Wow
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Wow
Ok sorry but I need to vent! Ughhhhhhhhhh I have been very good and taking care of ME! Detaching myself as much as I can from the A. I spent the first weekend last weekend without seeing him ONCE and now I get a call this morning at 1:00 a.m. because I never called him last night. I went to counseling came home and went to BED! Then now he calls this morning at 6:30 a.m and starts screaming, swearing, yelling, degrading me etc...blah blah. He says that I have been starting his mornings out bad all week so he was going to do it to me. I have been keeping my distance from him and he does not like it! F--- this and F--- that etc....Ughhhhhhhh Now he is telling me that I'm not going to be around tonight or all this weekend. (Glad that he can tell my future) Now he also said to me that he wants me to sign a paper telling him I will pay him 50.00 a week until my "bill" is paid off with him. He fixed my car and it cost close to 300.00 which I told him I would pay to him at the end of the this month. He also put new tires on it that I did not ask him to do!!! He is obcessed with me going to the town that I use to live-and continually asks me if I'm with someone else! But actually says F--- someone else. Ughhhhhhh I go to my old town for alot of reasons- friends, counseling, doctors and groomer for my dogs! I lived there for many years!
A typical A who does not TRUST himself or ANYONE!? All about them!
I know I know try not to let him get to me! Easier said than done this morning- I have not allowed him to bother me all week and now .....*sigh*
Happy Friday everyone!
A typical A who does not TRUST himself or ANYONE!? All about them!
I know I know try not to let him get to me! Easier said than done this morning- I have not allowed him to bother me all week and now .....*sigh*
Happy Friday everyone!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
The thing that helped me with that kind of BS was the thread on the Naranon forum about "Quacking." When I hear someone begin to rant, I think Quack, Quack, Quack. It actually tickles me, and I don't get mad. The person starts to sound like Donald Duck on a tear. Hugs, Magic
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Rella,
I would say that this IS a good Friday b/c you are here and you're sharing and your're not carrying this around all day. I am not sure if you are writing about my old ABF or my F but I thing if you send me a picture of your's and I send you a picture of mine they may be the same person!
I love the serenity prayer b/c it is like my own person white noise maker that drowns out all the other "noise" that is in my head. It has worked incredibly well for me when I am in the middle of a moment that could turn me into an obsessive "crazy" like the rest of the "A"s around me. The other thing I have to remind myself is that the A is never going to give me permission to get healthy.
Keep the faith...you're in the right place and among friends.
Peace,
Petunia
I would say that this IS a good Friday b/c you are here and you're sharing and your're not carrying this around all day. I am not sure if you are writing about my old ABF or my F but I thing if you send me a picture of your's and I send you a picture of mine they may be the same person!
I love the serenity prayer b/c it is like my own person white noise maker that drowns out all the other "noise" that is in my head. It has worked incredibly well for me when I am in the middle of a moment that could turn me into an obsessive "crazy" like the rest of the "A"s around me. The other thing I have to remind myself is that the A is never going to give me permission to get healthy.
Keep the faith...you're in the right place and among friends.
Peace,
Petunia
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by Magichappens
The thing that helped me with that kind of BS was the thread on the Naranon forum about "Quacking." When I hear someone begin to rant, I think Quack, Quack, Quack. It actually tickles me, and I don't get mad. The person starts to sound like Donald Duck on a tear. Hugs, Magic
Petunia thank you for sharing and it is funny how they all sound so much alike huh? Kind of like this ----->
<----this has to be my favorite icon in here! As for you getting healthy...honey you do not need permission to do it! Like nike just do it! It is possible-especially with all the wonderful people in here! So...update on this mornings saga....I get to work and 2 hours later I get a HUGE FLOOR Plant and a DOZEN roses! Unreal ......Ummmm thinking this is going to change my mind that I'm still angry with you and your
outburst? Not a chance! Then i proceed to call because it was the right thing to do to thank him...and starts with the "I have not seen you, this is not fair...when am I going to see you, accusing me of cheating on him etc.." He wants to have dinner on Saturday which I said yes to as long as he is planning on staying sober-or I will leave! He said well you need to lay down some ground rules...I said NO...I layed one down and it is for myself- that I will not associate with you when your are drinking.BIG FAT PERIOD! He needs to lay some rules down for himself and decide on getting help soon before it is too late for everything in his life....including ME! Phew enough said! Everyone enjoy there weekend! ((((Hugs)))) for everything as always! I love this place! *dances around* woo hooo
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Rella,
I am thrilled for you! That is a wonderful boundary, reminds me of when I set it with my old ABF. No drinking at my house and he comes over on Friday evening with a 6 pack. I looked him in the eye and told him to leave - with the reminder that I told him he is not to drink in my house. It was the most awesome feeling, kind of like I grew about 15 years emotionally in that one moment.
