My New Place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
My New Place
Hi,
I have been in my new house for just about 3 weeks. It's not perfect by any means. I am settling in.
It's been a rough few weeks, still no decision from the judge regarding the protective order. It's been 2 weeks since court. So it remains in place. I think that's probably a good thing.
I'm still in a funk. Trying to make myself do things. Still I think numb from all the changes.
I did fall on the ice, 3 weeks ago, getting wood, the night I moved into my house. Having trouble with my right shoulder. Saw the MD, x- Ray shows a fx, which they do nothing for, but they want an MRI to r/o a rotator cuff tear. That will be done on Wednesday. I know I'm in a funk, but laying low because of my shoulder.
I'm not sure when I'll be able to take a sigh of relief. Not sure it will ever be really over. My ah and I are connected in so many ways.
I have an appt with my lawyer on Friday. I want us to put together the things that I would like from this marriage, like 1/2 tithe house, and also since I was the bread earner x12 years, and contributed probably 80% to his 20%, see how things get divided.
I'm sure my credit will be ruined because of this divorce. My ah will pay only the bills he feels like. He'll let everything else go. I'm not in a position to pay any of the bills since I'm on a fixed income.
I paid all the bills in the house from August- January, with my fixed income, plus used the little bit of money my mom left me. That's all gone. We were starting up a new business, so my ah and I were together, so we knew that he wouldn't have an income for about 6 months. Stupid me. I also invested money into the business. When I told my ah that he was going to have do figure out how the bills were going to get paid in Dec., I had no money left, that's when my ah really turned the heat up.
I guess, he had gotten every penny out of me, so felt I was just useless baggage.
It's funny though, my ah has no money, business isn't generating enough, but he's able to pay all the bills in our home and for his truck. I wonder where he's getting the money. I'm sure when I ask for things to be paid for, and to be rembursed for things I paid for, my ah will say he has no money!! I hope the court see through that.
I just so much want this nightmare behind me.
The road is long, but I think I'm seeing things now for what they were, and what they are today. It's taking me a long time. I thank everyone on this forum for your advice and support.
I hope someday, I'm able to help someone who's going through the same kind of situation and pain.
Z
I have been in my new house for just about 3 weeks. It's not perfect by any means. I am settling in.
It's been a rough few weeks, still no decision from the judge regarding the protective order. It's been 2 weeks since court. So it remains in place. I think that's probably a good thing.
I'm still in a funk. Trying to make myself do things. Still I think numb from all the changes.
I did fall on the ice, 3 weeks ago, getting wood, the night I moved into my house. Having trouble with my right shoulder. Saw the MD, x- Ray shows a fx, which they do nothing for, but they want an MRI to r/o a rotator cuff tear. That will be done on Wednesday. I know I'm in a funk, but laying low because of my shoulder.
I'm not sure when I'll be able to take a sigh of relief. Not sure it will ever be really over. My ah and I are connected in so many ways.
I have an appt with my lawyer on Friday. I want us to put together the things that I would like from this marriage, like 1/2 tithe house, and also since I was the bread earner x12 years, and contributed probably 80% to his 20%, see how things get divided.
I'm sure my credit will be ruined because of this divorce. My ah will pay only the bills he feels like. He'll let everything else go. I'm not in a position to pay any of the bills since I'm on a fixed income.
I paid all the bills in the house from August- January, with my fixed income, plus used the little bit of money my mom left me. That's all gone. We were starting up a new business, so my ah and I were together, so we knew that he wouldn't have an income for about 6 months. Stupid me. I also invested money into the business. When I told my ah that he was going to have do figure out how the bills were going to get paid in Dec., I had no money left, that's when my ah really turned the heat up.
I guess, he had gotten every penny out of me, so felt I was just useless baggage.
It's funny though, my ah has no money, business isn't generating enough, but he's able to pay all the bills in our home and for his truck. I wonder where he's getting the money. I'm sure when I ask for things to be paid for, and to be rembursed for things I paid for, my ah will say he has no money!! I hope the court see through that.
I just so much want this nightmare behind me.
The road is long, but I think I'm seeing things now for what they were, and what they are today. It's taking me a long time. I thank everyone on this forum for your advice and support.
I hope someday, I'm able to help someone who's going through the same kind of situation and pain.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hang in there, Z,
This stuff WILL get resolved. I know it's hard when you can't see how it will ever all get worked out, but these things DO get worked out in the end. Money may be tight for a while.
What are your prospects for a new job? I'd suggest you use this time when you are physically taking it a bit easy because of your shoulder to work on polishing up a resume. Or plan to start a business of your own. There are lots of possibilities. Do some research, brainstorm ideas.
Hugs, you're doing fine. I hope your shoulder feels better soon.
This stuff WILL get resolved. I know it's hard when you can't see how it will ever all get worked out, but these things DO get worked out in the end. Money may be tight for a while.
What are your prospects for a new job? I'd suggest you use this time when you are physically taking it a bit easy because of your shoulder to work on polishing up a resume. Or plan to start a business of your own. There are lots of possibilities. Do some research, brainstorm ideas.
