
On Tuesday her dad asked her to go out for supper and then told her that he got a bottle of benzo's and ask her if she would like some.
He then gave her 2 and told her he had 30 .
She went home has not taken them wrote a text to her best friend about how disgusted she is with her father and realize for the first time he doesn't love her.
Two days later she gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked him again for some more he knew she slept over with me and I think was suspicious and told her no those are addictive . The next day after that he told her he threw them out and wants God to heal him not benzos.
I sent her the exact email he sent back in December to me saying that exact same thing that he trashed his benzos and that God was going to heal him.
She is vulnerable and he is causing so much distress with her but this is just unbelievable!!
What man would put his daughter in such a predicament what man would do that??
I can't protect her she's 25 she loves him keeps going back to him he's done the same to me by killing me with kindness does the same to her and so you just feel really guilty somehow.
And you continue to believe the lies it's unreal... I myself now have been fully woken up and I think I'm in a place to Say goodby for ever.
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Old 10-06-2016, 06:30 PM
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Sorry you are going through this

Your husband does not sound a bit "recovering". Your daughter is a grown up - and there is nothing you can do but to detach from their recovering? addict drama.

Why do addicts do things they do? Beats me.

Take care of yourself, take a deep breath, and hang in there
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Old 10-07-2016, 03:57 AM
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Bluehawaii......you will continue to be tormented by this man as long as you are looking to him to get y our emotional needs met.....
You will have to get your "kindness" from others....elsewhere....
Even though you are separated, it still seems that you are very socially enmeshed with him.
Maybe, it is time that you consider no contact with him...except for necessary "business". Your daughter is an adult, now...so, it is not li ke you have a little kid that you have to communicate with him about.....
don't even bother to ask why he does the things he does...you will never understand what is in his brain....
Form what you have shared, in your threads..he has had a toxic and inappropriate relationship[ with her since childhood....
Probably, the best that you can do is to encourage her to keep working her own program and keep your boundaries up with regard to both of them......
You only have true control over yourself.....and your peace and serenity will not come from anywhere else, ultimately.....
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Old 10-07-2016, 07:23 AM
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No new contact, no new hurts. Your daughter will also need to know this in her heart before she can accept it for what it is and take the action of no new contact.
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Old 10-07-2016, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Nata1980 View Post
Sorry you are going through this

Your husband does not sound a bit "recovering". Your daughter is a grown up - and there is nothing you can do but to detach from their recovering? addict drama.

Why do addicts do things they do? Beats me.

Take care of yourself, take a deep breath, and hang in there
Yes I was thinking the same thing..,
Clearly gave up drinking for pills and porn.
Sad !
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Old 10-07-2016, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Bluehawaii......you will continue to be tormented by this man as long as you are looking to him to get y our emotional needs met.....
You will have to get your "kindness" from others....elsewhere....
Even though you are separated, it still seems that you are very socially enmeshed with him.
Maybe, it is time that you consider no contact with him...except for necessary "business". Your daughter is an adult, now...so, it is not li ke you have a little kid that you have to communicate with him about.....
don't even bother to ask why he does the things he does...you will never understand what is in his brain....
Form what you have shared, in your threads..he has had a toxic and inappropriate relationship[ with her since childhood....
Probably, the best that you can do is to encourage her to keep working her own program and keep your boundaries up with regard to both of them......
You only have true control over yourself.....and your peace and serenity will not come from anywhere else, ultimately.....
Thanks!
I have been no contact for pretty well 2 months.
Only talk when he needs something from the house.
I'm moving on.
It's taken me 4 months to see things but each time I see a little more I get clarity that it is highly unlikely he will ever change.
I have realized this when I've gone through past emails with the same story year after year.
It's mind boggling even uses the same sentences in them.
It's clearer to me everyday.
Im getting stronger day by day.
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Old 10-07-2016, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
No new contact, no new hurts. Your daughter will also need to know this in her heart before she can accept it for what it is and take the action of no new contact.
Thanks!
He's such a genius at manipulation it's mind boggling.
I'm praying she sees the truth.
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Old 10-07-2016, 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Bluehawaii View Post
Our daughter Who has had a serious issue with addictions as well went out for supper with him on Tuesday night.
She's been sober since January of addiction to drugs and pills being the hardest to get off. Her addiction to the benzo was the hardest for her to quit but thank God she got off them in January after I went to her doctor and asked her to stop prescribing her these medications.
On Tuesday her dad asked her to go out for supper and then told her that he got a bottle of benzo's and ask her if she would like some.
He then gave her 2 and told her he had 30 .
Benzos and alcohol both act on the GABA systems in the brain.

Dr Peter Breggin wrote an article about that here ...

Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston
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Old 10-07-2016, 09:17 PM
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You may as well ask why a dog barks or a cat miaows. It's in his nature and your best course is to make your daughter aware so she can see it too. Just be careful to do it in neutral language, or you may drive your daughter the other way.
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Old 10-08-2016, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
You may as well ask why a dog barks or a cat miaows. It's in his nature and your best course is to make your daughter aware so she can see it too. Just be careful to do it in neutral language, or you may drive your daughter the other way.
How do I do that?
I'm trying but it seems to backfire . We are close make three steps forward he goes out with her and we go five back.
It so hard to know what to do.
I'm going to all kinds of counselling but I'm so confused as I'm dealing with both of them and he is so good at playing such a nice guy he has this way with us.
Like we are brainwashed or something.
We are NOT dumb but it's unbelievable how he has this way.
I'm no contact ...it helps. My eldest is to pretty well too since he gave up on her but youngest is having a hard time .
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Old 10-08-2016, 05:42 PM
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Why? Because having another addict around can allow him to rationalize his own drug use isn't that unusual. They can convince themselves non-users are just uptight prudes who don't understand people need to relax.
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Old 10-08-2016, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by velma929 View Post
Why? Because having another addict around can allow him to rationalize his own drug use isn't that unusual. They can convince themselves non-users are just uptight prudes who don't understand people need to relax.
Because Dr prescribed these Ned's for anxiety makes it even worst because they believe the Dr gladly.
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Old 10-08-2016, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by timetohealguy View Post
Benzos and alcohol both act on the GABA systems in the brain.

Dr Peter Breggin wrote an article about that here ...

Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston
Sad! But why are the Dr s allowed to get away with this??
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