DoubleDragons

I was at lunch with a couple of girlfriends today and we were at a popular restaurant that we all have frequented regularly. Our waitress was huffy and when she left the table, I said, "Oh, I really don't think she likes me. She is always so rude to me." My friends said, "Oh, she is like that with everyone. She is just that way." Just a few weeks ago, I mentioned to my boss that a customer was huffy with me and seems to have a problem with me and I am not sure why, but I thought that he should know about the situation. He just laughed and assured me that every rep who he has ever had working this territory has had a problem with this customer and that is "just her personality." These moments have been "aha" moments for me, realizing how much I personalize things, which I think is a big part of my codependency. So much that I take offense to, really has nothing to do with me at all and so much more to do with the other person. The old "hurting people hurt people" adage really fits. Just a share that I thought might help other "sensitive types" such as myself.

fluffyflea

And also:

It's not all about me.

And:

I'm not the Center of the universe.

DoubleDragons

I have to admit, Earthworm, I thought about that, too. I am trying to understand if I am really self-centered and I am conflicted with those thoughts, because like any good codie, I do a lot of things for other people, sometimes things that I resent doing, but I am getting better at saying "no." I am fiercely independent and I do not ask much of other people. I am trying to "strike a balance", so to speak, but I am not sure that I have a really good self concept yet. When I was in therapy, many years ago concerning family of origin issues, I was told that my parents were likely narcissists. I am terrified of being or having the traits a narcissist, yet I want to have a better self esteem. Anyway, this is an area that I am really trying to understand about myself. Typically, I don't really care too much what others think about me, but it does bother me when I think I am being treated rudely for no reason.

Liveitwell

This is such a good thread-DD, I too have been there and do still work on this to a degree-absolutely! It's hard not to personalize and take offense to....something I still work on

LifeRecovery

A phrase that I had to say to myself over and over again

Self care does not equal selfish. Ever.

For me it has been about taking on other people's stuff so I could attempt to control it (in your case if I dressed or acted a certain way would they be happy). In reality their behavior is more about them then it will ever be me.

That for me was people pleasing perfectionistic stuff. I thought if I tried hard enough I could be all things to all people.

AA has a great saying "What other people think of me is none of my business," that helped me a lot also.

fluffyflea

It's taken me time to realize and accept that other people's rudeness,moods etc can actually not have anything to do with me.