Dodge31

My exab is still keeping up the games all the usual ********. I have kept contact to little as possible by phone only because of the Child we have. I never see him in person neither does our child. Can I just pull the plug on that too? As I'm really sick of having to listen to it. Bearing in mind he has moved on with another woman.

LexieCat

That's something you should take up with your lawyer. It's really a legal matter whether you "can" or not.

Dodge31

Okay thank you. I've just had enough of it all....

Mountainmanbob

Best if you can get it court approved?
MB

Dodge31

I think that may cost me money. I've tried to find a third party not even his parents want to get involved. I'm having to deal with how it's my fault he's moved on and other things that have nothing to do with our child.

Dodge31

I will add it's also at silly o clock in the morning, as he can't text while with his girlfriend and I have to keep my phone on for other reasons.

AnvilheadII

is he contacting you ABOUT the child?
is there a court order in place that grants him custody or visitation with the child?

if the answer is NO to both, then block him. if it's middle of the night texts, its just harrassement. you can also config his number on your phone to silent and not have to be bothered.

Thumper

Email was the only workable solution for me. In hindsight I wish I'd have set up a separate email account that only he used.

I only responded to child related questions. I ignored everything else. If there was no question - I provided no response. I answered the question - waited and re-wrote it taking out all the extra words before sending. If the question was not reasonable but rather part of a crazy rant or blaming flaming pile of bs I just ignored it.

My days of explaining, defending, and reasoning had come to an end and I was better off for it. It was crazy making. He could be crazy all by himself.

Kata

I agree 100% with Anvil. What you can and cannot do will be dictated by the custody agreement.

However, even if custody agreement states that he is allowed to contact you or your child, I would bet my life that it doesn't state that you have to answer the minute he texts or that you have to respond in the middle of the night.

The fact that he can't text you while around his girlfriend isn't your problem. HIS girlfriend, HIS problem.

Also, if he is allowed contact, I'm fairly certain that it doesn't have to be phone. As Thumper suggested, you could set up a separate email account that only he uses and tell him that you will only deal with him through email. If he texts, you don't answer.

And as Anvil said, you can set up your phone so texts for him are silent.

Tangled34

If there is no custody order in place do not answer him... If he really wants to see and speak to his child let him get the legal advice in relation to contact and access etc. I'll bet he won't be advised to contact you at stupid o'clock then.

redatlanta

So you have a custody agreement?

Yoga

Are you eligible for legal aid?

FeelingGreat

Dodge, what do you think a reasonable person would accept? Only contact directly relating to your child, within normal waking hours, non-abusive, not repeated etc.
If you have a court mandated agreement, stick to that. If not, stick to what is reasonable.
Communicate with him about your rules, then stick to them religiously. Set your phone to silent for him when you go to bed. No exceptions.

Dodge31

Sorry for the Delay...no there is nothing set in stone by the courts or anything. But what I have done is got myself another phone. Just for contact.

atalose

Does he visit with this child?

Dodge31

Not for well over 6 months or so.

redatlanta

I take it you aren't interested in child support?

I don't see any issues with you cutting the cord here. Although states vary in law most would require him petitioning the court to legitimize paternity, and establish custody arrangements.

Dodge31

He doesn't work so there would be nothing to take. I was advised being as he's on the birth certificate he has the right to ask about our child and I have to tell him? I'm in the U.K

AnvilheadII

you don't have to answer every time he calls, the second he calls.

is he actually asking ABOUT the child?

Dodge31

To be honest he's using it to get to talk to me or try too. And times its about our child. Hence why I have purchased a new phone that is only for him. My other one I have blocked him on. But sometimes I take the bait with him when he quacks.