Child visitation- how does it work
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: california
Posts: 103
Child visitation- how does it work
I am beginning to understand that I can't change husband's drinking. I have trouble moving on because the idea of shared custody scares me. However I know now that this will only get worse if I don't so something.
How does it work? Separating and visitation? Especially with him drinking. I imagine I can find a way to support my daughter and myself. But I have little money for a lawyer or such. He is a good father and she adores him. I don't want to make things horrible for any of us. But how do I start this process of separating and what options are there for visitation?
On a side note my in laws have been so financially supportive yet enabling. Recently my father in law reached out to me with understanding my situation. However he wants to keep it "our secret" and I just feel weird about it. He wants to discuss things but without anyone knowing. It spooks me. More secrets. I don't know if I am being crazy but I feel like I don't want to discuss with him. His folks have been very involved in our finances and such. And I feel a sense of control. What place do his parents have in all this? Do I let them know he is drinking and leave it at that?
How does it work? Separating and visitation? Especially with him drinking. I imagine I can find a way to support my daughter and myself. But I have little money for a lawyer or such. He is a good father and she adores him. I don't want to make things horrible for any of us. But how do I start this process of separating and what options are there for visitation?
On a side note my in laws have been so financially supportive yet enabling. Recently my father in law reached out to me with understanding my situation. However he wants to keep it "our secret" and I just feel weird about it. He wants to discuss things but without anyone knowing. It spooks me. More secrets. I don't know if I am being crazy but I feel like I don't want to discuss with him. His folks have been very involved in our finances and such. And I feel a sense of control. What place do his parents have in all this? Do I let them know he is drinking and leave it at that?
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Amber))
Hate so much that you are going through this - if you will read many of the post here - the sad trend that you will notice is that many of the A's (men & women) once separated from the family often after a few months start to ease off on the visitation of the children.
The responsibility & effort to remain sober is more than they are willing to do at this time ~ that is unless it is the few that do make the choice to change their lives for the better.
Those that continue down the unhealthy path usually don't have much to do with their children at all ~ most make a big fuss of joint custody, visitation and parental rights and then after a few months the disease takes full control of their lives & sadly their are unable to meet those obligations.
This is not always the case - but more times than not.
Please do what you feel is healthiest for you & your child - You both deserve it.
Hate so much that you are going through this - if you will read many of the post here - the sad trend that you will notice is that many of the A's (men & women) once separated from the family often after a few months start to ease off on the visitation of the children.
The responsibility & effort to remain sober is more than they are willing to do at this time ~ that is unless it is the few that do make the choice to change their lives for the better.
Those that continue down the unhealthy path usually don't have much to do with their children at all ~ most make a big fuss of joint custody, visitation and parental rights and then after a few months the disease takes full control of their lives & sadly their are unable to meet those obligations.
This is not always the case - but more times than not.
Please do what you feel is healthiest for you & your child - You both deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Amber23 
I am beginning to understand that I can't change husband's drinking. I have trouble moving on because the idea of shared custody scares me. However I know now that this will only get worse if I don't so something.
How does it work? Separating and visitation? Especially with him drinking. I imagine I can find a way to support my daughter and myself. But I have little money for a lawyer or such. He is a good father and she adores him. I don't want to make things horrible for any of us. But how do I start this process of separating and what options are there for visitation?
On a side note my in laws have been so financially supportive yet enabling. Recently my father in law reached out to me with understanding my situation. However he wants to keep it "our secret" and I just feel weird about it. He wants to discuss things but without anyone knowing. It spooks me. More secrets. I don't know if I am being crazy but I feel like I don't want to discuss with him. His folks have been very involved in our finances and such. And I feel a sense of control. What place do his parents have in all this? Do I let them know he is drinking and leave it at that?
How does it work? Separating and visitation? Especially with him drinking. I imagine I can find a way to support my daughter and myself. But I have little money for a lawyer or such. He is a good father and she adores him. I don't want to make things horrible for any of us. But how do I start this process of separating and what options are there for visitation?
On a side note my in laws have been so financially supportive yet enabling. Recently my father in law reached out to me with understanding my situation. However he wants to keep it "our secret" and I just feel weird about it. He wants to discuss things but without anyone knowing. It spooks me. More secrets. I don't know if I am being crazy but I feel like I don't want to discuss with him. His folks have been very involved in our finances and such. And I feel a sense of control. What place do his parents have in all this? Do I let them know he is drinking and leave it at that?
I highly recommend an attorney, ask around. You should be able to find one that will take monthly payments. I don't trust people who try to bribe me. Please seek legal advice.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The only way to get the information you seek is from a lawyer. Talk to one--or several. Most initial consultations are free. You want someone with some experience dealing with custody/visitation when a parent has a substance abuse problem.
A lawyer will be able to tell you what is likely to "fly" in your jurisdiction, how various judges view/handle it. Once you find out what's realistic, you might be able to work something out with your husband.
A lawyer will be able to tell you what is likely to "fly" in your jurisdiction, how various judges view/handle it. Once you find out what's realistic, you might be able to work something out with your husband.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