I'll look forward to the update regarding how things go. Enjoy the plants and flowers. On the roses note, from the wife of a man who is brilliant with flowers - don't be afraid to do some serious cutting of the rose stems. When I say agressive - I mean like 3-4 inches maybe more depending on how they are doing. This can prolong the life of your buds... why not enjoy some beautiful flowers
Peace,
Petunia
I am thrilled for you! That is a wonderful boundary, reminds me of when I set it with my old ABF. No drinking at my house and he comes over on Friday evening with a 6 pack. I looked him in the eye and told him to leave - with the reminder that I told him he is not to drink in my house. It was the most awesome feeling, kind of like I grew about 15 years emotionally in that one moment.
I'll look forward to the update regarding how things go. Enjoy the plants and flowers. On the roses note, from the wife of a man who is brilliant with flowers - don't be afraid to do some serious cutting of the rose stems. When I say agressive - I mean like 3-4 inches maybe more depending on how they are doing. This can prolong the life of your buds... why not enjoy some beautiful flowers
Peace,
Petunia
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
When I started to focus on myself and detach from my AH, he started to throw tantrums. And of course he blamed me for EVERYTHING. I am grateful for my private counselor, al-anon, and this website. It helps to know that your not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I knew that I was actually progressing in a positive way in my own recovery when I realized that sometimes I would actually grin, smile, smirk - and even flat out laugh! - when AH would be on one of his rampages.
That was before I came here and realized that it was known as quacking! LOL
But really....when you stop and think about it - some of the stuff they come up with is soooo absurd that it's actually kinda funny!
On a side note to that, I want to share something with you.
AH and I have had some really good conversations since we split up. They were early on in our seperation (we don't speak now) but I am so grateful for those conversations as they helped me see things in such the way they did, answered so many of my questions, etc. But what I"m getting at is that one of the things that we had discussed was his constant accussations that I was cheating on him. I mean, they were more in "spurts" than all the time. But anyways......one day while we were discussing this topic, he said to me, "Well, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you leave me after the way I treated you?" Hmm......you know, I had never ever once stopped to think about it that way before. It really put it in a whole new perspective for me.
Granted, your AH may not be coming from that same standpoint as my AH was........but you know what - maybe he is.
Just a thought for ya.
That was before I came here and realized that it was known as quacking! LOL
But really....when you stop and think about it - some of the stuff they come up with is soooo absurd that it's actually kinda funny!
On a side note to that, I want to share something with you.
AH and I have had some really good conversations since we split up. They were early on in our seperation (we don't speak now) but I am so grateful for those conversations as they helped me see things in such the way they did, answered so many of my questions, etc. But what I"m getting at is that one of the things that we had discussed was his constant accussations that I was cheating on him. I mean, they were more in "spurts" than all the time. But anyways......one day while we were discussing this topic, he said to me, "Well, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you leave me after the way I treated you?" Hmm......you know, I had never ever once stopped to think about it that way before. It really put it in a whole new perspective for me.
Granted, your AH may not be coming from that same standpoint as my AH was........but you know what - maybe he is.
Just a thought for ya.
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