Hope2016

Hi not posted before . I feel sometimes that I have come so far but other times I'm right back in the alcoholic insanity . I was married to an alcoholic for 7 years during which time , as a codependent, I enabled , lied for , baled out and basically let my alcoholic run rings around me. I have been in Al anon 5 years, after alcoholic was sober for 2 years then started drinking again, I divorced him 2 years ago. If I thought being married to one was hard.. My god divorcing one was a whole new ball game. During the two years he has lost access to our daughter, lost supervised access, lost his job and basically on the progressive downward spiral. It took me a year to change my numbers, stop contact all together and let go of my alcoholic. Through all the guilt and anger .. Most of the time I do pretty well, with the help of Al anon. I spent a year alone ( much needed ! ) and for the last year have been in a healthy relationship. I just find the curve balls so exhausting. My ex has been back in detox, yet reports are he is still drinking, yet he still wants access to our daughter. I am being reasonable and working with a solicitor to start indirect access whilst we see if he can be sober, yet as always he takes matters into his own hands (doesn't follow guidelines from solicitor, turns up at my house with gifts for daughter etc) I just feel sometimes so exhausted by it all and trying to do my best by our daughter means I have to have an element of awareness of his sober /drinking state of mind and I hate it . Sorry for the rant I needed to get that out !

maia1234

Hope,
Welcome, and I love your name, (its so positive)!!

Nothing is easy when dealing with an addict. You need to follow the path that you feel is the safest for baby hope. She is entitled to a healthy relationship with her dad. What ever that might be. Go and read or post questions on the adult children of alcoholics forum if you are questioning doing the right thing. They will tell you what happened to them and this will empower you to stay your course.

We are enablers when it comes to our addicts, they groom us. I know you question your decisions, but be confident that you are protecting you and her. I read here from an addict "it was the best thing she did for herself, by throwing me to the curb". This addict found his way to SR, is sober and working a program.

Hugs my friend, every ounce of fight that you have in you to keep baby hope safe is worth it.

Hope2016

Thank you x I try to take comfort in all I have learned in the last 5 years about myself mostly lol and alcoholism to follow my gut instinct , but sometimes like today ! The negativity just gets to me and I feel so sick of fighting. The battles I have faced (Im sure everyone in this board can relate to) are so huge I'm just at the point where I'm sick of being strong ! I can remember saying to my mum when I finally left my xah that I felt like I was at the bottom of a mountain and had to get to the top yet no idea where to get the strength from. I've climbed a fair way up , radically changed my enabling , stopped being manipulated or even allowed myself to be near manipulation and said no when I mean it and set boundaries . All of these things have been the best for me and daughter yet I find them so incredible hard to do. The people pleaser in my from days gone by still rears her head and wants to solve all these problems for everyone .. Grrr x

maia1234

You are doing amazing, what you have come through. Be proud of yourself, you survived!!!!

Alanon, open aa meetings and sr gave me the strength to leave my axh after 34 years together. Hardest thing in my life to do. BUT you do it and slowly move forward.

Keep reading all over the sr forum. This will just give you more strength to do what you really need to do for the both of you.

Hugs my friend, you are a brave strong women, and this is what you are showing your daughter!!

FireSprite

I fight the same exact battle friend. We ALL have weak days/moments, don't beat yourself up over it.

One of the very best things I have learned in my yoga practice is to accept that while I strive to put 100%/my Personal Best into everything, what my best IS may change from day-to-day.

That doesn't make me less-than in those moments, it just means that I have the awareness to see that & compensate for it in a way that allows me to keep supporting myself in a healthy & productive way.

Now, in my yoga practice that might mean taking it easy on an injured ankle or upset stomach. In my recovery it means things like recognizing my need to HALT & giving myself the extra love or attention or sleep or whatever I need on those kinds of days. Sometimes it just means withdrawing from as much as possible until I feel more stable... whatever it takes!

Everything you posted sounds so very normal & it sounds like you have come a million miles in your recovery already, way to go!!!

Bekindalways

Rant away Hope2016; it sounds like you have been through the wringer and climbed a long, long way. Congratulations. However you have every right to be exhausted.

Treat yourself as kindly as you can and post all you want.