Peace in life without Alcohol/alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 19
It's been two weeks since we last spoke.
I no longer have to apologize for who I am.
I can (slowly) start to trust people and not have them use it against me.
I can pay attention to my own needs and not feel I'm doing something wrong.
I can trust my views of reality again, and not have to accommodate some weird denial-based narrative that blames me for setting boundaries.
I can put my hand over my own heart and know that I'm worthwhile.
I can envision a future without drama.
I can make travel plans, see friends, etc. without feeling that's abandoning, selfish, or abnormal.
I don't have to take responsibility for that which I'm not responsible for.
I can remember that I really am a loving and compassionate person, and me distancing myself from unhealthy destructive behavior in no way lessens the depth or sincerity of that love.
At core, I can have faith in myself again, and start to rebuild the self-confidence I let fall by the wayside for far too long.
I no longer have to apologize for who I am.
I can (slowly) start to trust people and not have them use it against me.
I can pay attention to my own needs and not feel I'm doing something wrong.
I can trust my views of reality again, and not have to accommodate some weird denial-based narrative that blames me for setting boundaries.
I can put my hand over my own heart and know that I'm worthwhile.
I can envision a future without drama.
I can make travel plans, see friends, etc. without feeling that's abandoning, selfish, or abnormal.
I don't have to take responsibility for that which I'm not responsible for.
I can remember that I really am a loving and compassionate person, and me distancing myself from unhealthy destructive behavior in no way lessens the depth or sincerity of that love.
At core, I can have faith in myself again, and start to rebuild the self-confidence I let fall by the wayside for far too long.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
So today I had less time and more to do than I planned on, due to BIL being called in to work unexpectedly--I needed to drive across town to his house to pick up the ingredients for his contribution to dinner today (corn casserole) and then I needed to MAKE it, in addition to all of my own things to do. I was a little pressed for time b/c of this, but didn't let it stress me out too much, just worked steady.
When I left my house to head to the festivities, the kitchen looked like something blew up--actually, like EVERYTHING blew up. Again, didn't let it bother me much, figured there'd be time enough to clean it all up when I got home.
When I got home, I put on some music and spent the next 2 hours putting leftovers away, washing dishes and generally making order out of the chaos I'd left. I didn't rush, just worked steady and enjoyed my music and the company of my houndies. I just got done, and I'm pleased w/the day and the company I spent it in. I'm going to make a cup of cocoa and then sit down and work at the spinning wheel for a while, then go to bed and listen to my friend the owl before I go to sleep.
If XAH had been here, there would have been bad vibes and pressure and rushing and resentments all day long b/c things deviated from the original plan, b/c there was a mess left, b/c I wasn't ready to leave the gathering at the time that he thought I should. It would have been unpleasant at the least, and there likely would have been a fight at some point. I miss him; we've spent 21 Christmases together, and yes, I do miss him. But as I've said in some other threads, what I miss is more a combination of memories, wishful thinking and stardust than what the reality of things has been for a number of years now. And I most assuredly do NOT miss the way the day would have gone if he was here.
When I left my house to head to the festivities, the kitchen looked like something blew up--actually, like EVERYTHING blew up. Again, didn't let it bother me much, figured there'd be time enough to clean it all up when I got home.
When I got home, I put on some music and spent the next 2 hours putting leftovers away, washing dishes and generally making order out of the chaos I'd left. I didn't rush, just worked steady and enjoyed my music and the company of my houndies. I just got done, and I'm pleased w/the day and the company I spent it in. I'm going to make a cup of cocoa and then sit down and work at the spinning wheel for a while, then go to bed and listen to my friend the owl before I go to sleep.
If XAH had been here, there would have been bad vibes and pressure and rushing and resentments all day long b/c things deviated from the original plan, b/c there was a mess left, b/c I wasn't ready to leave the gathering at the time that he thought I should. It would have been unpleasant at the least, and there likely would have been a fight at some point. I miss him; we've spent 21 Christmases together, and yes, I do miss him. But as I've said in some other threads, what I miss is more a combination of memories, wishful thinking and stardust than what the reality of things has been for a number of years now. And I most assuredly do NOT miss the way the day would have gone if he was here.
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