Fully No Contact With Family Of Origin
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Bekindalways 
Wow. Just Wow. Life sure can hurl some horrible at us and sounds like you got more than your fair share MI.
Hugs to you and may you feel the spirit of your daughter in times of need.
Hugs to you and may you feel the spirit of your daughter in times of need.
I think sick people want normal people in their life because this somehow minimizes their illness in their own mind. If they have normal friends they must be Normal. At least that is what they try to make themselves believe. As others have said they are just nuts and always will be. I do think it is important to forgive them because all the anger will kill you and do them no harm but forgiveness does not mean you should have anything to do with them. If my ex lived on a Different planet it would be too close for me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 262
Just discovered this thread today - thank you all so much for sharing your experiences as I don't feel so alone in my decision to go no contact with my FOO over a year ago. I finally had enough of being the only relatively sane one in my family who dares talk about the "elephant in the room" & having the tables turned on me like I've dishonored the family by breaking the code of silence. I just couldn't take the craziness anymore as I'm in my fifties and don't want to spend another second in any toxic relationships whether they are family or friends. Both my parents are gone now, I have 2 siblings who are active addicts, also a brother who has major emotional issues. I believe it all stems from being raised by a mother with untreated mental illness & an emotionally absent father. It felt like I got out of jail when I left home at 19! The only regret I have in my life is not moving far away from all of them. As stated above, I know it's important to come to a place of forgiveness & I'm currently working towards that with all of the toxic people who are now out of my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
I used my Spam filter yet again this morning. This time it is an old family friend (88 year old woman total narcissist) who tried to pick a fight with me via e-mail over religion. The lady told me herself a while back that her own daughter goes no-contact with her periodically. I am SO SO glad to not be a part of her family. I consider the Span filter to be an important tool I use in my sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
******Older post, but I'm kicking it*******
I wanted to kick this, in case it helps some of us during a potentially stressful time of year.
I wanted to give you guys an update, also.
I am still N/C with my FOO. In the past few months, I had to close my Yelp account. One cannot block other posters adequately and one of my sisters was using it to do more cyber bullying.
My other sister sent a Christmas card to my home address, which I worked very hard to conceal from my FOO. It had no return address, probably so I would open it out of curiosity.
The biggest truth I have learned about the dynamics in my FOO the past two years, is that they are "good guy/bad guy." From what I read on the blogs, this is universally true of abusers of all kinds.
The battle this year, is attempts by the 88 (now 90) year old former family friend to re-establish contact, including triangulating a mutual friend into delivering messages to me. The 90 year old has left me two messages at my work phone, because I blocked her from my cell two years ago. She is ostensibly calling for my professional services. I have erased her messages and ignored her.
I would appreciate any input from you folks about how to handle the 90 year old narcissist. I am tempted to tell her to F/O. I am watching some videos on YouTube from shrinks who all say it is a bad idea to engage someone like that directly. Do any of you have any input or experiences?
Happy Holidays to you all!!!
I wanted to give you guys an update, also.
I am still N/C with my FOO. In the past few months, I had to close my Yelp account. One cannot block other posters adequately and one of my sisters was using it to do more cyber bullying.
My other sister sent a Christmas card to my home address, which I worked very hard to conceal from my FOO. It had no return address, probably so I would open it out of curiosity.
The biggest truth I have learned about the dynamics in my FOO the past two years, is that they are "good guy/bad guy." From what I read on the blogs, this is universally true of abusers of all kinds.
The battle this year, is attempts by the 88 (now 90) year old former family friend to re-establish contact, including triangulating a mutual friend into delivering messages to me. The 90 year old has left me two messages at my work phone, because I blocked her from my cell two years ago. She is ostensibly calling for my professional services. I have erased her messages and ignored her.
I would appreciate any input from you folks about how to handle the 90 year old narcissist. I am tempted to tell her to F/O. I am watching some videos on YouTube from shrinks who all say it is a bad idea to engage someone like that directly. Do any of you have any input or experiences?
Happy Holidays to you all!!!
Last edited by Eauchiche; 12-27-2018 at 05:57 AM. Reason: age error
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I agree with sparklekitty, continue to ignore the calls. If there is one thing I have learned it is – when you have ignored someone’s 99 calls but decide to answer on the 100th call because you want to tell them off or tell them to stop it’s a guarantee that they will then call you 101 times or more waiting for you to answer once again.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Prayer changes everything. As I voice and find clarity in safe places, I become stronger. Meditation now brings me to having unconditional inner joy and peace -- back into finding my balance and answers for the moment at hand. Things like eating well, taking good care of myself and staying safe are important. As I have good experiences with moving forward, I learn to trust the process of this. 10 healthy people in my life count more to my current well-being than one who has been cut out of my life. This includes six great people who work at my new-favorite restaurant, 5 people I've gotten to know at a fabulous coffee shop I like to go to several times a year, etc. 
Changed perspectives.
My FOO is full of narcissistic behaviors. I have two cousins I'd like to reconnect with someday. I'm trusting the Universe to work this out, with good timing, friendship and great expected surprises.
As I expect good surprises each day, look for them, voice them out loud and have appreciation, I have more faith and fun with life. I learn to more easily deal with attacks when they happen and continually have more skills in doing so. Being blindsided by narcissists and those who buy into their lies is to be under attack. These aren't random attacks like a mugging. I called my DV hotline again yesterday.
