Praying

I met with my recent ex for the first time since I asked him to move out in November. It was necessary since our kids had an interaction that required a discussion, and I preferred to do it face to face.

He seemed really good. Hasn't had a drink since last April, and really immersed in AA in December. He's been working the steps and is working through 9 (amends). I declined them when he offered--still deciding if I want to hear.

What was odd to me in this discussion was hard to describe...he was very calm, very reasonable, but something felt off. Almost like he was a character delivering lines in a play? That may sound weird. I'm just curious if anyone with RAs has experience with them seeming like a shell, or a character, or something...almost like he wasn't all there, though I don't believe he was on anything. This may not even make any sense--just felt eerie.

Liveitwell

Whatever IT is, listen to your gut. Weird stuff for sure!

firebolt

I have seen the transformation of a few alcoholics going through recovery in AA. They also had an odd kind of out of body aura about them for a while.

Thinking back....to not really all that long ago, I have felt that way myself in my recovery from time to time. Life is surreal when you are learning to live it again as an adult.

On the other hand I must echo FOG - eyes wide open - your gut feelings are important!!

LexieCat

He may not entirely BE the way he is acting and talking just yet, but here's the thing. It takes time to integrate all the things that are involved in becoming a new person. Haven't all of us felt, at times, even as we were doing what we knew was the right thing, like it wasn't NATURAL? Didn't it take a lot of us a long time to learn to stop reacting to other people in the way we were accustomed to reacting?

Same thing with newly sober alcoholics. You really DO have to go through the motions for a while before it becomes part of you. It's still doing good--for the alcoholic and those around him/her.

I'm not saying to throw caution to the winds, but I've seen an awful lot of people get sober and stay that way. And wouldn't that be great for him--and his son?

NYCDoglvr

When you drink for years to avoid feelings, it takes a while to feel comfortable in your own skin. When I got sober two decades ago I remember feeling detached for a while, of not knowing who the new "me" was.

LifeRecovery

My addiction was always to try to make the world what I thought it should be, and myself what I wanted to be in it.

Recovery brought reality to my life and the world around it. It helped me to be congruent, but I had to search for a bit what that meant. I had to learn how to feel, and all that reality I was not able to deal with in my addiction had to be sorted through and dealth with.

I personally felt disconnected and like I was a character many times during the last number of years. I am sure it was discombobulating for others also.

I also at times felt recovery was exhausting......