When did you start dating again?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Well it’s been 3 years for me and dating again has only been passing thoughts. LOL
After I left my ex life got busy with aging parents, helping my son raise his son and dating was the last thought on my mind.
Now when I think of dating I seriously think I’ve had to MUCH recovery because I can no longer ignore those red flags or justify in my mind why a grown man in his 50’s is STILL living with his mother. Or why a seemingly nice professional business owner can’t maintain a relationship for more than a year or two and it’s always the woman’s fault.
DAM it stinks to be healthy!!!! HAHAHA
But I’ve been single for a while and I have to say. It’s going very well. Like…it’s working out. I think I’m the one!! lol
After I left my ex life got busy with aging parents, helping my son raise his son and dating was the last thought on my mind.
Now when I think of dating I seriously think I’ve had to MUCH recovery because I can no longer ignore those red flags or justify in my mind why a grown man in his 50’s is STILL living with his mother. Or why a seemingly nice professional business owner can’t maintain a relationship for more than a year or two and it’s always the woman’s fault.
DAM it stinks to be healthy!!!! HAHAHA
But I’ve been single for a while and I have to say. It’s going very well. Like…it’s working out. I think I’m the one!! lol
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
When I am attracted to any man.... I immediately think.... If I am attracted to you, there is definitely something wrong with you!!!
I will not date as long as I have that thought in my head. Which could be.... forever lol.
On the other hand ex A- Had a dating profile online 2 days after he moved out. LOL. Yay for the one that catches him!
I will not date as long as I have that thought in my head. Which could be.... forever lol.
On the other hand ex A- Had a dating profile online 2 days after he moved out. LOL. Yay for the one that catches him!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by Expanding 
Idk if I'm not ready or just too picky.
There was a guy I was taking to, just some texting here and there and when I mentioned stress from moving he said "that's what tequila is for"
Ugh
There was a guy I was taking to, just some texting here and there and when I mentioned stress from moving he said "that's what tequila is for"
Ugh
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Both of my ex's found their current " relationships " online. What does that tell Ya? I already received a phone call from my EXH girlfriend asking me if he was crazy... Now just waiting on the girlfriend of my exabf. Lol. Good times!
I don't really think there is a time limit on whether or not you should start dating. I'm confident at this point I can spot a red flag from a mile away. The problem is do I JUST SAY NO. I guess we'll find out.
I don't really think there is a time limit on whether or not you should start dating. I'm confident at this point I can spot a red flag from a mile away. The problem is do I JUST SAY NO. I guess we'll find out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
I think if you join a website that costs more than nothing, you might get a little better crop of people--who put a little effort into it.
I have several newly single friends, many online on free sites, and they are meeting a LOT of unhealthy people. But they're just looking for some light dating and fun. They tease me that I'm asexual because I'm not interested.
I divorced after 18 years of marriage almost 3.5 years ago. I've been raising my teen boys alone. I thought I was ready about 12-18 months later and tried the eharmony route, planning to date loosely. Dated a few and was proud to catch red flags and end it. Met a guy I really clicked with and ended up living together with our kids when his hidden addiction demons suddenly surfaced. I think there's a LOT of that out there. (Still proud I left when the flags emerged--not proud that I moved so quickly.)
Since I kicked him out last November I've decided to just enjoy my life--and I've never been happier. I'm making sure I put me first and don't end up subtly sacrificing my needs and wants for a guy.
A few months ago a close male friend (who I've loved platonically for 15 years and has recently been going through a divorce) told me he was interested in me. I realized the feeling was mutual, and I tumbled headfirst for a whirlwind month or so, then decided we needed to take a breather. He knows all of my fears and need for my independence. The separation was very hard and hurt him--but it was the right thing to do for us to both grow. And I was able to be very honest about it. We decided almost no contact was necessary due to our deep attraction.
I've missed him as my friend, but the space has been good. Just this past week we ran into each other again and realized we're both in much healthier places. We're tentatively taking it very slowly (the physical chemistry has been very strong, and our emotional bond goes way back in a brotherly way--he stood in my garage hanging a punching bag when my kids were refusing to go with my abusive ex a few years ago, just in case things elevated.)
