The Tuesday cycle
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The Tuesday cycle
Hello all,
As I mentionned earlier, Tuesdays are the nights the XABF favours for getting drunk and crazy. Not that he doesn't get drunk on other nights or drinks everyday, but he seems to like Tuesdays for getting drunk blaming me for all of his problems. And by Wednesday around 11am, it seems to be his favorite time to indulge in sucking up.
As I said, last night he realized that he could call me from another number... Which he did. I promptly hung up and blocked the number, but he found a way to message me on Google chat... It's an oversight on my part, I had forgotten to block him as he never used it.
Anyway, it seems he's reached a new height in sucking up. When I got back from my Dr appointement around noon, there was a bag on the door. The bag contained marzipan and a note from him. The note said: I wanted to give you your Easter chocolate even if it's a bit late, but couldn'd find what I was looking for, so I got you this instead. I love you and I really want to change. I don't want to verbally abuse you anymore. I want to go to couple's therapy.
Yes folks, I got candy and an offer for couple's therapy...
On the up side, the candy was delicious!
As I mentionned earlier, Tuesdays are the nights the XABF favours for getting drunk and crazy. Not that he doesn't get drunk on other nights or drinks everyday, but he seems to like Tuesdays for getting drunk blaming me for all of his problems. And by Wednesday around 11am, it seems to be his favorite time to indulge in sucking up.
As I said, last night he realized that he could call me from another number... Which he did. I promptly hung up and blocked the number, but he found a way to message me on Google chat... It's an oversight on my part, I had forgotten to block him as he never used it.
Anyway, it seems he's reached a new height in sucking up. When I got back from my Dr appointement around noon, there was a bag on the door. The bag contained marzipan and a note from him. The note said: I wanted to give you your Easter chocolate even if it's a bit late, but couldn'd find what I was looking for, so I got you this instead. I love you and I really want to change. I don't want to verbally abuse you anymore. I want to go to couple's therapy.
Yes folks, I got candy and an offer for couple's therapy...
On the up side, the candy was delicious!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Oh, I am walking away.
It's a good thing I read about abuse. Because now I know that abuse and couple's therapy is a big no-no.
Anyways, he may say he's changed, that he understands bow, bit from his messages last night, he doesn't. Apparently, I'm as much to blame as he is.
'Cause you see, he's never been abusive to anyone else (my a$$), and if he says means things, it's because I push him too.
Had it been a punch instead of words, I guess je would still say it's half my fault.
Yup, walking away... Bet hey, at least it's wit my belly full of delicious marzipan!
It's a good thing I read about abuse. Because now I know that abuse and couple's therapy is a big no-no.
Anyways, he may say he's changed, that he understands bow, bit from his messages last night, he doesn't. Apparently, I'm as much to blame as he is.
'Cause you see, he's never been abusive to anyone else (my a$$), and if he says means things, it's because I push him too.
Had it been a punch instead of words, I guess je would still say it's half my fault.
Yup, walking away... Bet hey, at least it's wit my belly full of delicious marzipan!
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Yep-kata! My then husband told me the same things....he didbt treat anyone else that way so it must be my fault. Hmm...maybe it was his entitled views of women and I got treated that way bc I married him-I was his wife so I got treated worse than any other woman had. Lucky me!
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FOG, I'm going to go with "entitled views of women" for 500$ !
He seems to forget that he's that way with his mother, and I remember him being flabergasted that his ex had told him he was a manipulator! But yeah, it's just me!
Healthyagain: Oh yes, I'm enjoying it very much!
He seems to forget that he's that way with his mother, and I remember him being flabergasted that his ex had told him he was a manipulator! But yeah, it's just me!
Healthyagain: Oh yes, I'm enjoying it very much!
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^ yep...my exs ex dumped him bc he was such an ass to her after one of her students died-he basically told her to shut up and get over it. Uh huh. I'd run away too!!! Only I didn't, so that is why I got treated that way-only bc I stayed with him. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else bc his views of women deep down are totally fudged up.
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Yup, Fudged up is a very nice way to put it...
Sometimes I think it must me so easy to live in their world, so easy to never be the one to blame, never accept any responsibility...
But hey, I much prefer to be a well-adjusted person.
Sometimes I think it must me so easy to live in their world, so easy to never be the one to blame, never accept any responsibility...
But hey, I much prefer to be a well-adjusted person.
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You know Kata, a part of me is envious of you because you still have the chance to interact with your A and confirm again and again that it is best not to be with him. I havenīt heard anything from my XABf in about three weeks, itīs like he completely disappeared once he understood that I wouldnīt be participating in his denial anymore nor enabling him.
Though logically I know itīs best for me not to have any new contact with him, I find it hard at times not to feel rejected. And yes, then the doubts set in, things like did I do the right thing, shouldnīt I have been a bit more understanding? etc. And then I feel angry again because it is so unfair, I didnīt do anything to him, he did!
At least when I was dealing with his BS I could see things more clearly...
Though logically I know itīs best for me not to have any new contact with him, I find it hard at times not to feel rejected. And yes, then the doubts set in, things like did I do the right thing, shouldnīt I have been a bit more understanding? etc. And then I feel angry again because it is so unfair, I didnīt do anything to him, he did!
At least when I was dealing with his BS I could see things more clearly...
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Bluelily, I assure you, you got the better end of the deal!!!
I get your point about rejection. But today, I'd take that over the what ifs of "you know, he does want to go to couple therapy, it's a big step".
I know it's bull$hit, but the what ifs are very much not fun
I get your point about rejection. But today, I'd take that over the what ifs of "you know, he does want to go to couple therapy, it's a big step".
I know it's bull$hit, but the what ifs are very much not fun
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Ahhh, yes, I can imagine the torture of What ifs... not nice!
In the end I figured XABf is keeping silent because he is angry at me for getting out of his abuse-dance... it mustīve been a bit of a surprise for him that his usual MO didnīt work. Before we became involved he was married for 4 years with a much younger woman, I can imagine how he tortured her. Towards the end of our relationship he told me (without thinking about it) that she had filed a report on DV, supposedly because he ran his car through the gate but I suspect it mustīve been something more serious. The next day she withdrew it after he apologized.
He mustīve been completely unaware when he told me this, mustīve thought I was so enmeshed with him I would take his side or something... and I probably wouldīve if I had been much younger... so thereīs at least one advantage of being a bit older and experienced, I guess.
In the end I figured XABf is keeping silent because he is angry at me for getting out of his abuse-dance... it mustīve been a bit of a surprise for him that his usual MO didnīt work. Before we became involved he was married for 4 years with a much younger woman, I can imagine how he tortured her. Towards the end of our relationship he told me (without thinking about it) that she had filed a report on DV, supposedly because he ran his car through the gate but I suspect it mustīve been something more serious. The next day she withdrew it after he apologized.
He mustīve been completely unaware when he told me this, mustīve thought I was so enmeshed with him I would take his side or something... and I probably wouldīve if I had been much younger... so thereīs at least one advantage of being a bit older and experienced, I guess.
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
I would tell him that if he tries to contact you in any way you'll get a restraining order.
I could tell him that. However, he knows very well that it wouldn't happen.
Not that I wouldn't try to get one, but that it wouldn't work. Restraining orders aren't granted easily, especially when there is no physical violence.
The only thing I can do is call the police to have him remove from my property if he comes over, rings the doorbell and refuses to leave.
I think telling him I will get a RO is he contacts me again and be unable to have one granted would only send the message that he's free to do as he please.
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