TakingCharge999

I stopped idealizing and fantasizing, looked at the hard facts and decided I deserve love and respect, which I am not getting from "RR".

I feel bad for falling again and being part of the narcissist & possible AH/codependency dance, but well, I had been relatively free from this pain for a few years, I hope I can be free again.

To be honest it is not so bad to be on this side of reality. I feel slightly more peaceful already eventhough I am in emotional pain and wanting desperately for him to contact me so we can all act "normal" and "friendly" as if the truth did not exist.

Thank you for being here and always a source of sanity.
I do not wish the pain of codependency to anyone.

However even if its a constant struggle at least we are able to glimpse other options to live life, and that gives one hope.

TakingCharge999

I have quacked a lot these last few years and not really done much about healing but I finally felt so bad as to go to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with double depression. I have been on meds for a month and feel better already. On Friday I will go to my first CBT session (cognitive therapy) where I want to address my extremely low self esteem, low self confidence, lack of boundaries and handling this mourning phase.

Outside or logically it all makes sense but internally I am a mess

hopeful4

Just like profile says, A Jug Fills Drop By Drop. You will heal drop by drop as well. You did not get here overnight, and won't be healed overnight. You have taken huge strides for yourself, and getting yourself well. That's all you have control of, and you are doing what you need to do. Well done.

We are here always, you are not alone.

AnvilheadII

the only way we GET to different is to DO different. you are getting better at spotting the red flags and then stopping the pattern from going any further......recovery is like a set of good binoculars allowing us to see things from a greater distance and charting our course, BEFORE we find ourselves hip deep in the alligator bog.

this is a very key statement you made:

I am in emotional pain and wanting desperately for him to contact me

many struggle with wanting to make the contact themselves.....others struggle with not being contacted. in each case we SEEK something outside of ourselves.......and in case we need to find out WHAT that need is and how to appease it in healthy ways.

Live

TC!!

shell2516

I imagine it will be a struggle for a while but it does sound like you're doing the right thing, remember that. You need to put yourself first. Well done for going to the psychiatrist and arranging CBT too, I hope that will also be a lot of help for you.

Take care of yourself !

Kimmieh