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Plot Twist! I sure know how to pick 'em

Old 07-26-2016, 09:18 AM
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Plot Twist! I sure know how to pick 'em

You can't make this stuff up. I posted over the weekend about a guy I've been seeing for a while, we got in a big argument about him yelling at his son, and I think I actually wrote that he is not (nor ever was) an addict.

Fool me once...

Some of his behaviors were red flags to me...textbook addictive behaviors...that I thought were just because he grew up in a very dysfunctional home. After I left there on Friday, I saw on fb that his ex was at his place over the weekend. At that point I was FINALLY completely done with him in my heart and in my brain. We did not talk until yesterday, when he called and texted me until I finally responded.

He was verbally abusive and told me he wanted some sleeping pills that I had (my Rx) and that I stole them from him (!!!!). He got more and more belligerent and kept saying cruel things to me. I did not get angry, all I could think was, another addict. Quack quack quack.

It hurts me that I allowed myself to trust someone that did not deserve it. I have a lot of work to do.
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Old 07-26-2016, 09:25 AM
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Quacking indeed!
Don't be hurt that you "picked another addict", be PROUD that you saw it so soon!
Sounds like some recovery to me!
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Old 07-26-2016, 09:49 AM
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As we all know, addicts can be sly and cunning. They are not always easy to spot. Keep working on you!
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Old 07-26-2016, 10:25 AM
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I had to go to Alanon to break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships. Otherwise I would have kept picking the same guy over and over. It works and I recommend it.
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Old 07-26-2016, 10:32 AM
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TimeForMe look at how far you have COME!

You said no way and are done! I'd say that's major progress indeed!
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Old 07-26-2016, 04:51 PM
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Good for you for getting out of that one before it got any further.

Be extra good to yourself and keep working your recovery!
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Old 07-26-2016, 11:46 PM
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Good work on spotting it so quickly. Progress.
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Old 07-27-2016, 03:50 AM
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Anyone can wind up in a relationship with someone who turns out to have issues. You spotted them and got out while the gettin' was good.

Good for YOU.
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:19 AM
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Good for you for seeing and facing the problem head on. People don't reveal themselves right away while dating. Little things will slip out as you move forward. As I see it, you didn't see an addict right away but it revealed itself to you slowly through dysfunctional behaviors and then an abusive attitude.

I was very cautious when I started dating because I swore that everyone was an addict, lol. A guy could have a cat instead of a dog and I would see that as a red flag. I was on hyper alert but I very quickly realized that I wasn't doing myself any favors because i was still living on the edge and waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of opening my heart to the possibility of a better romantic relationship.

You'll keep learning and growing. Hugs to you!
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:23 AM
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Thanks, everyone. I just feel really used and manipulated. This guy was very aware of my history with STBXAH. I feel like I should have known better.

Last night, I blocked him on FB because it was causing me a lot of anxiety and I kept wanting to look. So I blocked him and his ex ( I saw she was posting from there yesterday), and I feel much better about it.

Then at midnight, I get a text from him. All it said was "F*** you". I didn't reply.

True colors always come out I guess.
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:31 AM
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Move forward....we are all going to hit bumps along the way, this was just one. Call a spade a spade and move forward to greener pastures. Each time you are forced to acknowledge these red flags is more education for yourself in the future!
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:37 AM
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WOW TimeForMe, that text was really uncalled for...

I've been receiving some of those as well and I feel they are looking for a reaction. It still breaks my heart that these people are so starved for attention that they'll take anything, even negative attention. Probably why I would respond! Hooray compassion?

Good for you for blocking them on social media. Sounds like you are making all the right choices and taking care of you first
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:55 AM
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Yep, Expanding, those kind of texts are sad. I'm sure he was looking for me to engage. Just more quack quack quacking to ignore.

The older I get, the more complicated life gets. Shouldn't it get easier at some point, in even some small way?
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:06 AM
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Can you block him from your phone too? That's what I had to do, and it did wonders!
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:58 AM
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Firebolt -

I considered blocking him from my phone but right now, I think I would rather know if I need to worry about him trying to find me if he can't get a hold of me. I don't think he'd do that but obviously I didn't know a lot about him.

He texted and called today saying there was an emergency. Of course I didn't call (QUACK QUACK) but I texted and now he wants to meet for coffee. NO THANKS!! Nothing like a coffee emergency.
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Old 07-27-2016, 09:24 AM
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Haha - I won't even wave to XABF in traffic...Not even a smile ....because I think that will make him feel like a door is open to contact me.

They say in here "give them a hand and they'll take an arm." Yep - every time.

Good for you, your resolve is inspiring!
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