I can't post.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
I can't post.
I've been trying for a while this morning and when I hit submit new thread, I just get a blank page and the post never goes through.
I was able to make my post in a reply to this one. I guess that will do.
I was able to make my post in a reply to this one. I guess that will do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
Here's what I was trying to post. Maybe this will work.
Today is drinking day....
AH follows only one football team and he gives himself special permission to get extra drunk on game day. Since this game is on a weeknight, he scheduled a vacation day for tomorrow.
He has this whole routine for game day. It requires some kind of half time meal that he will deem worthy of game day. A couple years ago I stopped assisting and participating in this unless it happens to coincide with a regular meal time when I would be preparing a family meal anyway.
Tonight's meal plan of homemade pizza has been approved.
He will probably begin drinking as soon as he gets home around 3:30. He;ll pour a beer (higher octane liquor store stuff) and have at least two shots of whiskey right away. Then more of the same regularly throughout the evening. He'll be asleep on the couch by half time. I'll wake him up to eat dinner. He'll be back to sleep by the end of the game.
I'll turn the TV down (He MUST have the volume high, as if he's in the stadium) and maybe change the channel and watch something. Then I'll go to bed alone and leave him sleeping on the couch. I stopped waking him for bed a year or so ago. I'd rather he wasn't in bed with me when he's drunk anyway.
He'll come to bed sometime in the middle of the night.
Usually I'm already hurt and pissy and making snarky comments by now, in anticipation of the coming drunk. But not this time for some reason. Maybe it's the studying I've been doing here and on the Alanon website? I don't know.
The drinking will continue through the weekend. There's a lot to tell there but this is already getting long.
I'm thinking about going to that weekday meeting today. Even though the kids will be home before me. I have a few errands to run and the meeting can just be one of them. There won't be any questions about where I've been. Still feeling so anxious about going in though. I wish I had a friend to go with me but that would require telling the friend that I'm going.
I'll figure this out eventually.
I usually have some wine on game day. Not always because I really want to. Sometimes it just a case of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" as my drunken father used to say. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to drink just to numb myself against him or prevent him from drinking as much or etc, etc, etc anymore.
I don't even know the point of this post. Maybe just send me some good vibes today that I can have my own kind of good day today and not let the anger and disappointment rule my emotions and my day?
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Today is drinking day....
AH follows only one football team and he gives himself special permission to get extra drunk on game day. Since this game is on a weeknight, he scheduled a vacation day for tomorrow.
He has this whole routine for game day. It requires some kind of half time meal that he will deem worthy of game day. A couple years ago I stopped assisting and participating in this unless it happens to coincide with a regular meal time when I would be preparing a family meal anyway.
Tonight's meal plan of homemade pizza has been approved.
He will probably begin drinking as soon as he gets home around 3:30. He;ll pour a beer (higher octane liquor store stuff) and have at least two shots of whiskey right away. Then more of the same regularly throughout the evening. He'll be asleep on the couch by half time. I'll wake him up to eat dinner. He'll be back to sleep by the end of the game.
I'll turn the TV down (He MUST have the volume high, as if he's in the stadium) and maybe change the channel and watch something. Then I'll go to bed alone and leave him sleeping on the couch. I stopped waking him for bed a year or so ago. I'd rather he wasn't in bed with me when he's drunk anyway.
He'll come to bed sometime in the middle of the night.
Usually I'm already hurt and pissy and making snarky comments by now, in anticipation of the coming drunk. But not this time for some reason. Maybe it's the studying I've been doing here and on the Alanon website? I don't know.
The drinking will continue through the weekend. There's a lot to tell there but this is already getting long.
I'm thinking about going to that weekday meeting today. Even though the kids will be home before me. I have a few errands to run and the meeting can just be one of them. There won't be any questions about where I've been. Still feeling so anxious about going in though. I wish I had a friend to go with me but that would require telling the friend that I'm going.
I'll figure this out eventually.I usually have some wine on game day. Not always because I really want to. Sometimes it just a case of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" as my drunken father used to say. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to drink just to numb myself against him or prevent him from drinking as much or etc, etc, etc anymore.
I don't even know the point of this post. Maybe just send me some good vibes today that I can have my own kind of good day today and not let the anger and disappointment rule my emotions and my day?
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm guessing your first meeting will be the hardest to go to, but also that you will be very glad to get it under your belt.
It sounds like you are learning to accept him for who he is, as opposed to who you wish he was. So why bother with the snarky comments and hurt feelings when he is simply behaving exactly as you expected he would. Perhaps those feelings of anger and disappointment won't feel so acute now that you are learning not to expect differently from him. I hope so, because you do deserve to have a good day that does not depend on him behaving in a way that you cannot reasonably expect him to behave.
I think choosing not to drink today for yourself is a good choice for you.
It sounds like you are learning to accept him for who he is, as opposed to who you wish he was. So why bother with the snarky comments and hurt feelings when he is simply behaving exactly as you expected he would. Perhaps those feelings of anger and disappointment won't feel so acute now that you are learning not to expect differently from him. I hope so, because you do deserve to have a good day that does not depend on him behaving in a way that you cannot reasonably expect him to behave.
I think choosing not to drink today for yourself is a good choice for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Sounds like you're coming out of the FOG & stepping into Acceptance & Awareness. This is one of my favorite posts about this "Awakening":
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...awakening.html
Walking into that meeting alone may be difficult, but it may also be one of the bravest things you'll ever do for yourself. It may be the first baby-step that leads you to Great Things. Don't let fear hold you back!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...awakening.html
Walking into that meeting alone may be difficult, but it may also be one of the bravest things you'll ever do for yourself. It may be the first baby-step that leads you to Great Things. Don't let fear hold you back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Surrey/London
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
Sounds like you're coming out of the FOG & stepping into Acceptance & Awareness. This is one of my favorite posts about this "Awakening":]
I have found your posts very helpful FireSprite!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by FireSprite
Sounds like you're coming out of the FOG & stepping into Acceptance & Awareness. This is one of my favorite posts about this "Awakening":
Walking into that meeting alone may be difficult, but it may also be one of the bravest things you'll ever do for yourself. It may be the first baby-step that leads you to Great Things. Don't let fear hold you back!
Walking into that meeting alone may be difficult, but it may also be one of the bravest things you'll ever do for yourself. It may be the first baby-step that leads you to Great Things. Don't let fear hold you back!
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