ladyscribbler

Just got off the phone with my lawyer. He received the final draft of the custody order this morning. It was WAY more involved than I had initially thought it would be, and far stricter than any of the compromises we offered my ex during this past year.
My ex has to submit to a substance abuse evaluation and follow and complete all the recommendations for treatment/follow up care/etc. in order to have visitation. If he chooses not to do that but still wants to exercise his visitation rights, then he has to sign up for Soberlink and not consume any alcohol during the visits.
Wow. My lawyer was doing a little happy dance (I could tell, even over the phone). I just breathed the biggest sigh of relief ever. My son is safe.
Even if my ex decides not to do any of that, our son will still be able to visit his grandparents on that side during holidays and school vacations when he would have been with his dad. I've already made arrangements for them to have Christmas this year.
To all the mamas and papas out there fighting this battle- keep the faith, stay strong and stay focused on the goal of protecting your kids. Reach out for help. Rant and rave and cry. Then wipe your face and keep fighting the good fight. And don't forget to keep a journal.
I could not have survived this past year without Alanon, SR, my therapist and the belief that I was doing the right thing to protect my son. None of this was ever about "getting" my ex or badmouthing him or "winning" some imaginary victory. It was about doing the best thing for our son. My ex is not in a place where he is able to understand that, and that's OK. None of this is about him. It never was.

DoubleDragons

Congratulations, Ladyscribbler!! I am so happy for you and relieved for your son!!

angrywife232310

Sounds like it worked out for you. What is sober link?

ladyscribbler

It's a portable breathalyzer that uploads the test results so that the concerned parties can access the information. There are a couple of models, one works on the Verizon network, the newer one uses bluetooth. It's sometimes used as an alternative to those ankle bracelets for criminal offenses, and voluntary use is becoming more common in child custody cases where alcohol is a concern.

atalose

That has to be one heavy load lifted off of your shoulders. I am so very happy for you. And I am happy for your son and glad to see you working with his other grandparents. He has one special mommy!!!!

FireSprite

That is simply the BEST news. You are an absolute inspiration, Lady, Congratulations!!!!

angrywife232310

Does sober link work if he smokes pot or does pills?

ladyscribbler

It's a breathalyzer, it only works for alcohol.

Gonnachange

Congratulations!

Lyssy

Whoo Hoo! Congrats.

amy55

Terrific!!!!!!!!!!!

So happy for you and your son.

(((((((hugs))))))))
amy

Liveitwell

Lady-I am ecstatic to here this!!!!!! I too echo your words-esp the last paragraph. It's about what is best for the kids-not the addict-and not at all about winning, bad mouthing or anything else like that-it's about the kids. I am so happy for you and your little-peace to you, friend. What a blessed day, indeed!!

Kboys

dandylion

LadyScribbler.....such wonderful news for you (and your lawyer)......!!!!

Do you think there is any way you could use your talents.....and your experience to help educate the courts....or legislators....or similar groups who have the interest of children at heart?
Just an idea......
I know that you are an excellent writer......

dandylion

manicpanic15

This post gave me soooo much hope I can't even begin to express it!!!!!!!

slowclimb

Way to go! I don't know your entire story but some of it. What a long road. Great example for other mama bears.

ladyscribbler

I actually participated in a study through the local university about how Legal Aid helps DV victims. And I think my testimony led the judge to do some research on alcoholism. There are a couple of local judges in AA here, so he might have also gotten input from one of them before writing the final decision (or he might be one of those judges).
I know that use of Soberlink in custody cases is not common here. The mediator was really skeptical about a judge imposing that restriction on visitation. One of the exhibits we submitted into evidence was information about Soberlink that I had researched. Hopefully it will get put into wider use for these types of situations.

dandylion

ladyscribbler....that is teriffic. I am so proud of you!

you know I have always been pushing y ou to do some comedic writing......
black comedy, of course...lol!

dandylion

Refiner

Oh but wait, I thought that according to Auntie-Wife he was now CURED? Hahahaha! Good news, LS!

ladyscribbler

LOL. That was at mediation. They had a whole different story at the trial. Not sure if my ex forgot that he was supposed to have been "sober" for the past year and slipped up on the stand by saying that he only has one or two beers once a month (meaning his wife had to corroborate the new version of the truth in her testimony), or if they changed it as part of their strategy trying to show that his out of control drinking was an anomaly that only happened during our "unique relationship" (that was his lawyer's quaint little euphemism for domestic violence) and that he's magically able to moderate now that I'm out of the picture. Either way the judge wasn't buying what they were selling.
It's weird, but I sort of felt sorry for his lawyer. There were a couple of times that I found myself wanting to offer him a cyanide pill just to put him out of his misery. Oh well, he gets paid either way.