Petunia

All,

I've been away a long time but found my way back. And I doesn't matter to me if anyone reads this post - I just need to get it out since I won't see my therapist until tomorrow. I am so over my family - it took a lot of crying on my part and the typical family "holiday" to set the wheels in motion but today I am so ready to let them go.

I used to feel so guilty, needy, wanting of my family of origin and today I don't want to see them ever again. This is more than detachment - b/c I don't want to have to interact with them ever again. I realized that my F is not happy unless he is unhappy, angry, disrespected (perceived or actual) and my M couldn't protect me from him as a child so why I think we would protect me from him as a grownup is my issue to work out. I have a list of wishes that will never be fulfilled b/c they aren't in my control. and I didn't cause them to be that way, and I can't cure them and make they be different.

They have their version of a relationship which I don't want anything to do with from here forward. My greatest challenge now is how to tell them. I am not going to engage them in conversation b/c they are crazy and all I get is crazy talk. I am thinking a letter which I will discuss with my therapist. But it feels good to just get it out and let it go. I am grateful for the fellowship of SR and the people and wisdom here.

Wishing each of you peace today,
Petunia

Gabe

Petunia,
You have obviously worked through some very difficult things in coming to this decision. That is not an easy thing to do. The most important thing is that your serenity remain intact.
Big hugs,
Gabe

givingup

After the anger has dissipated and time has lessened the pain, maybe you will be able to forgive your parents. Forgiveness is an act that we do for ourselves. It lightens the load, frees our minds, and prepares our heart for good things to come. You don't have to reconcile in order to forgive. After years, I can now view my mother as a lonely, old woman who did the best she knew how even if it wasn't what I needed for protection and support growing up. What's that saying: If you can't be a good role model, you will just have to serve as a bad example. My mom taught me a lot about being a mother even if it was by being a bad example.

cwohio

petunia - i think discussing it with your therapist will help. it's got to be tough to detach from your family. givingup does have a point.

support & hugs to you - cwohio

Magichappens

((Petunia))
Glad that you are back. I have had to detach from my family, emotionally and for the most part physically. One thing that helped me was to "adopt" family. In my Al-Anon meetings I have gained a spirit family, as opposed to a blood family. I have a mom and dad. They don't know they are that, but they have given me so much of what I needed from a mom and dad. It has eased the pain and loss for me. Good luck and keep coming back. Hugs, Magic

Cap3

Thank for you sharring Petunia.A problem shared,is a problem cut in half.I know for me,that many times that i needed to talk.it was to those who were so strong,to give me there ears to hear.Sure helped me to heal.They helped in ways that they just dont know.Keep sharring.Cause it feels so,so good.to get all of it out...