HHTexas

Divorce should be final very shortly. Going to be a default probably because he's done nothing.

He does, however, continue to claim I'm "keeping DS away from him."

I've done everything but offer to pay him (jk) to come see his own child. Ive offered to meet him at the park or McDonald's or anywhere for a playdate. He has said he would think about it twice and then backed out. Never calls, nada. To outsiders, pretty bizarre stuff (he was pretty close to DS, who's 2) but you folks know better

So now, he likes to periodically send me you tube videos expressing his feelings about how i dont allow him to see his kid (sigh) and I'm a goober and briefly open it up. And then it upsets me a little. I don't care about him (ship has sailed... to the Bermuda triangle) but I care about DS so mind blowingly much. He's my everythung.

Honestly, there just isn't any loving feeling. My life is AMAZING right now. I have great friends, a fulfilling job that keeps the electric on and a supportive family. I feel FREEEEEE!

How can I let him not jerk my chain?

Btw- divorce states visitation "as agreed" due to sons age. STBX isn't fighting anything or even hiring an attorney.

maia1234

HH,
You have many more years of dealing with mr. hh. Stand your ground, less contact his best. Cut out the you tube videos, dont watch them. My old faithful is:

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be, at this moment.

Hugs my friend, the most important thing to you on this earth is keeping baby hh safe!! You are a GOOD mom!!

LexieCat

Yeah, stop looking. If he sends an email, glance briefly to see whether it's anything you need to know (I'm requesting an extension of time to respond, I'd like to stop by for a visit next week), and then file it. I recommend not deleting, simply because you might need them as evidence someday, but create a "Junk from Ex" file and throw it in there, and don't look at it again unless something requires you to. Don't open attachments or look at videos. You already know it's something intended to push your buttons.

hopeful4

Just document that you have offered to let him see the child. I would not worry about anything else. Have someone else open his communications if need be and filter them out for you. You only see what you need to.

Keep on moving forward and enjoying life, you deserve that!

Liveitwell

I second everything said above...so he blamed you for his actions during your marriage and you expected that to suddenly change?! This is pretty much par for the course when divorcing a mentally unstable person. You know he's just going to try and push your buttons and blame you-don't accept it ! File it away for the future and move forward. You are a good momma and I wish you a blessed day.

Wisconsin

I'm sorry he continues to try to get under your skin, HH. But THIS is the funniest thing I've ready all day.

Liveitwell

^ W....I second that! It's funny but sad it is so accurate.

FireSprite

I agree, watching the videos is engaging. Think of it as electronic quacking, lol. He's sending them specifically TO rile you up but you don't have to - instead of "dropping the rope", just don't pick it up at all.

FWIW - my sister has gone through this same thing with her ex for years. It's gone on for about 13 years & at first it was very dramatic in ways like you describe; she was 3 when it all began. It has taken sis & niece a long time to adjust to his abandonment & was harder again when he remarried and went on to have 3 MORE girls. (Sis had no interest in a relationship, but watching your kid hurt like that is hard.)

In my honest opinion, the best gift you can give your son is your own recovery. Sis is very resistant to all of that & while the whole situation is awful, there are definitely times when they both could have/would have benefitted from a different perspective. Especially now, at 16.

Sounds like you are doing GREAT!

HHTexas

Thank you all. Just want to be done. He called me cold hearted this morning when I offered to send a notary out to get him to sign the papers. "What's the hurry" (as I get no support and continue to pay for his car insurance like I'm legally obliged to do). Sigh. Should have served on day 1. Serves me right for being nice.....

hopeful4

My X got so mad when I wanted to hurry. I just wanted to get it over with. Ugh.

Liveitwell

^ you won't get any credit for being nice to Guys like this. Trust me on that.

Praying

Lol, mine didn't understand my "hurry" to sign the papers while he was both high and lounging in his lover's arms...
"it's as if you want nothing to do with me anymore"...

Yep.