Recovering alcoholic girlfriend
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Great idea. I will tell him to talk to his sponsor.
My thought: stay out of it. You really shouldn't be telling him what to do. He has a right to make his own choices. Maybe he doesn't WANT to give up what he's doing with her.
My thought: stay out of it. You really shouldn't be telling him what to do. He has a right to make his own choices. Maybe he doesn't WANT to give up what he's doing with her.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by dandylion 
picturegirl.....I delicately propose that it might go better if you suggest rather than "tell"......
"Suggest" sounds less bossy or controlling.......
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
"Suggest" sounds less bossy or controlling.......
I'm just saying.....
dandylion
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
The reality is that this makes you uncomfortable but at the same time this is one of those things that he needs to be able to figure out for himself... because the other reality is that you can't police his recovery in this way or you'll go crazy. It's not yours to manage.
In my personal opinion, there's a good reason for same-sex sponsor/sponsee relationships in AA & Al Anon. I also highly doubt that someone with less than 6 months of recovery under their belt is ready to act in a sponsor-like role for ANYONE, but there's no hard & fast rule about it. At this point he's still in early recovery & is likely best served worrying about his OWN recovery needs & efforts. For my RAH, having someone else to focus on in his early recovery would have kept him from focusing his own issues. (That's not to say that he ignored others when they called needing a shoulder - he just listened & directed them back to the program & their sponsors.)
In my personal opinion, there's a good reason for same-sex sponsor/sponsee relationships in AA & Al Anon. I also highly doubt that someone with less than 6 months of recovery under their belt is ready to act in a sponsor-like role for ANYONE, but there's no hard & fast rule about it. At this point he's still in early recovery & is likely best served worrying about his OWN recovery needs & efforts. For my RAH, having someone else to focus on in his early recovery would have kept him from focusing his own issues. (That's not to say that he ignored others when they called needing a shoulder - he just listened & directed them back to the program & their sponsors.)
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by FireSprite
The reality is that this makes you uncomfortable but at the same time this is one of those things that he needs to be able to figure out for himself... because the other reality is that you can't police his recovery in this way or you'll go crazy. It's not yours to manage.
In my personal opinion, there's a good reason for same-sex sponsor/sponsee relationships in AA & Al Anon. I also highly doubt that someone with less than 6 months of recovery under their belt is ready to act in a sponsor-like role for ANYONE, but there's no hard & fast rule about it. At this point he's still in early recovery & is likely best served worrying about his OWN recovery needs & efforts. For my RAH, having someone else to focus on in his early recovery would have kept him from focusing his own issues. (That's not to say that he ignored others when they called needing a shoulder - he just listened & directed them back to the program & their sponsors.)
In my personal opinion, there's a good reason for same-sex sponsor/sponsee relationships in AA & Al Anon. I also highly doubt that someone with less than 6 months of recovery under their belt is ready to act in a sponsor-like role for ANYONE, but there's no hard & fast rule about it. At this point he's still in early recovery & is likely best served worrying about his OWN recovery needs & efforts. For my RAH, having someone else to focus on in his early recovery would have kept him from focusing his own issues. (That's not to say that he ignored others when they called needing a shoulder - he just listened & directed them back to the program & their sponsors.)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Well, you can't measure his progress based on the number of steps completed - recovery just doesn't work that way, it's not a linear, straight-forward path. Be careful of throwing around all those "shoulds"..... *I* hear a lot of judgment in them.
How about you picturegirl? What do you do to help you manage being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic? What are you doing to help keep to your side of the street in this relationship?
How about you picturegirl? What do you do to help you manage being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic? What are you doing to help keep to your side of the street in this relationship?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
If I am reading your posts correctly, you re-connected with someone you used to date in high school who was known to you as an alcoholic who didn’t have a pot to pee in, an ex-wife and some children he doesn’t talk to and you went ahead full speed into this relationship– regardless of all of those big red flags??? Are you attending al-anon? Or counseling for codependency?
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by picturegirl81
He should put effort in re establishing those relationships.
honestly, im reading YOU took a hostage and YOUR hostage isn't meeting your ransoms and demands.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I agree that you would get a lot of benefit from attending some Alanon meetings. It would also give you a chance to connect with the spouses and partners of others in recovery and hear how they navigated their relationships during early sobriety and beyond.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by FireSprite
Well, you can't measure his progress based on the number of steps completed - recovery just doesn't work that way, it's not a linear, straight-forward path. Be careful of throwing around all those "shoulds"..... *I* hear a lot of judgment in them.
How about you picturegirl? What do you do to help you manage being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic? What are you doing to help keep to your side of the street in this relationship?
How about you picturegirl? What do you do to help you manage being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic? What are you doing to help keep to your side of the street in this relationship?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by atalose
If I am reading your posts correctly, you re-connected with someone you used to date in high school who was known to you as an alcoholic who didn’t have a pot to pee in, an ex-wife and some children he doesn’t talk to and you went ahead full speed into this relationship– regardless of all of those big red flags??? Are you attending al-anon? Or counseling for codependency?
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by atalose
If I am reading your posts correctly, you re-connected with someone you used to date in high school who was known to you as an alcoholic who didn’t have a pot to pee in, an ex-wife and some children he doesn’t talk to and you went ahead full speed into this relationship– regardless of all of those big red flags??? Are you attending al-anon? Or counseling for codependency?
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
He’s showing more red flags with his attachment/addiction to this new woman friend of his in AA where he’s only been for less than 6 months himself.
You are jealous of this woman and he doesn’t care because that’s how alcoholics are especially this early in his sobriety.
Showing him the comments on here is taking away YOUR chance at your own recovery while you are attempting to control him and his recovery.
Why is it not enough for you to see that he’s not putting your feelings above this new stranger and that you MUST show him what some other people (us) think about it??
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by picturegirl81
I am a non drinker. Never drank in my life. No interest.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by picturegirl81
I am a non drinker. Never drank in my life. No interest.
I am aware of addiction. My son will be three years sober in September from Heroin. He overdosed and almost lost his life. Not sure what so do? Very confused.
We often have just as many, but different, dysfunctional habits & patterns. I was a child of an alcoholic & I grew up learning a lot of the "wrong" ways of going about all of this until I found myself seeking support in dealing with my alcoholic spouse, decades later. Now I'm learning this stuff all over again, with new eyes & ears & labels.
So, when you say you are "aware" of addiction, what does that mean? Are you also aware of codependency & how difficult it can be to recognize? I hear a lot of red flags in your posts that lead me to believe this is all new to you so I hope you stick around - there is SO much experience & wisdom shared here at SR.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by honeypig
I don't see where anyone has said that you are or were a drinker, picturegirl....what are you responding to here? Did I miss something in the post you quoted?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Jacksonville fl
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Originally Posted by atalose
You have no interest in what?
I never said you drank I only suggested al-anon which is a program for friends/loved ones of alcoholics.
I never said you drank I only suggested al-anon which is a program for friends/loved ones of alcoholics.
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