I'm finding a flow and rhythm with this. The attacks are serious. They are threats. I can still deal with them and go on to have lightness, fun and goodness in my life. I really don't know how. It's completely beyond me.
Changed perspectives.
My FOO is full of narcissistic behaviors. I have two cousins I'd like to reconnect with someday. I'm trusting the Universe to work this out, with good timing, friendship and great expected surprises.
As I expect good surprises each day, look for them, voice them out loud and have appreciation, I have more faith and fun with life. I learn to more easily deal with attacks when they happen and continually have more skills in doing so. Being blindsided by narcissists and those who buy into their lies is to be under attack. These aren't random attacks like a mugging. I called my DV hotline again yesterday.
I'm finding a flow and rhythm with this. The attacks are serious. They are threats. I can still deal with them and go on to have lightness, fun and goodness in my life. I really don't know how. It's completely beyond me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by atalose
I agree with sparklekitty, continue to ignore the calls. If there is one thing I have learned it is – when you have ignored someone’s 99 calls but decide to answer on the 100th call because you want to tell them off or tell them to stop it’s a guarantee that they will then call you 101 times or more waiting for you to answer once again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
A friend at work and I were discussing this situation in the break room yesterday. She rightly asked why my family would have befriended such a person so many years ago.
In spite of my family's dysfunction, my mother had the sense to ditch this woman in the mid 70s. I am sure her training as a social worker gave her some good tools to do so.
In spite of my family's dysfunction, my mother had the sense to ditch this woman in the mid 70s. I am sure her training as a social worker gave her some good tools to do so.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Here are some things that help me.
Dealing with threats:
>> Direct counterattacks are rarely the answer.
>> Label the threat.
>> Gauge the urgency of the threat.
>> Assess the area. Are you safe?
>> Tell someone who understands and is trustworthy. Make sure that you aren't dealing with this alone.
>> Actions speak louder than words. Disengage from the situation.
>> Each type of abuse is serious. No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason.
>> Privacy and safety are important. It's okay to switch gears, like riding a bike. It's okay to have good, light-hearted places internally and externally. This may take time to develop. Authentic emotions need acknowledging.
>> If it's a direct confrontation a poker face can be very helpful. My response of immediate anger being shown in my face when my mother came to where I work resulted in her upping her attacks. She was looking for a response and received one. It's a learning curve. I had anger. I'm human. I'm finding ways to release anger and let it be transformed.
Seeing past narcissistic masks is a skill many people are gaining.
Dealing with threats:
>> Direct counterattacks are rarely the answer.
>> Label the threat.
>> Gauge the urgency of the threat.
>> Assess the area. Are you safe?
>> Tell someone who understands and is trustworthy. Make sure that you aren't dealing with this alone.
>> Actions speak louder than words. Disengage from the situation.
>> Each type of abuse is serious. No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason.
>> Privacy and safety are important. It's okay to switch gears, like riding a bike. It's okay to have good, light-hearted places internally and externally. This may take time to develop. Authentic emotions need acknowledging.
>> If it's a direct confrontation a poker face can be very helpful. My response of immediate anger being shown in my face when my mother came to where I work resulted in her upping her attacks. She was looking for a response and received one. It's a learning curve. I had anger. I'm human. I'm finding ways to release anger and let it be transformed.
Seeing past narcissistic masks is a skill many people are gaining.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by Mango212
Here are some things that help me.
Dealing with threats:
>> Direct counterattacks are rarely the answer.
>> Label the threat.
>> Gauge the urgency of the threat.
>> Assess the area. Are you safe?
>> Tell someone who understands and is trustworthy. Make sure that you aren't dealing with this alone.
>> Actions speak louder than words. Disengage from the situation.
>> Each type of abuse is serious. No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason.
>> Privacy and safety are important. It's okay to switch gears, like riding a bike. It's okay to have good, light-hearted places internally and externally. This may take time to develop. Authentic emotions need acknowledging.
>> If it's a direct confrontation a poker face can be very helpful. My response of immediate anger being shown in my face when my mother came to where I work resulted in her upping her attacks. She was looking for a response and received one. It's a learning curve. I had anger. I'm human. I'm finding ways to release anger and let it be transformed.
Seeing past narcissistic masks is a skill many people are gaining.
Dealing with threats:
>> Direct counterattacks are rarely the answer.
>> Label the threat.
>> Gauge the urgency of the threat.
>> Assess the area. Are you safe?
>> Tell someone who understands and is trustworthy. Make sure that you aren't dealing with this alone.
>> Actions speak louder than words. Disengage from the situation.
>> Each type of abuse is serious. No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason.
>> Privacy and safety are important. It's okay to switch gears, like riding a bike. It's okay to have good, light-hearted places internally and externally. This may take time to develop. Authentic emotions need acknowledging.
>> If it's a direct confrontation a poker face can be very helpful. My response of immediate anger being shown in my face when my mother came to where I work resulted in her upping her attacks. She was looking for a response and received one. It's a learning curve. I had anger. I'm human. I'm finding ways to release anger and let it be transformed.
Seeing past narcissistic masks is a skill many people are gaining.
Thanks, Mango. This is very helpful.
I guess I am making some headway. The last major attack from my sisters last January landed me in bed for two days with flu-like symptoms. Nothing like that this time, thank God.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