Hugs, you're doing fine. I hope your shoulder feels better soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Z, sending you hugs and prayers for peace. Someday it will be behind you. As for money, there are ways to stretch budgets-I traded in my car for a much cheaper car payment, got financial aide for my daughters school, cut cable, etc. You can so it. I think it's dandy that always writes "short term pain for long term gain"!!! You can do this!! As for the courts, they see addicts every day and are well versed in their lingo and lies and excuses-you'll be fine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Sending you hugs and prayers- you WILL find yourself suddenly one day looking back in amazement at all you did and the way you felt so often...and it will be past. And you'll be happy and free.
And in the meantime, your posts are already helping so many others who are in the thick of things. Your strength inspires them...so smile about that too.
And in the meantime, your posts are already helping so many others who are in the thick of things. Your strength inspires them...so smile about that too.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Big hugs Z!
I know it seems so overwhelming right now. This will be behind you eventually. I thought I would never be able to cut ties w/my X. Now, amazingly, another string was just cut financially (huge sigh of relief). The overwhelming feeling in the pit of your stomach does not linger forever, I promise.
Take good care of you and of that shoulder!
I know it seems so overwhelming right now. This will be behind you eventually. I thought I would never be able to cut ties w/my X. Now, amazingly, another string was just cut financially (huge sigh of relief). The overwhelming feeling in the pit of your stomach does not linger forever, I promise.
Take good care of you and of that shoulder!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
You're doing fine Z. There's an element of shock that goes with making big changes. The dust will settle, you'll get a routine, and i could guess that 3 months from now, you'll feel more like your awesome self than you have in years. (((Z)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The road is long, but I think I'm seeing things now for what they were, and what they are today.
Hugs and warm wishes for you going forward!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi
Hi,
Thank you all for your support.
I just feel a mess right now. Still very numb. Not sure I can trust myself to do anything right!
I feel like right now I can't get out of my own way.
How could I have been so wrong about my ah. Boy he pulled the wool over a lot of people's eyes. They can't believe how his behavior changed. A few of them witnessed it, the verbal abuse of me. They don't know how such a wonderful man, that they loved and admired could have changed so drastically. I wonder that myself, but learning about addiction, has opened my eyes that this is what it does to the addict.
I'm still having a hard time believing how used I was by my ah. Even though he denies it, he basically threw me away, when I ran out of money, and no longer made the big bucks( if there is ever such a thing LOL). My thoughts are, maybe it was my ah turn to support me for a change. Oh well, doesn't matter now.
I must say, though, I am finally able to think and see more clearly the situation for what it was, unhealthy.
My ah reaped the benefits of the relationship. My thoughts, I'm going to reap some of the benefits, in the divorce settlement, that I provided during our marriage.
If my ah wants to use my brain hemorrhage against me in court like he did a few weeks ago, then I'll use it to my benefit in the divorce settlement.
I don't like being that way but my ah never thought about me during our marriage. I had a very stressful job, lots of responsibility , on call a lot, worked many hours. Actually it could have contributed to my brain hemorrhage.
I think, today for the first time I am moving on in my head. Very different they physically moving.
For the first time, I'm going to think about me and my financial future. I'm not taking what he's gonna offer. My ah has at least another 10-15 years left to work. Me, my career is almost done. I'll probably work a little, but not much. This is pay back time for all I did for him. Maybe I'm being selfish.
Again, for some reason, have moved a bit in my head today, making it more about me than my ah.
Thank you for letting me vent. It truely helps
Thank you all for your support.
I just feel a mess right now. Still very numb. Not sure I can trust myself to do anything right!
I feel like right now I can't get out of my own way.
How could I have been so wrong about my ah. Boy he pulled the wool over a lot of people's eyes. They can't believe how his behavior changed. A few of them witnessed it, the verbal abuse of me. They don't know how such a wonderful man, that they loved and admired could have changed so drastically. I wonder that myself, but learning about addiction, has opened my eyes that this is what it does to the addict.
I'm still having a hard time believing how used I was by my ah. Even though he denies it, he basically threw me away, when I ran out of money, and no longer made the big bucks( if there is ever such a thing LOL). My thoughts are, maybe it was my ah turn to support me for a change. Oh well, doesn't matter now.
I must say, though, I am finally able to think and see more clearly the situation for what it was, unhealthy.
My ah reaped the benefits of the relationship. My thoughts, I'm going to reap some of the benefits, in the divorce settlement, that I provided during our marriage.
If my ah wants to use my brain hemorrhage against me in court like he did a few weeks ago, then I'll use it to my benefit in the divorce settlement.
I don't like being that way but my ah never thought about me during our marriage. I had a very stressful job, lots of responsibility , on call a lot, worked many hours. Actually it could have contributed to my brain hemorrhage.
I think, today for the first time I am moving on in my head. Very different they physically moving.
For the first time, I'm going to think about me and my financial future. I'm not taking what he's gonna offer. My ah has at least another 10-15 years left to work. Me, my career is almost done. I'll probably work a little, but not much. This is pay back time for all I did for him. Maybe I'm being selfish.
Again, for some reason, have moved a bit in my head today, making it more about me than my ah.
Thank you for letting me vent. It truely helps
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sure, you should pursue a divorce settlement/result that will be fair to you financially. The problem is, having rights to payments is a whole different animal from getting them out of him without one fight after another. If I were you I'd go for whatever you can get in the property division and don't count on alimony--you're not likely to see much/any along those lines. Assume you will never see a dime from him once the divorce is over, and plan accordingly. It may not be fair, but it's reality.
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