slowclimb

AH has been gone for just over 24 hours. I think some of my numbness and exhaustion is wearing off. Not sure that is good because it has my brain engaging and my emotions more heightened.

Oh well...just like the A's gotta face those things too. Trying to keep the focus on myself and not worry about what he is doing. Had a strange revelation today about our relationship. I started to stress about getting certain things done today and realized that without him here there are different priorities - actually there are 'other' priorities as with an A the priority is always them and the alcohol. I am always available to him, try to make sure I do the things he asked of me that day, that there is food, clean clothes, house is under control or it tweaks him, kids are managed, I know the schedule, bills are all paid and I remembered or somehow found out via ESP everything that he needs to do as he couldn't manage that.

So today I feel a bit of calm knowing that he can't call me today and that I will do my own first things first. Does it make sense that at the same time I'm confused, anxious and not sure of myself?

dandylion

Oh, yes.....it does "make sense". We humans are creatures of habit....and change does seem to unbalance us, temporarily.
With time, what is new becomes the norm.

Hang in.....have faith in yourself and your own judgements.....

dandylion

slowclimb

Thanks Dandy. I was all gung ho and set to conquer the world today and somehow that has moved back into not wanting to see anyone in the world or leave my house. That isolation is something that has been my norm.

I am at least motivated to clean - purge and organize mostly. It is helping me to clear physical chaos - hopefully in time it will translate to calming the other chaos inside.

I think doing the cleaning as well as making dinner, managing homework and a trip to the library can be enough for today.