So while this is a person I could see a future with, I'm not ready to jump into it yet, but also no longer willing to push it away. I believe I'm ready because I'm able to share all of those feelings and fears with him and expect them to be respected. And to keep talking as they evolve.
I still have no desire to meet any more online people.
I have several newly single friends, many online on free sites, and they are meeting a LOT of unhealthy people. But they're just looking for some light dating and fun. They tease me that I'm asexual because I'm not interested.
I divorced after 18 years of marriage almost 3.5 years ago. I've been raising my teen boys alone. I thought I was ready about 12-18 months later and tried the eharmony route, planning to date loosely. Dated a few and was proud to catch red flags and end it. Met a guy I really clicked with and ended up living together with our kids when his hidden addiction demons suddenly surfaced. I think there's a LOT of that out there. (Still proud I left when the flags emerged--not proud that I moved so quickly.)
Since I kicked him out last November I've decided to just enjoy my life--and I've never been happier. I'm making sure I put me first and don't end up subtly sacrificing my needs and wants for a guy.
A few months ago a close male friend (who I've loved platonically for 15 years and has recently been going through a divorce) told me he was interested in me. I realized the feeling was mutual, and I tumbled headfirst for a whirlwind month or so, then decided we needed to take a breather. He knows all of my fears and need for my independence. The separation was very hard and hurt him--but it was the right thing to do for us to both grow. And I was able to be very honest about it. We decided almost no contact was necessary due to our deep attraction.
I've missed him as my friend, but the space has been good. Just this past week we ran into each other again and realized we're both in much healthier places. We're tentatively taking it very slowly (the physical chemistry has been very strong, and our emotional bond goes way back in a brotherly way--he stood in my garage hanging a punching bag when my kids were refusing to go with my abusive ex a few years ago, just in case things elevated.)
So while this is a person I could see a future with, I'm not ready to jump into it yet, but also no longer willing to push it away. I believe I'm ready because I'm able to share all of those feelings and fears with him and expect them to be respected. And to keep talking as they evolve.
I still have no desire to meet any more online people.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
sulphuricsplash.....speaking to you as one woman to another....
The chances are that you would do option number one...cling on to him...
Especially, if he says all the things that you long to hear. And...especially if you have low self concept or low self esteem.....
When you say that "nothing ever works out for me".....I hear low self esteem and negative self talk and negative thinking (about yourself).....
Trust me...the opposite sex have invisible antennas (retractable).....they only come out when in the mating mode....
These antennae can "read" the signs, in another, of what they need or are lo oking for....
This is how we are destined to repeat pattern in our life--when we don't even want to!!
You see it all the time...a person will go through hell trying to get one partner out of their life that was bad for them....only.....surprise!....to find themselves I n the same boat, down the road....
This is why we, in recovery circles, "preach" to do self work...to gain greater understanding of urselves and how we got where we are and what our needs are....and, the proper way to take care of ourselves...and, protect our OWN welfare.....
This is why I think it is golden advice to spend two years focused on our own therapy and recovery and learning about ourselves.
If we have been involved with an addict or any kind of abusive relationship that we were stuck in....then it really is imperative......
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
The chances are that you would do option number one...cling on to him...
Especially, if he says all the things that you long to hear. And...especially if you have low self concept or low self esteem.....
When you say that "nothing ever works out for me".....I hear low self esteem and negative self talk and negative thinking (about yourself).....
Trust me...the opposite sex have invisible antennas (retractable).....they only come out when in the mating mode....
These antennae can "read" the signs, in another, of what they need or are lo oking for....
This is how we are destined to repeat pattern in our life--when we don't even want to!!
You see it all the time...a person will go through hell trying to get one partner out of their life that was bad for them....only.....surprise!....to find themselves I n the same boat, down the road....
This is why we, in recovery circles, "preach" to do self work...to gain greater understanding of urselves and how we got where we are and what our needs are....and, the proper way to take care of ourselves...and, protect our OWN welfare.....
This is why I think it is golden advice to spend two years focused on our own therapy and recovery and learning about ourselves.
If we have been involved with an addict or any kind of abusive relationship that we were stuck in....then it really is imperative......
