Rajashree81

Hi, am 35 yr old home maker who is being abused by my husband, who is an alcoholic. Couple of nights back my husband came home late after drinking. He feels guilt for drinking too much.... tries making up by talking fun things. Then things get a lil serious when he says he can't reach me during an emergency, as my mobile network isn't good. He asks for a solution and I say all networks are the same these days. He gets all aggressive and says" give me a solution" I go blank. he starts verbally abusing me. I just make a few retorts turn my back and go back to sleep. The next thing I know I have shooting pain in my back..... my husband had just kicked me in the back....... I go numb for a few seconds.... I was terrified... my son is sleeping just a few feet away from me.... he was about to do it again, when I shouted at him to get lost and not hurt me physically... I just thanked my lucky stars that something got through to him at that moment and he just walked away. There were times when he has trashed me for questioning him about his drinking. I just avoid questioning him these days. The other day I caught him watching a video, whr a man was physically beating his girlfriend. I don't even know if I know the man who is my husband today.... he never helps me with my son. I take care of all my son's needs. He just takes son out once in a while.... the worst part is my son is so attached to him. He wants him all the time. I really don't know what to do....

entropy1964

Oh my gosh Raj that's awful.

Obviously you must protect yourself and your son. I would google abuse assistance for women in your area and get some guidance. You could probably call the police dept and ask them for guidance if the google searching doesn't yield the desired results. If you have bruises on your back take photos.

Al anon is also a good place for support and guidance. I'm sure others have been in your shoes. Do you have family in the area?

Soberwolf

Im really sorry for what brings you here Rajashree is there any family you can stay with

you have found a really kind anonymous supportive online community here

If you feel in danger know your not alone and there is women here who can give you excellent advice here x

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

biminiblue

Please contact a Domestic Violence hotline today. They will help you make a plan for your safety.

This is a deal-breaker. The only solution for you and your child is a safe escape.

Click this link, it is a How-To-Leave thread from the Friends and Family side of this forum. There are many resources linked for you to get help. Please do it today before it turns tragic.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...how-leave.html

((big hug))

Opivotal

I agree with biminiblue, what your husband did is a deal breaker. There is never a time when physical and verbal abuse are acceptable, under any circumstances.

Please take your son and leave if you can. If you don't want to leave, please report this to the police and get a restraining order. Who knows what will happen the next time, will he lose it and hurt your son?

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

amy55

This is abuse, and you do not deserve it, and you did nothing to cause this.

Are you in the US? If not, can you tell us what country so that we can base our responses more to the area you live in?

((((((hugs))))))
amy

cairn

Bail. Absolutely buckle kid in the car and drive. Got a car??? Do NOT get caught packing and do NOT let on, don't say a word as you make your getaway plan. Just be agreeable.

If you feel you cannot pull this off then arrange police accompaniment to collect what you need. Or tell the neighbors - maybe six or seven local husbands can come accompany you if packing junk really is an issue. I don't know what domestic hotlines offer but wouldn't get caught on the phone with them from home right now. Surely they have tonnes of experience, like evidence etc. so you have a case for protection if needed down the road. There are shelters all over meantime.

Life is *easy* to remake elsewhere i have done it loads of times.

Just leave. You owe nothing. Worry over details after you get several hundred miles away or better. Good girl for reaching out!

Then change credit cards and all that after you can think straight.

How old is the boy?

theuncertainty

Rajashree, so much of your post is familiar. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with that. Nothing you do (or don't do) warrants being treated that way. One thing that took me a while to realize with AXH was that his abuse had nothing to do with his drinking. Oh, it provided a convenient excuse for him to act however he wanted, but he's not abusive _because_ he drinks. In fact, some of the worst things he did were done when he was 'sober'. (i.e. hadn't had a drink in a while)

It was so incredibly brave of you to reach out and tell others what you're going through. I hope you know that: You are brave!

It's hard... DS adored his father, too. But there were a lot of times he was afraid of him, also. He was 1-1/2 maybe 2 when I left AXH for the first time after he was born. He was 3 when I left for good; 6 when I filed for divorce. So I understand how hard it is to contemplate what to do.

I contacted the local DV center for help about a year or a year and a half after I left him. If it'll help you to know: they don't pressure you to leave, they don't tell you that you must do *this*. They're there to help you decide how to proceed and to give you the information and resources to do that. If you need to stay, they'll help you safety plan to keep you and your son safe. If you decide you're ready to leave, they can help you plan getting out and getting set up. Often, they offer group meetings provide that additional support and information, and can point you to counselors or other services. Their websites will offer advice on how to contact them safely.

Is there anything in particular you want to talk about? How can we help you? Will it help to talk more? If you want to provide information about the general area you're in, we might be able to point you to resources in your area. Sending gentle hugs, if OK.

LexieCat

I have worked professionally in the domestic violence field for a very long time, and I'd like to second EVERYTHING theuncertainty said above. It is excellent advice and very accurate.

There is help for you, and that help can be at the right pace for you. Please reach out to those professionals. They can give you back your hope.