Originally Posted by Hangnbyathread

I am going to excerpt 2 segments of your post and then tell you.....we have been here...exactly here....and we know how this goes. This board is full of stories that are yours. One of the most valuable things I learned in recovery is, our situation isn't unique. Addicts follow almost textbook paths. Most of us here have read this book now. So time to let us help you.



When I met my g/f, the reasons she tried in earnest to have me was as she put it. I was confident, I was at peace, I knew my strengths and weaknesses, I had a good heart, I felt good about myself, I treated others with compassion. I was stable. I was peaceful.

And I was all of those.

By the time we broke up, I was in therapy for depression, PTSD, sleep problems, lack of self esteem, sexual dysfunction, lack of empathy, trust issues.......I was a mess.

There was a telling moment that AHA moment when my therapist, after months of therapy put it very bluntly yet correctly. Did I have any of these issues prior to this relationship I was in? **BLINK* *BLINK*....that little crack of lightning goes off........hmmmmm....no actually no that you ask me to think about it, I didn't. My therapist happened to know a lot about addictions.

Did I give any though that maybe my partner had an addiction? Until that time, I never viewed the drinking as an addiction. I knew she liked to drink, I had asked her to stop, and I simply got away from here when she did it. It was, on the surface, a pretty easy way to deal with it. I didn't view it as an addiction. I didn't know.

And this is when I began to unravel the whole fact that I had been living with and dealing with an addict in my life. I just had never been around one, so I was simply ignorant. I owe my sanity to therapy. Once that light went off...and I agreed that maybe there was an addiction, my therapist essentially said, look this is how they take others down. They chip away at all the foundation you have that is good, so that you can be a mess like them, so that you won't care as much as to the standard you expect of them.

That was the first door out for me.

Let me save you a ton of time. And I have told others here this. Not as a way to patronize them, but as a wake up call. Take off your rose colored glasses, put on your big girl panties, make a plan....and get the H out.

No excuses, no I can't because, or maybe next month. If you are unable to clean out a joint account, go to a shelter, a friend, a family member with nothing. It will be better than staying in the direction this is headed.

Now.....you can try and rationalize this, or convince us all you want why you will be different. I won't be responding. I have heard all of that, more times than you can count. It is nothing more than you trying to talk yourself out of it.

Sister....I was as guilty of this as you are going to try to be. I came here the same as you did. For the same reasons you did. Knew I was smart enough to find some way to save a ship that was taking on water faster than I can bail.

There is another user here that used the term.....and it fits perfectly.

You are on the Titanic, re-arranging deck furniture, while the ship is sinking. The ship is going to sink, no matter what you want to do with the furniture.

Grab your life jacket and start swimming.



You need to stop dwelling or thinking about this. This one thing is what keeps them in our lives longer than we should. We keep hoping, they will come back. Some do. But you have a low probability they will be back. I am as guilty as you are looking back. I wanted the girl I loved to come back. I tried everything to see if she was there. This plays right into the manipulation. I'll be better if.......Or if you wouldn't do this, I wouldn't do that......or You made me do this....or...It isn't my fault I have a disease......or....the list will never end. You think you can check one off and they add 3 more.

If you can't swim.....learn.......learn now.