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I plan on dating as soon as I get my finances and home situation under control. Rah(we are not legally married) moved out to "find himself" and left me in a bit of a pickle as I can't afford to live in my house without his contributions any longer and I will need a roommate.
He sounds like he'd like to try to work things out after he has accomplished whatever it is he thinks he needs to do. (Big eye roll) I need to figure out if I might even want him back. I'm still heart broken, but having doubts, and trying to look at this as the end so i can maybe move on.
I have looked on some of the dating sites and there are some very interesting men out there who I might have something in common with! Who would have thought!
He sounds like he'd like to try to work things out after he has accomplished whatever it is he thinks he needs to do. (Big eye roll) I need to figure out if I might even want him back. I'm still heart broken, but having doubts, and trying to look at this as the end so i can maybe move on.
I have looked on some of the dating sites and there are some very interesting men out there who I might have something in common with! Who would have thought!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
HopefulinFLA......it is nice that you feel human stirrings, inside yourself.
However, remember that 50 per cent of what you see on internet sites are lies....made up stuff...out of whole cloth.
Please proceed with an abundance of caution!!
For all of time...until recently...people met in the flesh...
You can still do that.....
Meet up groups are a lot more efficient and safer....in my opinion.....
I'm just saying....
dandylion
However, remember that 50 per cent of what you see on internet sites are lies....made up stuff...out of whole cloth.
Please proceed with an abundance of caution!!
For all of time...until recently...people met in the flesh...
You can still do that.....
Meet up groups are a lot more efficient and safer....in my opinion.....
I'm just saying....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Expanding
I was thinking of joining Match when I felt really really ready, but now I'm nervous lol
I'm actually still friends with 3 of them via FB. Nice guys, there was just no chemistry or whatever.
I found that men on match were more serious than plenty of fish or OKCupid anyway.
don't be afraid of it. Just see it as a big adventure in learning more about yourself and more about what you actually want for YOU. It really helped me weed out the losers and I wound up finding a gem of a man who was looking for the same thing I was.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Pretty quick for me. After the last one I think I dialed in my trusty black book on day 3 of the break up for some super hot bed action, which was exactly what I needed.
I also dated pretty quickly although I was still hung up on what's his name. I enjoyed these dates they were fun. I was NOT looking for a relationship AT ALL - just good times
. I liked being single dating this one and that one A LOT.
I'd say if you aren't looking for a serious relationship then why not?
But here is the deal, if you can't go out and feel like you will have a good time, or feel that you won't end up unloading about your ex (the worst), then just wait.
I know it probably wasn't good timing for new guy to make the comment about tequila, but that's normal to be funny and lighthearted and I hope he isn't an alcoholic (god help) but I make comments like that too.
I also dated pretty quickly although I was still hung up on what's his name. I enjoyed these dates they were fun. I was NOT looking for a relationship AT ALL - just good times
. I liked being single dating this one and that one A LOT. I'd say if you aren't looking for a serious relationship then why not?
But here is the deal, if you can't go out and feel like you will have a good time, or feel that you won't end up unloading about your ex (the worst), then just wait.
I know it probably wasn't good timing for new guy to make the comment about tequila, but that's normal to be funny and lighthearted and I hope he isn't an alcoholic (god help) but I make comments like that too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I met my fella on Plenty of Fish, which is TOTALLY not really a hotbed of people looking for serious relationships. Which is why I started there. I just wanted to get out, and have some fun for once. Nobody was more surprised that we clicked as well as we did, or that he was as willing to be patient and move as slowly as I wanted, or that we would end up still together, almost a year later, in a wonderful relationship.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Never lol.
People are now figuring out that my divorce is about to be finalized, and I am experiencing a freak parade of suitors.
No thanks! Plus, divorce is not finalized yet. I am giving myself 2 years of rest, I may go out for a dinner if there's someone that really strikes my fancy:
People are now figuring out that my divorce is about to be finalized, and I am experiencing a freak parade of suitors.
No thanks! Plus, divorce is not finalized yet. I am giving myself 2 years of rest, I may go out for a dinner if there's someone that really strikes my fancy:
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